Barbecue? In Texas? Please.

I mean, we’re talking sausage, right? The stuff we eat with eggs and grits? Surely you are jesting. Really, though: Is sausage even barbecue? “Sausage is just not barbecue,” one colleague said. “We have to draw the line somewhere.”

I’m not a stupid idiot. I know Austin is renowned worldwide for its barbecue acumen. But for the next 1,000 words I will convince you (and myself) that Alabama is just as good if not better.

OK, look, maybe Austin has a leg up on the barbecue game. Y’all done good with a smoker, sure. But the best? Have you even had a slab of Archibald’s ribs, folks? Consider this trip an opportunity. You’ve spent much of your lives believing Austin has the best barbecue only because you’ve lived in a barbecue bubble, unaware of the spectacular smorgasbord of bold flavors beyond the Texan borders. But, here you are.

Alabama barbecue is perfect food. We don’t need any other words to describe it, but we’ll do it anyway.

This summer, the AL.com staff threw down the gauntlet and named the best barbecue in Alabama, first in each of our biggest cities and then statewide. (And then readers told us what was really what …)

Based on decades of experience and institutional knowledge, we chewed through the state’s bonafide hall-of-famers that have ruled for around for a half-century or more and also shined a light on newcomers rising through the ranks of the best we have to offer.

And those of you hitting the road from every direction have your pick of the pits scattered along rural highways, oasis interstate exits and busy downtowns to get a taste of the best, and let’s be honest, maybe the most underrated barbecue in America. We see those lists, one that picked Birmingham as the fourth best barbecue city in the U.S., just a few spots behind whom, you ask? Our good friends from Austin, of course. The barbecue city, right?

When Texas hosted the Tide in Austin last September, we pointed our readers in the direction of a few top spots they should try and then report back on whether they encountered the real deal. Places like La Barbecue and County Line on the Hill. We hope to one day outlast what we imagine is an endless line of people impatiently awaiting the life-changing experience of Franklin’s Barbecue brisket, voted best BBQ spot in Austin by readers of the Austin American-Statesman (visited by Barack Obama, the late great Anthony Bourdain, Jon Favreau and many others).

Now that you’re on the way to Tuscaloosa, drive up the road to Birmingham for the ribs with Carolina-style, vinegar-based sauce at Saw’s BBQ or the smoked turkey sandwich smothered with barbecue sauce and topped with chow-chow at Full Moon Bar-B-Que.

Keep driving up to Huntsville for the softball-sized large pulled pork sandwich, with vinegar slaw, pickles and mayo at Boarhog’s Barbeque or the simmered brisket and smoked chicken at ChuckWagon BBQ.

Or hit a U-turn and head to Mobile for the “Hog in a Blanket” at Meat Boss or the ribs or pulled pork sandwich at Saucy Q.

And that doesn’t even begin to cover it. The melt-in-your-mouth brisket at Bow & Arrow in Auburn (yes, that Auburn), the pulled-pork sandwich soaked in a fiery house-made sauce at Lannie’s Bar-B-Q Spot in Selma, the fall-off-the-bone ribs at Jim’s Highway 82 BBQ in Billingsley, and oh yes, the pit-smoked chicken dunked in legendary white barbecue sauce at Big Bob Gibson Bar-B-Q in Decatur.

READ: Alabama’s best barbecue: Our Top 10

But listen here, Texas fans: You are in luck, because the king grand-daddy of them all, according to our own very correct Alabama food guru Bob Carlton, is Archibald’s Bar-B-Q in Northport, just across the Black Warrior River from downtown Tuscaloosa (1211 Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd. in Northport, to be exact).

Carlton calls it “the hallowed ground of holy smoke, the Wrigley Field of rib joints, and a pilgrimage to this modest, soot-scorched, cinderblock shrine should be a must on any barbecue lover’s bucket list.” (Oh yeah, we have an Alabama Barbecue Bucket List, too. Study up.)

“Archibald’s is revered for its ribs, which are grilled over a bed of hot hickory coals in a well-seasoned brick pit that’s right behind the front counter, so guests get a front-row seat to watch the Archibald’s pitmasters in action,” Carlton writes. “In recent years, they’ve added a screened porch to accommodate the overflow crowd (a good thing) and expanded the menu to include hot wings (highly recommended) and even fried catfish.

“Otherwise, not a lot has changed since the late George and Betty Archibald opened the place behind their home in Northport in 1962. Woodrow Washington III, their grandson, continues their legacy with the help of his siblings Lashawn, Reginald and Dalvin.” (Note: Washington also opened a second location, Archibald & Woodrow’s BBQ, on Greensboro Avenue in Tuscaloosa in 2002.)

But never mind what we have to say. Sports Illustrated picked Archibald’s as the best college town meal in America. Former ESPN analyst Todd Blackledge visited the Northport shack during his “Todd’s Taste of the Town” segment (and he even included them in his book).

And fear not: Another one of Alabama’s biggest heavy-hitters calls Tuscaloosa home. Dreamland Bar-B-Que (original location at 5535 15th Ave. East in Tuscaloosa; Northport location at 101 Bridge Ave). The hickory-fired ribs served with that peppery sauce are the stuff of legend after founder and Alabama barbecue legend John “Big Daddy” Bishop opened his rib shack in 1958. Carlton wrote Bishop would sit in a big chair at the back of the restaurant, “smoking his pipe while keeping an eye on the slabs of ribs that cooked hot and fast over the glowing hickory coals.” And while the chair sits empty, “a new generation of pitmasters still does ribs the same way Mr. Bishop did all those years ago — and that sauce still causes us to break a sweat.”

Find out why they say “Ain’t nothing like ‘em nowhere.”

MORE: A brief history of Dreamland Bar-B-Que

Tuscaloosa and Northport have a couple of titans, sure, but the city’s barbecue expertise doesn’t stop there. There are locations for Alabama-born favorites like Full Moon Bar-B-Que (1434 McFarland Blvd E.), Jim ‘N Nick’s (305 21st Ave.) and Moe’s Original BBQ (2101 University Blvd.). And there are unsung go-to’s like Mr. Tee’s Awesome BBQ & Home Cooking (8204 Alabama Highway 69 South) and Thomas Rib Shack (2931 15th St.). And there are Northport mainstays like Bama Barbecue & Grill (3076 McFarland Blvd.) and Hick’s BBQ (4400 U.S. Highway 43).

And we only wish you had the chance to savor the glory of Big Bad Wolves barbecue nachos, a Crimson Tide gameday staple for more than 20 years before they recently announced they’ve closed shop for good.

Put it all to the test this weekend. Give us your honest, unbridled opinion on Alabama barbecue, because this is where you find the best in Alabama and — we ain’t scared to say it — the best in the country.