Alabama News

This is an opinion column.

Melania Trump was born in communist Yugoslavia (now Slovenia) and moved to America in 1996 at age 26 to pursue a modeling career.

In 1998, at age 28, Melania began her relationship with then 52-year-old, still-married-to-Marla Maples, Donald Trump. The rest is history.

Melania Trump’s Slovenia is not far from Ukraine. It’s less than 400 miles; about like driving from Birmingham to Baton Rouge for an LSU-Bama football game. That close proximity compels Slovenians to have a keen awareness of Vladimir Putin and Russia’s threat to Ukraine and the rest of southeastern Europe.

I’ve always found Melania Trump to be gracious, attentive but quiet, almost shy. Apparently, she is also very persuasive with President Trump, who stated:

“I go home. I tell the first lady, ‘You know, I spoke to Vladimir today. We had a wonderful conversation.’ She said, ‘Oh, really? Another city was just hit.’”

“There’s times I’d get home. I’d say, ‘First lady, I had the most wonderful talk with Vladimir. I think we’re finished.’ And then I’ll turn on the television, or she’ll say to me one time, ‘Wow, that’s strange because they just bombed a nursing home,'” Trump recalled in another conversation. “I’d say, ‘What?’”

Shortly thereafter, BOOM!

Thanks to Melania Trump, President Trump discovers how dishonest and evil Vladimir Putin is and adopts a 180-degree reversal on Russia’s Ukraine invasion.

Instead of giving public moral support to Russia’s Ukraine invasion, publicly humiliating Ukraine President Volodymyr Zelenskyy, cutting off or suspending military aid to Ukraine, and calling for Ukraine’s partial or complete surrender (all in the name of “peace”), Trump “apparently” resumes America’s shipment of critically needed military aid to Ukraine.

I emphasize the word “apparently” because Donald Trump has a penchant for vacillation. You never really know where Trump is on any public policy issue until he does whatever he is going to do. Even then, Trump is renowned for reversing today’s position tomorrow. (See my Op Ed on Wall Street’s “Commander TACO” stock trading strategy as an example.)

Notwithstanding, Trump’s new-found support for Ukraine is all Melania Trump. Who knew? Melania deserves a medal!

Russia Invades Ukraine

Why are Melania Trump’s actions so important?

Russia conquered Ukraine’s Crimean Peninsula in 2014. In response, America and Western Europe shrugged their collective shoulders and did little, thereby encouraging Russia to orchestrate a “civil war” in the eastern Ukraine regions of Donetsk and Luhansk.

America and Western Europe again shrugged their collective shoulders and did little about Russia’s surrogate invasion of Donetsk and Luhansk, thereby encouraging Putin and Russia to launch an all-out, brutal, multi-front Ukraine invasion in 2022.

How brutal?

Ukraine civilian casualties are at least 12,000 dead and 29,000 injured while military dead are at least 45,000 with another 390,000+ wounded. I say “at least” because warring countries often minimize disclosed casualties for morale and propaganda purposes.

Russian casualties are worse, estimated at roughly 250,000 Russians killed and another 700,000 wounded in Ukraine. Russia’s grisly casualties perfectly reflect Putin’s disdain for human life.

After Russia’s 2022 invasion, America and Western Europe learned from history, belatedly showed some spine, and rushed large quantities of desperately needed military weapons and supplies to embattled Ukraine.

America’s costly but necessary military and civilian aid totals roughly $70 billion.

In my judgment, America’s aid has been “necessary” because military history teaches that doing nothing in the face of aggression often costs far more in the long run. That’s one of World War II’s most important lessons.

Some Trump-Ukraine history: in 2019, President Trump sought vengeance for Ukraine’s refusal to help Trump win his 2020 presidential race by suspending $400 million in Ukraine aid for 55 days.

In 2025, a still-seething President Trump again suspended Ukraine weaponry and intelligence aid, all while Ukrainians desperately fight for their lives and country.

And then Melania Trump happened.

Trump’s unexpected reversal is huge for Europe, world peace, and keeping America out of yet another major military conflict. President Ronald Reagan and “Peace Through Strength” come to mind. And Ukraine once again has a fighting chance of defeating Russia and reacquiring conquered territory.

Troubling Questions Remain

While I applaud Melania Trump’s influence with President Trump, some very troubling questions arise that strike at the heart of President Trump’s role as Commander-in-Chief.

Why did Melania Trump have to persuade President Trump that Putin is untrustworthy, evil, and a threat to Europe and the world? More specifically:

• Where was Secretary of State Marco Rubio during all this? I know Rubio. Rubio’s smart enough to know history’s lessons. Why did Rubio not help President Trump fully understand how Russia’s Ukraine invasion threatens America and the world?
• Where was Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth during all this? The No. 1 job of a Secretary of Defense is to advise the President on world military issues. Why did Hegseth not help President Trump fully understand how Russia’s Ukraine invasion threatens America and the world?
• Most troubling, where was President Trump’s National Security Council during all this? The NSC’s job is to advise presidents on national security and foreign policy. The NSC’s members are supposed to be a dozen or so of America’s “best of the best” defense and foreign policy experts. How in the world did the NSC’s members, collectively and individually, so badly fail to properly advise President Trump about the ramifications and cascading effects of Russia’s Ukraine invasion?

The White House’s national security and foreign policy “experts” better get their acts together because America cannot, and should not, have to rely on Melania Trump to always ride to the rescue.

That path is fraught with peril for President Trump, America, and the world.

Mo Brooks is a retired congressman from north Alabama and a long-standing conservative voice in state and national politics. In Congress, he served on the House Armed Services Committee for 12 years and the Foreign Affairs Committee for six years. He now writes an opinion column for AL.com.

DEAR ABBY: I am married to a man who is incarcerated. As you can imagine, it’s been hard on our family. I have two kids with him. I was pregnant with our youngest when he was arrested. According to his mother, since my husband went to prison, I can’t do anything right. She yells at me that she has it worse than I do regarding my husband.

Her reason is that she’s his mother, and nothing can change that, while I can always “throw him away” as a husband. She also resented it when I went to counseling because she wants me to tell her my troubles. When I tried, she’d always turn it back to her problems. She’s judgmental and mean. She calls it being “outspoken.”

Abby, am I wrong for being upset? Do you think she wants me to divorce her son or something? I think it was rude and stupid of her to say that to me. I married her son and had children with him. I don’t understand why she thinks we are competing. If it’s a competition, we’re both losing. We both have it bad. Just because she’s having a hard time doesn’t make whatever I’m going through any less bad, does it? — CONVICT’S WIFE IN OHIO

DEAR WIFE: I suspect there is nothing your mother-in-law would like better than for you to divorce her son. If you did, she would have him all to her overbearing self. She thinks you are competing because SHE is. Stay out of her way as much as possible until your husband’s release. Do NOT confide in her. You have enough to contend with without her stirring the pot, and you can rest assured she will.

Read more Dear Abby and other advice columns.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Every day until Aug. 29, Creg Stephenson is counting down significant numbers in Alabama football history, both in the lead-up to the 2025 football season and in commemoration of the Crimson Tide’s first national championship 100 years ago. The number could be attached to a year, a uniform number or even a football-specific statistic. We hope you enjoy.

The No. 42 has special significance in the sports world as the one worn by Jackie Robinson during his barrier-breaking career with baseball’s Brooklyn Dodgers.

But at Alabama, the number probably means either Eddie Lacy or Major Ogilvie. And which one you more identify with probably depends on your age.

Ogilvie starred for the Crimson Tide under coach Paul “Bear” Bryant during the wishbone glory days of 1977-80. He won two national championships and three SEC titles during his career, and remains the only player in Alabama football history to score a touchdown in four consecutive bowl games.

Lacy was part of a loaded Alabama backfield during the early Nick Saban era. He won three national championship rings and a pair of SEC titles from 2009-12.

Ogilvie was a superstar at Mountain Brook High School near Birmingham, leading his team to back-to-back state championships in 1975 and 1976 and earning All-America honors by Adidas and Scholastic Coach magazine. His performance in the 1976 state championship game vs. Murphy is legendary — he rushed for 339 yards and four touchdowns as the Spartans won 52-26 at Legion Field.

Ogilvie joined an Alabama that had gone just 9-3 in 1976, failing to win the SEC title for the first time in six years. The Crimson Tide had a star-studded backfield in 1977, featuring All-SEC fullback Johnny Davis and fellow Birmingham high school legend Tony Nathan.

Ogilvie got just 34 carries during the regular season, but did score a touchdown on a 1-yard run midway through the fourth quarter of a 35-6 rout of Ohio State in the Sugar Bowl. Alabama finished 11-1, but controversially was No. 2 behind Notre Dame in the final polls.

Alabama again went 11-1 in 1978, this time finishing No. 1 after beating Penn State in the Sugar Bowl. Ogilvie averaged 6.5 yards per carry and scored eight touchdowns during the regular season, and scored the go-ahead touchdown on an 8-yard run in the third quarter of the Crimson Tide’s 14-7 victory in New Orleans.

Alabama ran the table in 1979, finishing 12-0 and No. 1 again with a 24-9 win over Arkansas in the Sugar Bowl. Ogilvie scored twice in the game — on runs of 22 yards and 1 yard — and was named Most Valuable Player.

The Crimson Tide started 8-0 and remained No. 1 during Ogilvie’s 1980 senior season, but November losses to Mississippi State and Notre Dame ended any hopes of a third straight title. Alabama finished 10-2 and No. 4 overall after a 30-2 victory over Baylor in the Cotton Bowl, with Ogilvie scoring on a 1-yard run in the second quarter.

Ogilvie was a first-team All-SEC pick in 1979 and a second-team selection in 1980, finishing his Alabama career with 1,718 yards and 25 touchdowns in 44 games. Because Bryant believed in rotating several running backs and quarterbacks through the lineup in order to keep them fresh, Ogilvie never totaled more than 97 carries in any one season.

Ogilvie was drafted in the 12th round by the San Francisco 49ers in 1981, but was cut near the end of training camp and retired from football. He has spent many years as an executive for a concrete company in Birmingham and was inducted into the Alabama Sports Hall of Fame in 2014 and the Sugar Bowl Hall of Fame in 2017.

Lacy grew up in New Orleans, but finished high school just outside Baton Rouge in Geismar, La., after he and his family had been displaced by Hurricane Katrina. He surprised many when he signed with Alabama in the Class of 2009, which also featured five-star running back Trent Richardson.

Lacy redshirted as a true freshman, as Alabama won the first of its six national championships under Saban; and led by running back Mark Ingram, the Heisman Trophy winner. Working as the third-string running back after Ingram and Richardson in 2010, he rushed for rushed for 406 yards and six touchdowns — including 113 yards and two scores in the season-opening blowout of San Jose State, his college debut.

Ingram was off to the NFL after that season, leaving Lacy to share carries with Richardson in 2011. He ran for 674 yards and seven touchdowns as Alabama finished 11-1 and beat LSU 21-0 for the BCS national championship at season’s end.

Richardson was gone by 2012, leaving Lacy as the lead back at long last. With future star T.J. Yeldon as his backup, he ran for 1,322 yards and 17 touchdowns, leading Alabama to a repeat national title.

Lacy’s signature game at Alabama was his last, a 42-14 blasting of Notre Dame in the BCS title game. He barreled his way for 140 yards rushing on 20 carries, including a 20-yard touchdown run and an 11-yard TD catch, leaving Fighting Irish tacklers — including Heisman finalist Manti Te’o — in his wake all night as he won MVP honors and the Crimson Tide claimed its third championship in four years.

Lacy had a year of eligibility remaining after 2012, but left for the NFL draft. He was selected in the second round and was the league’s Offensive Rookie of the Year after rushing for 1,178 yards and 11 touchdowns in 2013.

Lacy had another 1,000-yard season for the Packers in 2013 before a series of ankle injuries began to take their toll. He finished his NFL career in 2017 with the Seattle Seahawks, and totaled 3,614 yards and 23 touchdowns in five pro seasons.

Though they played more than 30 years apart, Major Ogilvie and Eddie Lacy will always be linked — not only by their shared jersey number, but by their contributions to some of the greatest teams in Alabama football history.

Coming Sunday: Our countdown to kickoff continues with No. 41, an examination of Alabama’s most-questionable national championship claim.

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“Did y’all get beat up today?” “That’s an understatement.”

Variations on the exchange could be heard repeatedly throughout Friday afternoon, as Alabama Deep Sea Fishing Rodeo volunteers welcomed boats to the docks at the weigh station on Dauphin Island. The words, and their suitability for print, varied — but the takeaway was always the same: The tropical depression that wasn’t, that might have blanketed the Alabama coast with monsoon conditions but didn’t, still made things spicy out there on opening day.

Scattered storms had passed through the area Friday morning, and while rain hadn’t been a big problem, the accompanying winds had made for choppy seas offshore. That prospect likely daunted many crews, but others embraced it. In the latter cohort were Glenn Wilson and Zackary Jernigan, who weighed in two sizeable jack crevalle they’d caught south of Fort Morgan.

RELATED: Alabama fishing rodeo that produced back-to-back shark records returns

Yes, it was rough out there, said Wilson. And because they were in a 17-foot flats boat, he said, “we got every bit of it.”

Still, they hit the dock with a mission-oriented mindset: “Weigh these, go back, catch some more.”

John Rollins described a “nasty” chop with plenty of four-foot waves and a few six-footers mixed in.

“If you’re scared, you can stay on the couch,” said Hunter Greene, who hit the weigh station with fishing partners Lance and Blake Stringer, and a trio of impressive tripletail. “It was wind, waves, rain, sunburn all in one.”

Action at the weigh station was unusually slow until about 4 p.m. even for opening day. By that point, though, the sun had been out for hours and the threat of incoming weather had faded away. The boats were lining up.

By then it was becoming clear, as always, that the Rodeo isn’t just for tough-talking grownups. Youngsters were lining up at the display case where some of the fish brought in are kept on ice for observers to examine and touch. Others were weighing in fish of their own. Seven-year-old Corbin Kirkland toted a bucket of white trout along the dock for a crew that included his dad and sister, Nathan and Kadynce Kirkland, and another adult, Peter Breland.

Matt Glass, a former Rodeo president now serving as chairman of the board and a member of the rules committee, said the signs pointed to a successful year despite the slow start.

The previous weekend’s Roy Martin Young Anglers Tournament had set records with about 1,200 tickets sold. Glass said a preliminary count showed at least 3,400 had been sold for this year’s ADSFR, meaning it might surpass the more than 3,600 sold in 2024.

He wasn’t surprised to see light turnout on Friday, considering how ominous some forecasts had been. He said he thought many participants, including most shark fishers, were “using today as a day to prepare to fish.” (An hour after the weigh station closed, the online leaderboard showed only one tiger shark and one bull shark had been weighed in.)

A chance of heavy rains remained in forecasts, though there was reason to hope things would settle down as the weekend progressed.

“Sunday, if it holds off like this, it’s going to be slammed,” Glass said. “It’s going to be crazy.”

The ADSFR continues through 5 p.m. Sunday. For full Rodeo information, including a live leaderboard, visit www.adsfr.com. For updates, visit www.facebook.com/ADSFR.

The 2025 WNBA season has been nothing short of exciting thus far. Another major milestone of the season is coming up this weekend, as the All-Star game will take place in Indiana. It’s fitting that this year’s festivities will take place at the home of the Fever, who employ superstar guard Caitlin Clark.

Speaking of Clark, she was named one of the captains for this year’s All-Star game. The other captain was Napheesa Collier of the Minnesota Lynx. Both players drafted their teams last week and the rosters are officially set.

Unfortunately for Clark, a groin injury will sideline her for this weekend’s festivities.

The 2025 WNBA All-Star game will take place on Saturday, July 19 at 8:30 p.m. ET. Fans looking to see the All-Star game in Indianapolis this weekend will need to grab tickets quickly, as multiple sites are listing tickets for under $100:

• Vivid Seats – Prices starting at $85 (cheapest)
• Gametime – Prices starting at $86
• Seatgeek – Prices starting at $90
• Stubhub – Prices starting at $92

Here’s everything you need to know before the 2025 WNBA All-Star game tips off this weekend:

When: Saturday, July 19, 2025

Where: Gainbridge Fieldhouse, Indianapolis, IN

Time: 8:30 p.m. ET

Almost 1,500 residents have given their opinions on what the city of Huntsville should do with its historic downtown train depot.

Still, city continues to seek the public’s help on what to do with the depot and the 7 acres it sits on, including the Roundhouse event center.

The city has an online survey to help it decide how to reimagine the depot grounds.

It also held two public forums at the Roundhouse, which the city said were well attended.

“It’s generating a swell of interest, which is excellent news for the city. It demonstrates community passion for the Depot and provides a wealth of insight into future uses,” city communication specialist Paul Gattis said on the city of Huntsville website.

During a meeting last month at the Roundhouse, Mayor Tommy Battle said the city was starting with a “blank page,” and the site could be used for special events, education purposes and possibly a farmer’s market.

“The Depot is not going anywhere,” Battle said during one of the meetings this week. “We are not tearing it down. It will be here.”

There will be more public meetings and online surveys as the project continues to evolve, the city said.

“There is a lot of space here,” Manager of Urban and Long-Range Planning Dennis Madsen said. “We’re not going to pick one use and run with it. There is a lot of different opportunities to program this space.”

Madsen and City Historic Preservationist Katie Stamps are helping lead the revitalization effort.

During the meeting last month, Madsen said the site serves as a link in the city’s greenway plan, connecting Gateway Greenway Park off Meridian Street and the Huntsville Madison County Veterans Memorial along Monroe Street with Big Spring Park through the bike lane along Spragins Street.

It is also near the city’s transit station.

According to the city website, Stamps provided examples of former depots around the country during the public meetings this week and how they are now functioning in their new roles. Those include restaurants, retail, museums and office spaces.

The depot building at 320 Church Street is three stories with more than 10,000 square feet The Roundhouse is another 10,000 square-foot facility, commonly used as event space, with open-ended possibilities, city officials said.

Completed in 1860, the depot is the oldest surviving railroad depot in Alabama and one of the oldest in the United States. Located on the Norfolk Southern Railway line, the depot is listed on both the Alabama Register of Landmarks and Heritage and the National Register of Historic Places.

A historical marker was installed outside the depot in 1971, commemorating its storied past when Union soldiers captured it in 1862 and severed a critical east-west Confederate railroad. Confederate prisoners were held at the site.

Newcomers to Huntsville during its initial boomtown status in the 1950s, including Wernher von Braun, first arrived at the depot as well.

RJ Bigham walks along his property just west of Tuscaloosa, recalling one of his strongest memories.

When he was a child, RJ once managed to catch a sparrow, and he kept it in a small cage. Soon after, his aunt came to visit his house. When RJ showed his aunt what he had caught, she told him “It’s a wild bird, they don’t need to be in a cage.”

Though RJ was born an animal lover, that confrontation was a defining moment for the way he considered animal welfare. The cage was well beyond the bird’s natural environment, and going forward, RJ sought to give animals the best life possible.

RJ and his wife Jessica Bigham are the founders of That Turtle Place, a turtle and tortoise sanctuary nestled about 40 miles from the Mississippi state line in Coker, Alabama. Spanning roughly two acres, the sanctuary was hand-built by the couple and is home to over 100 turtles and tortoises.

Visitors can also meet traditional farm animals like chickens, pigs, and a turkey, alongside some eye-catching residents: two parrots, several pigeons, two peacocks, and an emu.

What began as RJ’s personal habitat for his animals turned into a major passion project – a petting zoo. RJ and Jessica opened the zoo in 2021 after friends and family expressed a desire to pay to visit the space. The zoo, then known as Bigham Farms, quickly attracted animal enthusiasts and school groups. With RJ and Jessica as the only staff, the unscheduled inspections turned the experience into a challenging juggling act.

The shift to animal sanctuary came in 2022 when a group of people came to the farm with an African spurred tortoise, also known as a sulcata tortoise, named Lego. Lego’s back legs were weak, and his shell was punctured, indicating he had been attacked by a dog.

“They came in and they were like, ‘Hey, you want this tortoise?’ And I’m like, ‘I guess we can see if we can get them feeling better.’” RJ recalled.

RJ attended to Lego’s wounds daily, and after a year of consistent care, Lego was healthy and double the weight he was when he arrived.

“He’ll never be as big and beautiful as our other sulcatas, but you know, he’ll have a story,” RJ said. “We’ll be able to explain it to people – this is what happens when you don’t take care of an animal for the first three, four years of its life.”

Shortly after Lego’s arrival, a woman reached out to RJ, asking if he could help her sick tortoise. When she arrived, the woman asked how he thought the tortoise was doing. “It’s one of the worst I’ve ever seen,” RJ said to her. “I don’t think he’s gonna make it. Like, he’s squishy.”

To save the tortoise, the woman helped pay for medical costs while RJ kept him at his property. Several months later, the tortoise, named “Jello” for his soft physique, was healthy. Both Lego and Jello still reside at the facility.

Since Lego and Jello’s arrival, RJ and Jessica have taken in dozens of turtles and tortoises from people who are unable to take care of them. The couple crafted several exhibits and ponds for the animals to live the healthiest lives possible.

“Most of our turtles and tortoises come here with some form of a medical issue, whether it’s shell rot, whether it’s metabolic bone disease, which is pretty common, especially with the big tortoises,” RJ said. “The good thing about reptiles, turtles and tortoises is time usually heals all of their issues… It’s just time and proper environment.”

Now, RJ’s mission is to educate the public about responsible pet ownership. “I hope [That Turtle Place is] a place where people can come and get ideas about if they have an animal – ideas how they can care for it better, give animals a better life.” RJ said.

Move over Washington, Chicago and Atlanta. Birmingham is now a burgeoning destination for recent college graduates, according to a new study from payroll services provider ADP.

Details of the study were reported by the Wall Street Journal Friday.

ADP ranked Birmingham along with Austin, Raleigh, Milwaukee and Baltimore among the best “second tier cities” for young professionals. The company looked at cost of living data for more than 5 million workers in their 20s in 55 metro areas. They ranked the cities according to affordability, salaries and hiring.

Birmingham met the criteria to make the top five.

WSJ said that the top-ranking cities tend to have a higher-than-usual concentration of technology, health and financial firms. “Like Birmingham, they are home to research and healthcare institutions that do a lot of hiring themselves,” the article said.

“Birmingham is also winning over young professionals. Companies in healthcare, finance and technology are big employers, as is the University of Alabama at Birmingham and its medical center,” Wall Street Journal reporters Ray A. Smith and Haley Zimmerman wrote.

Raleigh led the list of choicest cities, according to the study. Birmingham rose in its salaries and hiring while falling “just a tad” in affordability, according to the Wall Street Journal.

The article includes comments 22-year-old Aaron Gill, a May graduate from Samford University, who is native to Atlanta. Gill had planned to return to Atlanta before landing a job at Birmingham’s Vulcan Materials. Gill noted Birmingham’s slower pace than Atlanta, but said that, on the other hand, he appreciates the lack of congestion in the Magic City.

Gill also noted that young professionals seem to be moving to the city from around the country, judging by the out-of-state license plates he sees in Vulcan Materials’ parking lot.

“More and more I can see myself living in Birmingham,” Gill said in the article.

Dear Eric: I am recently widowed and have been living in our home in our quiet neighborhood for more than 50 years. My husband and I had a friendship with a female neighbor for five years or so.

When Jack became ill and close to death, Mary became very helpful to me.

We used to email each other every day. I told her I had traded my car for a small luxury SUV. What I got was “well, I hope you feel good about yourself.” The daily emails fell off and I asked why. She said we are from two different worlds and are very different people and then proceeded to evaluate my character.

She said she couldn’t understand why I complained about the workers I had called to the house to do things for me. I didn’t complain about them; I was just surprised by the cost. The man who came and removed furniture for Jack’s hospice had an obnoxious smelling cologne that I mentioned to her, and she reacted by asking how I could think ill of someone who had done something so kind for me.

I told her I was done with this assessment of my character. I feel bad about all this, but I didn’t start it. Mary is in poor financial condition and I’m not, so maybe this is envy of some sort? Though I feel badly, I’m not inclined to fix what I thought was a friendship. Am I wrong?

– Lost Friend

Dear Friend: An unsolicited character critique is not good friend behavior. Now, those who are close to us can sometimes see things about us that we can improve. And, with permission, they can share them. But that’s not what Mary is doing.

It sounds like she’s working through some resentments – perhaps about money, perhaps about class, perhaps about something else entirely. But it’s up to her to be upfront with that, rather than resorting to passive-aggression. If you want to see if there’s something to resurrect in this friendship, you tell her, “something changed in our relationship, and I’d like to talk about why. Are you open to having a conversation about it?” You’ll both want to use “I” statements – she should focus on how she felt rather than what you did wrong in her eyes. And you should do the same. Sometimes, the things that we say can take on different meanings to others because of who they are, where they’re from and what they’re going through. That doesn’t make one person more right or more wrong. But, with conversation and openness, these conflicts can be doorways to empathy and understanding.

Read more Asking Eric and other advice columns.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.

Dear Eric: I work at a small bank with nine coworkers, including myself. We have a dilemma going on in the office. The president and his assistant are sleeping together. They were caught on video after hours in the office. They also rush a few of us out of the office at the end of the day and stay back to do who knows what.

They have been confronted by one coworker to stop doing their mess in the office and that everyone, with the exception of one person who was just hired, knows what they’re doing. They also take multi-hour lunch breaks every day.

The problem is the other coworkers are salaried, with the exception of one, and some are taking advantage of work hours. They’re always leaving early by one hour or coming in late and the president doesn’t say anything because he’s afraid of them going to HR and letting them know what he has done. This leaves some of the other employees, who don’t abuse their time, reeling and wanting to go to HR, but it would probably shut the whole office down because no one here is capable of taking over.

So, are we just out of luck, or do we say something?

– Helpless

Dear Helpless: You have to say something to HR. This is a mess and the mess – not the whistleblowing – is endangering your job and your customer’s well-being. Human Resources is not going to shut down your office. However, it may become necessary for the president to be replaced. If that’s the case, there are people who are trained as interim or crisis leaders who can step in and help right the ship.

Being a part of a small office can sometimes make it harder to call out bad behavior because there’s a fear of being labeled “not a team player” or creating huge waves in a small pond. But the waves are already there. The workplace is toxic. The president of your bank is clearly not exercising good judgment. What you need is someone or something that will calm the seas. That’s where HR can step in.

Read more Asking Eric and other advice columns.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.