Amid a slew of new state laws aimed at restricting transgender student participation in sports, parents and families are pushing back, educating coaches and teachers, and creating more inclusive spaces.

“We need to build community with each other,” said Alice Connor, an LGBTQ activist and Episcopal priest in Ohio who is also the parent of a teen who is trans. “It’s not just about going to the state capitals and protesting. We have to create joy and community where we are.”

State efforts to restrict trans youth from competing on sports teams consistent with their gender identity are relatively new. Idaho became the first state to legislate trans student athletes in 2020.

Less than three years later, more than 20 states have passed their own laws, according to the Movement Advancement Project, a think tank that advocates for LGBTQ rights.

“We are in a unique but not completely new space right now,” said Nova Bright, head of internal training, learning and development with The Trevor Project, a national nonprofit focused on suicide prevention for LGBTQ youth. “Some people are taking a marginalized group of folks within our culture and they are targeting them because it’s easy to target them.”

Republican presidential hopefuls like former South Carolina Gov. Nikki Haley and Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis are using trans youth participation in sports as political talking points. Meanwhile, advocates are suing to halt bans on trans athletes in some states.

The federal government is also wading into the debate. In April, the U.S. Department of Education proposed a rule change to Title IX, a federal law prohibiting sex-based discrimination at publicly funded schools. The new change, if enacted, would penalize schools for banning trans students from playing on teams consistent with their gender identity – though it would make allowances in certain circumstances.

Parents and families with trans children are paying attention, said Connor, and want everyone else to do the same.

“It’s a small minority who are pushing aggressive attacks,” Connor said. “But less obvious is that the majority of the country either doesn’t know or just doesn’t care enough to take action. The apathy is almost scarier because it is quieter and hidden.”

Reckon spoke with three parents who are trans and/or have a trans child, to learn how they’re fostering inclusion and joy for trans kids in youth sports, what they wish other parents knew, and their go-to resources for supporting trans student athletes.

Gio Santiago has loved team sports since he was a kid, accompanying his mom to her job at the local YMCA on the outskirts of Cleveland, Ohio.

“When I was around 12, I wanted to play basketball and at that time I was female identified, but there were no teams for girls,” said Santiago, who grew up in the 1990s and early 2000s. “My parents made the pitch (to the team organizers) that I should be able to play, and I was good, so they said OK. I was the only female identified player on the team for two years.”

Santiago is no stranger to breaking barriers on sports teams. He is transgender, and a senior field organizer with Athlete Ally, an organization dedicated to LGBTQ+ inclusivity in sports.

But the cultural landscape today around trans youth in sports feels different to him than it did when he was younger. And he worries about the impact it’s having on kids.

He just started coaching his 4-year-old’s t-ball team and loves it. But he worries how she might experience sports as she grows up.

“My kid is 4 but a tall and stocky 4,” he said. “She’s a kid who could be targeted later because she is bigger than other kids her age.”

He wants parents to understand that policies targeting trans kids can also impact kids who aren’t trans.

“These are children and their bodies are still changing, and they’re just trying to find something they like to do with their friends. We should be teaching them about confidence, integrity, winning, losing and accountability, and not worrying about what body parts they have.”

One part of the national conversation around trans athletes often centers on the potential physical advantages of athletes assigned male at birth, and the idea that trans women may have an unfair physical advantage over their cisgender counterparts.

The science isn’t settled on the issue. Researchers have yet to reach consensus on whether transgender female athletes have a biological advantage over cisgender female athletes. And most studies have focused on adults, not teens and children.

What’s missing from the conversation, Santiago believes, are all the other factors that also impact how student athletes compete.

“We’re not talking about how genetics play a factor, how access to sport plays a factor,” he said. “We’re not talking about disparities – if you live in poverty you may not have the opportunity to train at a gym or join a travel club team so that you can be on the same playing field as another kid.

“There are all of these other factors that go into how athletes can compete.”

The issue of access is one reason he created the West 117 Foundation and its LGBTQ+ Youth Sports League. He believes in the power of sports to improve the physical, mental, social and emotional health of all kids, including trans kids.

“You can learn so much by playing a sport and being on an organized team,” he said. “You learn confidence, camaraderie, accountability. You learn to win and lose. You learn that feeling of being victorious and that feeling of defeat.”

The league is open to anyone, regardless of how they identify.

“The kids are seeing representation, because I’m a trans person,” he said. “They’re experiencing understanding from someone who’s like them, of the discomfort they might be feeling in their body while playing a sport. They’re getting the camaraderie of youth like them.”

The students sometimes talk about the bans they see in the news, and the anxiety they feel over how they’re viewed or accepted. Santiago views those conversations as a way he can help educate kids and their parents about laws and policies that could impact them.

His advice to parents – and to lawmakers – is to remember that the trans kids of today who are asking to play sports are also the next generation of voters and lawmakers.

“Trans kids are going to remember this, and those that we continue to encourage are going to grow up to be the ones making our laws one day,” he said. “At the end of the day, we’ve got to be mindful.

“That uno reverse card comes back real fast.”

In April, Alice Connor testified before an Ohio state legislative committee against House Bill 6, a bill labeled the “Save Women’s Sports Act” which would bar trans athletes from competing in women’s sports and youth athletics.

“House Bill 6 uses some of the most vulnerable children as scapegoats to increase the political power of some members of your assembly,” she told the legislators, “and it masquerades as a great moral victory, but only serves to show its authors’ ignorance and emptiness.”

The bill passed out of committee but hasn’t come up for a vote on the state house floor.

For Connor, who is bisexual and the parent of a teen who is trans, her fight against sports-focused state laws is less about sports and more about combating broader attacks on trans rights.

She talks with her kids regularly about what they experience, and she said they’ve always been outspoken about issues that are important to them. They have given her the OK for her to include their experiences in her sermons and advocacy work. And she’s glad their school has been, for the most part, supportive.

Her advice for parents who have trans kids or are supportive of trans kids is to keep in mind that being trans is just one part of a complex, muti-layered identity.

“It’s very tempting to make everything about that, or always ask about their identity, but they’re whole human beings,” she said “They do other stuff. Talk to them about soccer or whatever they love.

“It’s an important aspect of raising a trans kid to remember they are not only that. Raise the whole kid.”

Nova Bright mostly skipped out on athletics as a teen and young adult.

“I was a theater major. I did not love playing sports,” said Bright, who now works as head of internal training, learning and development at The Trevor Project.

“But the truth is,” she said, “I did play football for a year and there were a lot of benefits for me in that. If I, as a trans woman, would have been allowed to play sports with other young women at my school, instead of being forced into football, I think I could have had a different experience. I tried football and found it wasn’t safe or comfortable for me, so I pivoted.”

That’s the kind of athletic experience Bright wants to help her child – and other LGBTQ+ kids – avoid.

“I’m a parent to a very amazing LGBTQ teen, and the protectiveness I feel for these youth, for creating safe spaces for them, is sort of unmatched at this point,” Bright said.

“Parents, adults, school administrators – we have to step up. We cannot put the burden of protecting themselves on our youth. They don’t deserve to have to fight these political battles.”

To that end, Bright helped develop The Trevor Project’s #REFORMTheLockerRoom campaign, a partnership with athletic brand PUMA centered on a free, online training course for adults who work in youth sports. It’s designed to help coaches, athletic directors and other adults learn how to make their teams and facilities safer and more welcoming for LGBTQ youth.

“We know that there are so many benefits from being part of a team, getting to use your body and brain to engage in sports, to be outside and breathing fresh air,” said Bright. “To say all individuals don’t have the right to use those benefits safely is (the issue) we’re specifically looking at.”

How can parents go further? Bright recommends they make sure that their student athletes (and all student athletes) have what they need to enjoy and succeed at their chosen sports.

“For our kiddo, that meant making sure he had access to gender neutral spaces for changing, and eventually ensuring he had access to gendered spaces and could use the boys’ locker room,” Bright said. “Those things are not a given in every school district, so sometimes you have to play the role of educator (to school administrators and coaches).”

The #REFORMTheLockerRoom training is an easy place to start, she said.

Beyond that, she advises parents give their kids space for exploration and self-discovery. When a kid comes to a parent with new ideas about who they are, she said, listen and ask questions, and find out what they need to feel supported. Maybe they need a parent’s help to join the lacrosse team; maybe they just need to talk something out.

“As a parent, you say, ‘I’m going to take my hopes and dreams for who I thought you should be, and I’m going to let those be in the backseat, and let you drive your own vehicle forward,’” she said. “You say, ‘I’m going to give you guidance, and I might say I think you should probably take a turn here, but who you want to become isn’t up to me. And when you tell me who you are, I’m going to love and celebrate and cherish that.’”

#REFORMTheLockerRoom – a campaign by The Trevor Project and PUMA that includes free online training for coaches and other adults who work with youth sports

Athlete Ally – an organization promoting LGBTQ+ inclusion and equal access in athletic communities

Supporting Transgender Youth & Their Families Admidst Trans Sports Bans – a quick rundown on trans sports bans and resources available for support

PFLAG – an organization supporting parents, families and allies of LFBTQ+ people

GLSEN – an organization supporting LGBTQ+ students in grades K-12