DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I issue online invitations to multiple guests at once, I generally use the option to hide the guest list from invitees. I’m not sure why I do this, except that back when I sent invitations through the mail, nobody got (or expected) a list of the other invitees.
However, some of our friends, before they tell us whether they plan to attend or not, immediately ask who else is invited or who else is coming. It makes me wonder if they only plan to attend if the list includes the Cool Kids.
GENTLE READER: Wonder no more.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at missmanners.com, by email to [email protected], or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I worked with someone who was uber passive-aggressive and made my life at work difficult. Fortunately, she retired at the end of the semester.
There was a retirement gathering for her with cake and coffee, given by her colleagues. I vowed long ago as division chair to never attend a gathering for this individual, so I skipped it.
I was confronted and scolded regarding my absence. I didn’t want to lie, so I said there were personal issues that precluded me from attending.
Should I have just gone and been the better person? Should I have lied that I had an appointment?
GENTLE READER: “Passive-aggressive” is one of those terms that Miss Manners has never entirely understood.
Would an example be putting up with bad behavior from a colleague for years without resolving it, and then venting the accumulated frustration by shirking one’s duty as division chair to attend a ceremonial gathering honoring that person’s retirement?
She is equally unclear on the moral distinction between being truthful about your absence (when there are no consequences) compared to having presumably been civil and professional every prior day (when there were).
What would have been the harm in showing up for a colleague you did not care for — but will not have to see again afterwards? Instead of being the better person, we can call it being the bigger person. Or doing your job. Or showing that there are more important things in your life than her bad behavior.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at missmanners.com, by email to [email protected], or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
Dear Annie: I’m stuck in the middle of some serious family tension. My cousin constantly makes little digs about my sister-in-law and my brother behind their backs. For example, she’ll say things like, “Wow, your sister-in-law really knows how to spend money, doesn’t she?” — with a smirk, like she’s trying to be funny, but it’s clearly meant to cut. Then she’ll press me for details about their lives — what they’re doing, what they’ve said, how they spend their time.
I never know how to respond. I don’t want to betray my brother’s trust, but I also don’t want to create drama with my cousin. I feel like I’m walking a tightrope, and someone’s going to get hurt no matter what I do.
How do I stay out of the middle without turning this into a bigger mess? — Torn and Tired
Dear Torn and Tired: You’re in a tough spot — but not a unique one. Many people find themselves caught between loyalty and gossip, especially when family is involved.
Let’s be clear: Your cousin isn’t just “joking” when she makes snide remarks about your sister-in-law. That kind of passive-aggressive behavior is a way of stirring the pot without taking responsibility for it. And by asking you to spill personal details, she’s dragging you into something you want no part of.
Here’s what you do: stop playing along. The next time she makes a comment, gently say, “I’d rather not talk about them when they’re not here.” If she keeps pushing, change the subject. You don’t need to confront her with fireworks — but you also don’t need to be her sounding board or informant.
You can’t control your cousin’s behavior, but you can control your role in it. Protect your peace and remember: Silence is sometimes the strongest boundary of all.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].
Dear Annie: My partner’s mother constantly demands attention, and everything revolves around her. Whenever we’re busy or focused on other things, she lashes out — often hurting those around her, including her grandchildren. She plays favorites, manipulates situations to her advantage and pulls the extended family into her drama. If anyone refuses to engage, they become a target, too.
I’ve tried addressing this directly. Despite multiple attempts to keep the peace, she’s tried to bribe her son to leave me and has used our children as leverage in manipulative ways. She’s crossed the line repeatedly, with no regard for anyone but herself.
At this point, our kids avoid her; they don’t want to call or visit. Still, she plays the victim and refuses to acknowledge the pain she’s caused. After years of trying, I finally drew the line and only speak to her about the kids. When my partner stood up to her, too, she went silent again, cutting all of us off.
Now she’s back at it. I offered to talk face-to-face, but she continues the same toxic cycle. I’m doing my best to protect my family, especially our children, but I also don’t want to completely shut her out. The situation feels hopeless; she takes no responsibility, and the kids want nothing to do with her.
What would you do if someone you loved kept hurting your children emotionally yet refused to change or even acknowledge the damage? — Lost on How To Move Forward
Dear Reader: It sounds like your mother-in-law is struggling with a deep need for control and connection — but unfortunately, she’s expressing it in ways that hurt the people around her, including your children. That’s painful, and I’m sorry you’ve had to carry this for so long.
You’ve tried — more than once — to reach out, set boundaries and keep the door open. But when someone refuses to take responsibility for the harm they cause, it becomes necessary to protect your family’s well-being. That doesn’t mean cutting her out completely, but it does mean making peace with the fact that you can’t change her.
Continue to lead with kindness, but stay firm in your boundaries. If she’s ever ready to approach the relationship with empathy, then there’s room for healing. Until then, your job is to protect your children’s peace — and your own.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].
A report from the National Weather Service was issued on Wednesday at 12:34 a.m. for dense fog until 7:15 a.m. for Marshall, Jackson, DeKalb and Cullman counties.
“Patchy Dense Fog has developed primarily across portions of northeastern Alabama and into Cullman county at this time. Some visibilities have already dropped to 1/4 of a mile or lower in these areas. This should continue at times through daybreak on Wednesday, possibly dropping visibilities to 1/4 mile or less in isolated areas. Motorists are urged to drive with extreme caution, as visibilities will vary significantly given the patchy nature of the fog. Use low beams, reduce driving speed, and allow for plenty of room between you and other cars. The fog should begin to burn off around 7 a.m. Stay tuned to NOAA Weather Radio, or a favorite local media outlet, for further statements or updates from the National Weather Service in Huntsville,” according to the weather service.
Fog safety: Tips from the weather service for safe travels
If you must drive in foggy conditions, keep the following safety tips in mind:
Reduce speed:
Slow down and allow extra travel time to reach your destination safely.
Visibility priority:
Ensure your vehicle is visible to others by using low-beam headlights, which also activate your taillights. If you have fog lights, use them.
Avoid high-beams:
Refrain from using high-beam headlights, as they create glare that impairs your visibility on the road.
Keep your distance:
Maintain a generous following distance to account for abrupt stops or shifting traffic patterns.
Stay in your lane:
Use the road’s lane markings as a guide to remaining in the correct lane.
Zero visibility strategy:
In cases of near-zero visibility due to dense fog, initiate your hazard lights and locate a secure spot, such as a nearby business parking area, to pull over and come to a halt.
Limited parking options:
If no designated parking area is available, pull your vehicle as far off the road as possible. Once stationary, deactivate all lights except the hazard flashers, engage the emergency brake, and release the brake pedal to ensure your tail lights are not illuminated, reducing the risk of other drivers colliding with your stationary vehicle.
By adhering to these recommendations from the weather service, you can navigate foggy conditions more safely, reducing the risk of accidents and ensuring your well-being.
Advance Local Weather Alerts is a service provided by United Robots, which uses machine learning to compile the latest data from the National Weather Service.
Looking at the scene from an artistic point of view, the elements settle differently. Dark and light may contrast, but it’s not because one is good and the other is evil. It’s because both are necessary to make out the picture. Similarly, chaos isn’t inherently ugly, and organization isn’t inherently beautiful. The solar square to Pluto offers a larger context to help make sense of it all.
ARIES (March 21-April 19). Change will happen exponentially. One move will have three effects, and suddenly, there are nine results, then 27, and on and on. Whatever you give, make sure it’s golden and something that will have a benefit when duplicated and amplified.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20). You’ll be detoured, but that doesn’t mean you’ll be off course. Maybe it’s not for everyone, but this is the right path for you. It will provide just the right amount of challenge and the most fitting rewards.
GEMINI (May 21-June 21). Trust in the processes you can’t control, which will be most of them. All you have to control is one little wheel to get exactly where you want to go. Life is a barge, and the hands on the captain’s wheel are yours.
CANCER (June 22-July 22). To be overly focused on seeking approval or trying to be liked by others would only diminish your ability to be graceful in social situations. Instead of relying on others for validation, cultivate your own sense of happiness and comfort.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). Balance is key, not just in work but also in play and passion. Overindulging, even in things you love, can lead to burnout or diminish their value. Taking breaks and moderating your intensity allows you to sustain your energy over time.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). You’re not always in the mood to compete, but when it’s game time, you will rise to the occasion regardless. That winning instinct will kick in as the spirit of competition fuels and quickens you.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). By respecting and valuing yourself the way you want others to, you set the standard for how they should treat you. Let go of something you were doing just to gain someone’s approval. It signals to others that you won’t compromise yourself.
SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). Even though you could point out the problems around you, why not save them for your notebook? You’ll put it to good use, jotting down both issues and what’s going right — so when the time comes to speak, you’ll do so thoughtfully.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). You wish for fresh delights. Have you used up all the opportunities for joy in your immediate environment? Of course not, but it takes someone new on the scene to stir things up and reveal the hidden magic still waiting to be explored.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). The need for approval and acceptance is primal — a form of intelligence evolved over millennia. It’s not a weakness but a fact of the human condition. It’s totally natural to care a little more about validation than we want to.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). Love is a quality of attention. The opposite of love isn’t hate — it’s neglect. Where there is a lack of focus and interaction, there’s a lack of love. You’ll take the initiative to actively engage, listen and nurture connections. Love thrives.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). Returning to the basics is in order. It would be easy to get so caught up in advanced techniques or ideas that you overlook the power of the fundamentals. Going back to the core principles will uncover anything you might have missed.
TODAY’S BIRTHDAY (April 23). Your year sparkles with happy news, exciting events and outrageous fun, with you at the center of the story. You live by your optimism and a sense of adventure that extends to your social life and the relationships you seek as well as to your creative endeavors. More highlights: hot tickets, justice served, and a business that booms, keeping your skills sharp and your resources plush enough to be generous. Leo and Sagittarius adore you. Your lucky numbers are: 28, 5, 7, 30 and 26.
CELEBRITY PROFILES: Recently, 7UP released a limited-edition canned version of the Shirley Temple, sparking nostalgia among fans. Shirley Temple was a tap-dancing ray of sunshine in the Great Depression and is, to this day, the youngest person to earn an Academy Award, which she accepted at the age of 6 for her outstanding contribution to cinema. The curly-topped Taurus ambassador had four natal luminaries in Aries, the sign of youth, vitality and feisty spirit. Her Neptune, the dream planet, was in entertaining Leo.
Holiday Mathis’ debut novel, “How To Fail Epically in Hollywood,” is out now! This fast-paced romp about achieving Hollywood stardom is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit creatorspublishing.com for more information. Write Holiday Mathis at HolidayMathis.com.
In a tough night to open a series against an in-state foe, Rocket City saw one of its top prospects shine yet again.
Starter George Klassen’s strong night on the mound was the highlight of a 7-1 loss to the Birmingham Barons for the Trash Pandas.
The No. 3-ranked prospect in the Los Angeles Angels organization pitched 5.1 shutout innings for the Trash Pandas, allowing just three hits and one walk while striking out nine batters.
His Tuesday game comes six days after a strong showing against the Montgomery Biscuits that saw him allow just one earned run and strike out eight across five innings of work.
“A little bit of better fastball command early, that helped him get in the rhythm early,” Trash Pandas manager Andy Schatzley said of Klassen’s performance on Tuesday. “He had a little bit of a better feel for the breaking ball, too.”
Brady Choban took the loss after allowing five runs in 1.1 innings out of the bullpen for Rocket City, which fell to 4-11 on the year with the loss and now has a -30 run differential.
The lone run for Rocket City came in the bottom of the ninth as Sam Brown’s RBI single scored Denzer Guzman; Guzman had two of the Trash Pandas’ four hits, adding to Brown’s single and a triple from Christian Moore.
“It’s been a little bit the way things have gone, more good than bad,” Schatzley said. “It’s just kind of a slow start offensively. Klassen was probably the best he’s been, one of the better defensive nights we’ve had. We’ve just got to create more opportunities offensively.”
The Trash Pandas have lost eight of their last nine games, with the lone win being a 7-5 victory at Montgomery on Thursday; five of those losses have been by two runs or less.
“There’s no secret sauce, and I wish there was, but it’s a marathon,” Schatzley said of looking to find consistency. “It’s not a sprint. We have a solid, efficient, good offensive team, and we’ve got better days coming.”
Rocket City will continue the series at 11:05 a.m. on Wednesday in Madison for education day; the series will run through Sunday, with a t-shirt giveaway on Thursday and postgame fireworks on Friday,
“The numbers don’t really indicate it, but the lineup is deep,” Schatzley said. “There’s a lot of guys with a lot of ability, one through nine, it just hasn’t shown up yet.”
Mountain Brook High School’s boys and girls swept the 80th AHSAA Class 6A State Tennis Championships in Mobile. It was no big surprise for the Spartans’ faithful as the titles upped the girls’ AHSAA championship record to 35 and the boys’ record to 29.
Mountain Brook’s girls have won eight consecutive championships – 2017-2025 (there was no tournament in 2020) – and trail only UMS-Wright’s 11 for most AHSAA titles in a row.
It was the first two crowns for new Mountain Brook head coach Carlee Petro.
Mountain Brook’s girls totaled 69 points to beat runner-up UMS-Wright with 48 points. The Mountain Brook boys totaled 81 points with runner-up Jasper finishing with 53.
Mountain Brook’s girls won the No. 2, 3, 5 and 6 singles titles and the No. 3 doubles title. The Spartans’ boys won five of six singles championships and two of three doubles titles.
UMS-Wright senior Sarah Ladd makes a return on the way to an Alabama High School Athletic Association No. 1 singles state championship on Tuesday, April 22, 2025, in Mobile.AHSAA
Sarah Ladd of UMS-Wright closed her senior season at 17-3 beating Clare LaCour of McGill-Toolen Catholic 6-4, 2-6, 10-7 to win the No. 1 singles title. Mountain Brook’s Olivia Roberts won at No. 2, Leslie Mitchell at No. 3, Mary Magaret Malatesta at No. 5 and Sarah Still at No. 6.
UMS-Wright’s Ann-Dyas Thompson beat Mountain Brook’s Kelcie Dowling in the No. 4 singles finals.
Northridge freshman Will Thorn (15-2)prevented Mountain Brook’s boys from sweeping all six singles crowns with a 6-1, 6-2 win over the Spartans’ No. 1 singles player Thomas Austin (23-10) in the finals.
Mountain Brook swept the remaining singles championships, with Quint Freeman winning at No. 2, Hews Goodson at No. 3, Max Gayden at No. 4, Tony Sciara at No. 5, and Karna Palaniappan at No. 6.
The 2025 AHSAA Tennis Championships continue Thursday and Friday at Mobile Tennis Center with Classes 4A/5A and Class 7A competing.
Lauderdale County High School’s girls tennis team won its second straight AHSAA Class 1A/3A state tennis title Tuesday in Mobile as the 80th AHSAA state championships concluded play in Class 1A/3A and Class 6A.
The Class 1A/3A boys’ championship, however, ended with Tuscaloosa Academy and Covenant Christian tied with 52 points each. The two teams agreed to settle the tie Wednesday starting at 9 a.m. The playoff tiebreaker requires the two boys’ squads to play No. 1 and No. 6 singles players to face off in singles matches and the two teams’ No. 2 doubles duos will also meet in a third match. The team to win the most matches of the three will then be declared the champions.
Covenant Christian held a 52-50 lead over Tuscaloosa Academy thanks to singles championship wins by Tucker McWilliams in the No. 3 singles finals, Zack Bell in the No. 4 finals and Carson Spainin the No. 5 finals. Tuscaloosa Academy also placed four players in singles finals with Covenant Christian winning three matches over TA.
Tuscaloosa Academy’s Johni Kneer makes a return on his way to a second straight Class 1A/3A No. 1 singles title on Tuesday, April 22, 2025, in Mobile at the Alabama High School Athletic Association State Tennis Championships.AHSAA
Tuscaloosa Academy’s hopes of salvaging a tie rested with defending Class 1A/3A No. 1 singles champion Johni Kneer (11-1) in his match with Ryen Walker (16-1) of Whitesburg Christian.That match was tough one, but Kneer prevailed 6-4, 5-7, 10-5 to knot Tuscaloosa Academy and Covenant Christian at 52-52 to force Wednesday’s playoff.
Lauderdale County’s boys finished third with 41 points.
Lauderdale County’s girls posted 56 points to claim the 1A/3A girls’ crown. Runner-up St. Luke’s Episcopal finished with 39. Shoals Christian and Whitesburg Christian tied for third place with 29 points each.
The Tigers from Rogersville captured three singles titles with Ivey Tinker winning at No. 4, Allie Brown at No. 5 and Olivia Garner at No. 6. St. Luke’s junior Ella Bentley (25-0) won her third straight No. 1 singles title with a 6-0, 7-5 victory over Amaia Vargasof Pike Liberal Arts. She also joined with Lauren Watson to defeat University Charter School’s Mable Beard and Emma Ryan Edmonds to claim the No. 1 doubles crown.
The Class 4A/5A and Class 7A state boys and girls State Championship Tournaments are scheduled for Thursday and Friday in Mobile.
AHSAA STATE TENNIS CHAMPIONSHIPS
Mobile Tennis Center
CLASS 1A/3A GIRLS FINAL TEAM RESULTS
Lauderdale County 56; St. Luke’s Episcopal 39; Shoals Christian 29; Whitesburg Christian 29; University Charter School 21; Glenwood 19; T.R. Miller 17; Mars Hill Bible 11; Lee-Scott Academy 9; Tuscaloosa Academy 8; Pike Liberal Arts 6; Victory Christian 3; Decatur Heritage 0; Westbrook Christian 0.
INDIVIDUAL RESULTS
Tuesday’s Singles Championship Matches
No. 1: Ella Bentley, St. Luke’s def. Amaia Vargas, Pike Liberal Arts, 6-0, 7-5
No. 2: Lauren Watson, University Charter def. Kaleigh Owen, Shoals Christian, 6-3, 2-6, 10-7
No. 3: Lyla Wells, Shoals Christian def. Molly Burchell, Lauderdale County, 6-1, 6-1
No. 5: Gentry Bilyeau, Shoals Christian def. Allie Brown, Lauderdale County, 6-2, 6-1
No. 6: Olivia Garner, Lauderdale County def. Sara Beth Kahn, Lee-Scott, 7-5, 6-3
Tuesday’s Doubles Semifinal Pairings
No. 1: Ella Bentley/Lauren Watson, St. Luke’s def. Mable Beard/Emma Ryan Edmunds, University Charter, 6-1, 6-0
No. 2: Laura Litton/Mili Sanchez, Glenwood def. Molly Burchell/Ivey Tinker, Lauderdale County, 6-2, 6-2, 10-5
No. 3: Lyla Wells/Reed Vincent, Shoals Christian def. Allie Brown/Olivia Garner, Lauderdale County, 6-0, 6-4
CLASS 1A/3A BOYS FINAL TEAM RESULTS
Covenant Christian 52; Tuscaloosa Academy 52; Lauderdale County 41; Whitesburg Christian 37; Bayside Academy 24; Westminster-Oak Mountain 21; Lee-Scott Academy 16; Northside Methodist 16; Excel 11; Shoals Christian 7; Westbrook Christian 3; Cullman Christian 0; T.R. Miller 0; Alabama Christian 0.
John Wahl, chairman of the state political party, said that the president reached out to University officials about the possibility of him taking part in the commencement ceremony “as it was one of the places he specifically wanted to visit.”
The University’s Governmental Affairs team and members of Trump’s administration then worked together to coordinate the details to “make this historic event possible.”
“President Trump has always prioritized citizen engagement and connecting with every day Americans – especially young people across the country,” Wahl said.
“The State of Alabama and the University of Alabama is a natural fit for that vision.”
Wahl said the president’s visit, which will occur during a ticketed event at Coleman Coliseum on May 1 – ahead of the official graduation ceremonies on the university’s campus – had been in the works for several days.
The University of Alabama’s graduation ceremonies are scheduled for May 2 through May 4.
“President Trump and the people of Alabama have always shared a special bond, and we’re proud to welcome him back to a state that continues to lead the way in upholding conservative values,” Wahl said.
Trump announced his visit to the University of Alabama in a Truth Social post on Monday.
He will also deliver a commencement address on May 24 at the U.S. Military Academy in West Point, N.Y. Delivering graduation ceremonies at one of the nation’s five military academies is a common ritual for U.S. presidents.
Brilyn Hollyhand, chair of the Republican National Committee’s Youth Advisory Council, and a high school student in Tuscaloosa, credited Republican U.S. Sen. Katie Britt for playing a key role in getting Trump to visit the university.
“When (Britt) has the opportunity to have the president’s ear, she is advocating for this,” Hollyhand said.
“This is her wanting to do something for the state. Most politicians would take the opportunity to get a picture with the (president and his) family. She used her time at dinners and calls to get this idea into his head.”
Britt’s office declined to comment beyond issuing a statement earlier Tuesday that called the president’s appearance a “tremendous honor for the university” and a first in the nearly 200-year history at the University of Alabama.
“As an alumna, I am especially proud to see my alma mater chosen for such a historic occasion,” Britt said in the statement.
It is unclear how involved the University of Alabama or the Board of Trustees was in coordinating the president’s visit.
Efforts to reach board members for comment on Tuesday were unsuccessful.
The UA board’s spokesperson directed inquiries about the group’s official statement to university spokesperson Alex House.
House announced earlier in the day that the Coleman Coliseum event would be a ticketed event and open to all spring 2025 graduates.
Trump’s visit is in addition to the already scheduled commencement events planned through the weekend.
House said that campus logistics and security measures are being carefully coordinated and that ticketing information will be released in the coming days.
Tuscaloosa Mayor Walt Maddox said he became aware “a couple of days ago” that Trump was coming to the campus for commencement.
Beyond that, Maddox said, he had no other details about how the event was orchestrated.
“We all have a job to do, and the City’s is to make sure that our President has a safe and enjoyable visit to Tuscaloosa,” Maddox said. “It is always an honor to host our Nation’s Commander in Chief.”
Trump has made several visits to the University of Alabama, but mostly during football games and inside Bryant-Denny Stadium.
“President Trump is sitting in the Oval Office today because of Gen Z, and he hasn’t forgotten about our generation,” Hollyhand said, referring to the generation loosely defined as people born around 1997 to 2012.
“This historic speech has been weeks in the making and the president’s commitment to fly from Washington and take the time out of leading the Free World to speak to my peers in Alabama means the world and is a true testament to his priorities: encouraging the next generation of young leaders.”
The president’s return to Alabama is the first to occur since last November’s election, when he received nearly 65% of the vote.