Dear Annie: I am struggling with how to handle this situation. My husband and I have been married for 44 years, and we have one son who is married with a grandson.
Five years ago, we decided to move closer to our son’s family to be near our grandson. However, once or twice a year, my husband reminds me that I “ruined his life” by forcing him to move. He accuses me of being selfish for wanting to be closer to our grandson.
Adding to this, my husband strongly dislikes our son’s mother-in-law, which he has made very clear to me. He refuses to attend holiday dinners if she will be there. Our daughter-in-law is unaware of his feelings about her mother. This situation has left me constantly worrying about whether my husband will attend our grandson’s sports activities or events if the other grandmother is present.
I’m exhausted from the stress of managing this ongoing conflict. It’s reached the point where I’m seriously considering divorce, as I no longer want to live with this constant tension and misery.
Any advice you could offer would be greatly appreciated. — Thinking of Divorce
Dear Thinking of Divorce: I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It sounds like you’ve been carrying a heavy emotional burden for a long time. Your feelings matter, and you deserve to feel peace and happiness in your life. Speak openly with your husband about your feelings.
In addition, seek a well-trained marriage therapist to address these issues together. A trusted therapist can also help you explore your feelings and options in a safe, supportive space. Whatever path you choose, please know you’re not alone, and there is hope for a more fulfilling future.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].
On Wednesday at 2:35 a.m. the National Weather Service issued a winter storm watch valid from Friday midnight until Saturday 6 a.m. for Marion, Lamar, Fayette, Winston, Walker, Blount, Etowah, Calhoun, Cherokee, Cleburne, Jefferson, Shelby, St. Clair, Talladega, Clay and Randolph counties.
The weather service describes, “Heavy snow possible, mixing at times with sleet and freezing rain. Total snow and sleet accumulations between 2 and 5 inches possible.”
“Roads, and especially bridges and overpasses, will likely become slick and hazardous. Travel could be very difficult to impossible. The hazardous conditions could impact the Friday morning and evening commutes,” describes the weather service. “Monitor the latest forecasts for updates on this situation. Persons should delay all travel if possible. If travel is absolutely necessary, drive with extreme caution and be prepared for sudden changes in visibility. Leave plenty of room between you and the motorist ahead of you, and allow extra time to reach your destination. Avoid sudden braking or acceleration, and be especially cautious on hills or when making turns. Make sure your car is winterized and in good working order.”
Mastering winter roads: Guidance from the weather service for safe winter travel
Winter’s icy grip often turns roads treacherous, leading to over 6,000 weather-related vehicle fatalities and more than 480,000 injuries each year. When you find yourself on snowy or freezing rain-slicked roads, your top priority should be safety. Slow down and exercise caution. In temperatures near freezing, it’s prudent to assume icy patches on the road and adjust your driving accordingly. Be on alert for ice accumulating on power lines and tree branches, as they may break and fall. If possible, avoid driving in these conditions altogether. But if you must venture out, choose routes with fewer trees and power lines, and never touch a downed power line. If you encounter one, dial 911 immediately. Here are additional winter driving tips from the weather service:
Share your travel plans:
When venturing out of town in hazardous winter weather, be sure to inform family or friends of your destination, your intended route, and your estimated arrival time.
Prepare your vehicle:
Ensure your gas tank is full and equip your vehicle with essential winter supplies, including a windshield scraper, jumper cables, a small shovel, flashlight, cell phone, blanket, extra warm clothing, drinking water, and high-calorie non-perishable food.
Stay calm when stranded:
If you become stranded, remain composed. Inform someone about your situation and location. Avoid attempting to walk to safety. Indicate that you need assistance by attaching a cloth to your car’s antenna or mirror, and make your vehicle more visible by using the dome light and flashers
Be aware of snow plows:
Keep an eye out for snow plows and allow them ample room to pass. Only overtake a plow when you have a clear view of the road ahead.
Check road conditions:
Before embarking on your journey, verify the current road conditions to make informed travel decisions.
These winter driving tips from the weather service are your key to a safer journey on snow-covered roads. By following these guidelines, you can significantly reduce the risk of accidents and ensure your well-being during challenging winter weather.
Advance Local Weather Alerts is a service provided by United Robots, which uses machine learning to compile the latest data from the National Weather Service.
The National Weather Service issued a winter storm watch at 2:12 a.m. on Wednesday valid from Friday midnight until Saturday 6 a.m. for Lauderdale, Colbert, Franklin, Lawrence, Limestone, Madison, Morgan, Marshall, Jackson, DeKalb and Cullman counties.
The weather service states, “Heavy snow possible Northern Alabama and Southern Middle Tennessee. Total snow accumulations between 4 and 6 inches possible with higher amounts up to 8 inches.”
“Roads, and especially bridges and overpasses, will likely become slick and hazardous,” adds the weather service. “Persons should delay all travel if possible. If travel is absolutely necessary, drive with extreme caution and be prepared for sudden changes in visibility. Leave plenty of room between you and the motorist ahead of you, and allow extra time to reach your destination. Avoid sudden braking or acceleration, and be especially cautious on hills or when making turns. Make sure your car is winterized and in good working order.”
Mastering winter roads: Guidance from the weather service for safe winter travel
Winter’s icy grip often turns roads treacherous, leading to over 6,000 weather-related vehicle fatalities and more than 480,000 injuries each year. When you find yourself on snowy or freezing rain-slicked roads, your top priority should be safety. Slow down and exercise caution. In temperatures near freezing, it’s prudent to assume icy patches on the road and adjust your driving accordingly. Be on alert for ice accumulating on power lines and tree branches, as they may break and fall. If possible, avoid driving in these conditions altogether. But if you must venture out, choose routes with fewer trees and power lines, and never touch a downed power line. If you encounter one, dial 911 immediately. Here are additional winter driving tips from the weather service:
Share your travel plans:
When traveling out of town in hazardous winter weather, inform your family or friends of your destination, planned route, and estimated time of arrival.
Prepare your vehicle:
Ensure your gas tank is full and equip your vehicle with essential winter supplies, including a windshield scraper, jumper cables, a small shovel, flashlight, cell phone, blanket, extra warm clothing, drinking water, and high-calorie non-perishable food.
Stay calm when stranded:
If you become stranded, stay composed. Notify someone about your situation and location. Avoid attempting to walk to safety. Attach a cloth to your car’s antenna or mirror to signal that you require assistance. Make your vehicle more visible by using the dome light and flashers.
Be aware of snow plows:
Keep an eye out for snow plows and allow them ample room to pass. Only overtake a plow when you have a clear view of the road ahead.
Check road conditions:
Before embarking on your journey, check the latest road conditions to make informed travel decisions.
These winter driving tips from the weather service are your key to a safer journey on snow-covered roads. By following these guidelines, you can significantly reduce the risk of accidents and ensure your well-being during challenging winter weather.
Advance Local Weather Alerts is a service provided by United Robots, which uses machine learning to compile the latest data from the National Weather Service.
Dear Annie: I have mobility issues and use a walker, so I’m mostly confined to my home. My son helps by taking me to the beauty salon and occasionally to the bank or pharmacy, but I spend most of my time at home.
Today, two ladies showed up at my door unexpectedly. I hadn’t been up long and wasn’t dressed for visitors, and my house was far from presentable. There were Christmas boxes scattered everywhere, and I had just dropped a coffee cup, leaving broken pieces all over the kitchen floor. Needless to say, I wasn’t in a state to entertain anyone.
When they rang the doorbell, I chose not to answer. It wasn’t that I didn’t appreciate their visit, but the timing caught me completely off guard. Had I known they were coming, I would’ve had time to change clothes, tidy up the living room and prepare myself to receive guests.
Now I’m feeling guilty and wondering if I was wrong not to answer the door.
Should I have let them in, despite the chaos and my discomfort? What’s the polite way to handle unexpected visitors when you simply aren’t ready for company? — Feeling Awkward
Dear Feeling Awkward: You were absolutely not wrong to prioritize your comfort and well-being. Managing unexpected visitors can be challenging, especially when you’re dealing with mobility issues and weren’t prepared. It’s completely understandable that you chose not to answer the door in that moment.
A kind way to handle this in the future might be to call or message the visitors later, thanking them for stopping by and explaining that it wasn’t a good time. Most people will understand and appreciate your thoughtfulness.
Remember, it’s OK to set boundaries and take care of yourself first; you don’t need to feel guilty for that.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].
Dear Eric: I hired Stacey a couple years ago. She’s got lots of great skills but struggles with being on time and staying focused. Despite this, I gave her an opportunity to take on more responsibility through a promotion.
She was very excited about it, but even after a year of training, meetings, etc., she still is chronically late and unable to complete tasks independently. It takes a lot of my energy to manage her.
My HR department wants me to start a disciplinary process for her tardiness. My issue is that she clearly has executive function issues, and she often references this when I address work performance issues. It’s hard for me not to feel like I’m punishing her for something she really cannot control, but I need something to change … even if it’s just my perspective.
– Time Management
Dear Management: When Stacey brings up her executive function issues, use that as an opportunity to talk solutions. What can she do to make her working environment work for her? What are the parts of her job that she finds consistently challenging and are there ways that you two can find creative alternatives? Are there accommodations that can be made?
If she has concrete asks, you might be empowered to approve them, or you can take them to HR as a performance improvement plan. Philosophies vary by workplace, but discipline seems a less effective tactic than a plan to target the problem issues and work toward change. This also empowers her to be a better advocate for herself, which will make her a better contributor to the team.
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
Dear Eric: Six months ago, I eloped with a man I had been dating for two weeks. We are now expecting our first child together.
I am a student, and I work part time. He works full time. He has this friend that drinks and gambles. Every night my husband wants to go watch his friend gamble and drink (my husband doesn’t really do either).
The friend is on Social Security and constantly asks for money, which he doesn’t always pay back.
My husband and I have been arguing a lot about this friend and the time and money he spends on him.
We are living paycheck to paycheck. We have three kids from previous relationships, and the one on the way. Financially, we are struggling, but my husband still gives his friend free rides all over town and money to gamble and buy alcohol.
It also makes me really sad that after I spend all day at school and then all evening at work, the minute I get home, my husband leaves to spend time with his friend. When I brought it up, he told me to get my own friends, and it wouldn’t be an issue. Please, help. What do I do?
– Brokenhearted
Dear Brokenhearted: You’re in pain and it won’t help you for me to belabor the past, so I’ll simply say that neither of you put enough consideration into this relationship before tying the knot. Now, things that might have come up while dating and living independently are creating marital strife, which can have far-reaching impact.
But it’s not too late. With regard to your finances, have a budget conversation with your husband in which you both outline shared goals, strategies and values. Is all money that comes into the house shared money or only a portion? Do you have a strategy for saving for the new child or any other goals?
Starting off with general objectives around money will help keep you both from getting mired in debate about the gambling friend. If, for instance, you work out a budget that accounts for every dollar, then you don’t have any extra to loan to the friend.
Money can be an emotional subject, and the loans are clearly touching on an isolation you’re feeling in the marriage, as well. Have a separate conversation about what you want and need from a married partnership and ask him what he needs. What can you two do together to create meaningful experiences and draw closer? You’re seeing him pour time into his friendship; your marriage won’t flourish if you both aren’t pouring time into it as well.
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
The Mercury change is an omen for constructive communication. When two people really want to understand one another, even an argument can bring them closer together. The relationship improves because their knowledge of one another improves. But when people want to get their own way without understanding, even when they win, the relationship deteriorates.
ARIES (March 21-April 19). Are they wondering what you’re going to say and do next? Then you’re in a good position. You have their attention, and that’s enough to leverage into the next thing you need. You’re on your way!
TAURUS (April 20-May 20). Many have meditated on world peace, though none did achieve it. Even so, do not doubt that harmonizing your being, in whatever way feels best to you, will make a difference. If you feel more at ease, so will others around you.
GEMINI (May 21-June 21). You’ve the dedication to do what it takes, but often the instructions aren’t clearly stated. The importance of an observational process cannot be underestimated, and this takes patience and time to watch and learn. You have both, so relax into it.
CANCER (June 22-July 22). You’ll strike a lovely balance with your communication today, with directness and specificity. Some of this is instinctual. Even if you haven’t thought things through, you sense that the situation needs a confident approach and you rise to the occasion.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). Seeing others further along in their journey may leave you wishing you’d started sooner. You’re here now, and that’s what matters. However it looks, these are the ideal circumstances. Move forward and love and support will surround you.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). You’re effective on multiple levels today, practical, financial, emotional, and then there’s something else — a realm of uncanny power or coincidence, however you want to see it. You’ll think of someone, and then they show up in your world.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). Your choices may seem impractical, and this is because they absolutely are. Who said everything has to be practical? As you stave off the dullness of the world with capriciousness and whimsy, your approach favors more than just you.
SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). There are many excellent aspects to pretending. But there are dangers, too. You never know when someone’s going to believe the pretense, or worse prefer it. Whatever you pretend, today will require you to keep pretending in the future.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). When a solution comes easily, you’ll move on to the next puzzle. When it doesn’t, you’ll keep after the one you have until there’s a breakthrough. Either way, you’re solving problems, so you can be proud of the fact that you’re part of the solution.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). You love to slip into a state of flow and join with an experience so that thought and action are one continuous wave. You’ll be once more immersed in such a state, living the moment of your own peak performance.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). Your social conscience will be activated once more. Whatever you buy is a signal of approval to the seller. To buy something is to promote the ways it was made. If you saw it made in front of you, would you feel differently about it?
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) You’ll need less from the world, but you’ll be given more. Paradoxically, when you stop chasing, things seem to flow to you effortlessly. Your self-sufficiency becomes magnetic, drawing opportunities and kindness from unexpected places.
TODAY’S BIRTHDAY (Jan. 8). You’ll enter the arena of ever-changing circumstances. Don’t hesitate to adapt because it’s what makes you a star. More highlights: Abundant charisma and chemistry is yours, and you’ll win friends easily, start a group and become a legend. You’ll update a skill. You’ll sign a life-changing document. Virgo and Sagittarius adore you. Your lucky numbers are: 8, 3, 33, 10 and 14.
CELEBRITY PROFILES: Despite the rumors, Elvis never does really leave the building. Recently, Elvis Presley’s “Memphis” collection was released, featuring over 111 tracks of the singer’s hometown recordings. The collection was timed to coincide with the 70th anniversary of Presley’s first recording session at Sun Studio, making it a centerpiece of Elvis Week at Graceland. Presley’s three Capricorn luminaries are contrasted by a sensitive Pisces moon and lucky Jupiter in sensational Scorpio.
Holiday Mathis’ debut novel, “How To Fail Epically in Hollywood,” is out now! This fast-paced romp about achieving Hollywood stardom is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit creatorspublishing.com for more information. Write Holiday Mathis at HolidayMathis.com.
It’s been 70 years since Auburn basketball played a game in Austin, Texas. Not only was it successful, but it was a historic one.
Auburn’s 87-82 victory over the Texas Longhorns gave Auburn head coach Bruce Pearl sole possession of the all-time wins mark in school history with 214 wins.
The Tigers move to 14-1 overall and will travel to South Carolina this weekend before returning back home to host Mississippi State.
Here are three takeaways from Tuesday’s victory over Texas:
Auburn’s defense set the tempo early
Auburn came out firing in the first half shooting over 50% from the floor and behind the arc. However, the Tigers forced nine Texas turnovers to start the game.
The Tigers scored 12 points off of 11 Longhorn turnovers. Auburn finished the game with 10 blocks and six steals as a team.
Outside of Artur Kaluma’s 14 points, The Longhorns did not hit a three-pointer in the first half. Kaluma finished with a game-high 34 points.
Brilliant shooting night for the Tigers
Miles Kelly led the charge for the Tigers connecting on his first three shots from beyond the arc. He finished the first half with 13 points, and a game total of 18.
Johni Broome led the frontcourt with another double-double finishing with a team-high 20 points and team-leading 12 rebounds. Chad Baker-Mazara and Tahaad Pettiford combined for 26 points as the Tigers hit eight shots from beyond the arc.
Will Auburn be the new No. 1 team?
Current No. 1 Tennesse lost its first game of the season to Florida 73-43, making room for the Tigers to move up in next week’s poll.
As long as Auburn keeps their nose clean heading into next Monday, it’s very possible Auburn will have the top spot in the AP and Coaches polls.
Not only is Auburn next in line, but they’ve got the resume to show for it. The highlight being seven Quad I victories following Tuesday night’s win over Texas.
Auburn has beat No. 3 Iowa State, No. 15 Houston, No. 16 Purdue (by 18) and No. 21 Memphis (by 14) with its only loss coming on the road against No. 5 Duke.
Bruce Pearl has reached orange and blue immortality on the plains.
Auburn’s 64-year-old head coach now stands alone as the all-time winningest men’s basketball coach in Auburn history, passing Joel Eaves, who led the program from 1949-1963.
The illustrious 214 wins come after 10 and a half seasons, five NCAA tournament appearances, two SEC regular season championships, two SEC tournament championships and one Final Four. That’s without mentioning that the team who got him to the mark on Tuesday might be his best yet.
Auburn beat Texas 87-82 Tuesday night, improving to 14-1, ranking No. 2 in the country and continuing to look like a title contender.
It’s a team filled with former JUCO, Division II and mid-major transfers, a group only fitting for a man whose athletic career was cut short by injuries in high school and spent nine years coaching Division II basketball before taking his first Division I head coaching job.
…
You could use many different terms to describe the Southern Indiana Screaming Eagles men’s basketball teams of the 1990s. Exciting, talented, well-supported, together, the list goes on. The first word that will come to the minds of many who were around the program at the time would likely be: Winners.
The Screaming Eagles went 231-46 from 1992-2001, arguably the most successful period in the program’s history and the nine-year stretch where a young Pearl got his introduction to being a head coach.
It didn’t take long for him to figure it out either.
After finishing 22-7 and making the NCAA Division II Tournament in his first season, Pearl quickly led USI to a national runner-up finish in 1994 and a Division II National Championship in 1995, the first and only in the program’s history.
“He just had a way of us all getting on the same page very quickly,” said Stan Gouard, USI’s current head coach and one of Pearl’s star players from 1993-1996. “He allowed us to be us and no one else. But at the same time, the most important thing was trying to chase the common goal of winning.”
Pearl inherited a USI program that had experienced spurts of success in its 22-year history, but it was rarely maintained for more than a couple seasons and never turned into any championships.
It was an opportunity to prove himself as a head coach at a lower level than he was used to, coming from assistant coaching spells under Tom Davis at Boston College, Stanford and Iowa.
To say Pearl proved himself would be an understatement, leaving USI as the school’s all-time winningest head coach, a mark that stood until 2019.
Fast forward 22 years from when Pearl first arrived in Evansville, a new program building challenge and opportunity to reinvent himself stood before him.
When Pearl accepted the Auburn head coaching job, the Tigers had a record of 64-92 over the previous five seasons and hadn’t made the NCAA tournament in 11 years.
At the time, Pearl’s image wasn’t quite what it used to be either. Taking over at Auburn was somewhat of a second chance at coaching for Pearl, whose time at Tennessee ended with a recruiting scandal that led to a three-year show cause from the NCAA, keeping him out of the business for an extended period of time.
“It’s been a long three years being away from the game,” Pearl said at his introductory news conference in 2014. “I have found this part of the country to be a part of the country that offers grace. And but for the grace of God, I would not be standing here today as your next men’s basketball coach and I’m truly grateful.”
Auburn’s new basketball coach Bruce Pearl and his wife, Brandy, arrive Tuesday, March 18, 2014, at the Auburn University Regional Airport in Auburn, Ala. (Julie Bennett/[email protected]) AL.COMAL.COM
With that gratitude, Pearl not only turned the program’s results around, but his charisma, personality and relatability turned him into a local icon and made basketball important again at Auburn.
Ten years on from Pearl’s first day on the plains and Neville Arena is known as one of the biggest homecourt advantages in college basketball and rarely has an empty seat.
“It sends a message, I guess, around the world of college basketball that basketball matters in Auburn,” Pearl said during the Tipoff at Toomer’s preseason event prior to the 2024-2025 season. “Who puts a court down the middle of downtown, brings in Cole Swindell, gets 10,000 people to show up on a beautiful fall night? Auburn, Alabama, does.”
How Pearl was described at USI isn’t too different than the adjectives many use to describe him in Auburn.
In the May 5, 1992, edition of the Evansville Press –- the day Pearl first met with reporters after taking the USI job –- the then 32-year-old rookie head coach was characterized as “a smooth talker,” “funny,” and “seems to be able to get along with most anybody.”
“His personality, of course, won me over from Day 1,” Gouard said. “Just made me feel like I could do anything, just based on a simple conversation or motivational factor.”
Gouard was one of Pearl’s first big recruits as a head coach, bringing him to Division II USI over a handful of Division I schools. Along with Pearl’s personality, the relationships Pearl built with Gouard’s friends and family members convinced the Danville, Illinois, native to join the young head coach at USI.
Pearl’s words and motivation seemed to work. Three seasons, two NABC Division II Player of the Year awards and one national championship later, Gouard was known as one of the greatest players in USI history and was ready to pivot toward Pearl’s line of work.
“I tell him all the time to this day, the reason I’m coaching is because the way he treated and motivated me as a person, and he shaped my life to be the person I am today,” Gouard said.
…
Almost 30 years on from when Gouard told Pearl he wanted to coach –- a conversation that occurred on the way home from the national championship –- a shirtless Dylan Cardwell sat in the Neville Arena media room.
Cardwell, a fifth-year senior, has been with Pearl for 102 of his 214 wins at Auburn, and was quick to fire off a joke about his impact on Pearl’s success.
“It means the world to have that opportunity — an opportunity to be part of history. Saying that I helped Coach Pearl win the majority of his games,” Cardwell said while laughing.
If Pearl’s charisma and animated personality has rubbed off on anyone at Auburn, it’s Cardwell. The 6-foot-11, 255-pound center is known for his showmanship and energy on the court just as much as his impact on the games themselves.
Auburn head coach Bruce Pearl, right, instructs Dylan Cardwell (44) during the first half of an NCAA college basketball game against Kentucky in Lexington, Ky., Saturday, Feb. 25, 2023. (AP Photo/James Crisp)AP
He carries a large personality that Pearl doesn’t try to suppress or change, making Cardwell one of the program’s cornerstones over the past five years, despite not having All-SEC or All-American caliber numbers.
“It means so much to me to have a part of something so special. Coach Pearl means the world to me,” Cardwell said. “I’m grateful he’s an Auburn guy. He transformed Auburn basketball, for sure.”
Pearl did downplay the milestone when asked about tying the record after Auburn’s win over Missouri but admitted that he’ll celebrate it when the time is right.
“I will celebrate whatever we accomplish this year this summer. I’ll celebrate with my friends, my family, the Auburn Family, on the boat at Lake Martin out there on a golf course. Nobody will enjoy it more,” Pearl said. “But you know me, you have to know I’m on to Texas and on to the next one.”
There’s little doubt that the milestone means something to Pearl. He’s the type of coach to study history and keep up with records, being the first to tell reporters before Auburn’s non-conference finale that a win would give his team the best non-conference record in the SEC over the previous nine years.
Despite that, it’s clear his bigger goal is reaching the one mark he achieved at USI that he hasn’t yet captured at Auburn: Winning a national championship.
This season might be his best chance to do it. But until then, he can fall back on being the most prolific winner in Auburn men’s basketball history.
