DEAR MISS MANNERS: I kept my birth name when I got married 10 years ago. However, my parents insist on calling me “Mrs. Husband’s Last Name.”
They’ve used a variety of excuses — they were being polite to my husband (who, luckily, doesn’t appreciate their gesture), or they were keeping things simple for the mail carrier. They’ve even insisted that I am still “thinking” about changing my name and that they will use this in the interim.
This has gotten tricky when it has legal/financial consequences. They generously booked a trip for the extended family through their travel agent, but the name they booked doesn’t match any of my travel documents. I got mad at them, and they said I need to “just say thank you” and called me ungrateful. What is the correct response that doesn’t leave me waving to them from the other side of the TSA line?
GENTLE READER: “If you could please use my legal name on any official documents, that would save us all a lot of confusion and paperwork.” And then Miss Manners suggests you let them have their way for the less formal correspondence. At least for the time being.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at missmanners.com, by email to [email protected], or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I tell my friend to go away and leave me alone? I need my alone time to recharge, but she will keep talking and bothering me, especially during lunch at the studio where I work.
She loves to eat spicy chips and they smell gross, and I don’t think she has ever chewed with her mouth closed. Other than that, she is a good friend.
How do I tell her to just GO AWAY when I want to eat my food in peace?
GENTLE READER: Tell her that meeting at the studio is not a viable option for you. It is your workplace and not a place you like to eat socially.
Then, just one time to show goodwill, offer to go out to lunch instead. Miss Manners cannot guarantee that your friend will keep her mouth closed while she eats there, either, but if you choose the restaurant wisely, perhaps you can avoid one that serves gross-smelling snacks.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at missmanners.com, by email to [email protected], or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
Dear Eric: I have an acquaintance whom I avoid every chance I get.
Not only does this woman latch onto me every time she sees me, but the worst part, besides not being able to get away from her, is the deplorable way she speaks of her daughter.
She controls her every move and puts her down every chance she gets. Her daughter, in my opinion, was a very sweet, loving child, but as an adult she is now a heroin addict with no direction.
This woman gripes incessantly on how she sees others with their children and how proud they are, but she has nothing to be proud of. And she still wants to control her daughter who is now 30, and all the while talks terribly about her.
Should I continue listening to her nonsense, or should I give her a mouthful of the home truths about her daughter that she deserves?
– Exasperated
Dear Exasperated: Should you continue wasting your time? In this one precious life? No.
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
Dear Eric: My husband and I have two daughters, both in their 40s. The younger one has a career, is married and pays her own bills. The other has never been functional and ebbs and flows in and out of stability.
She has a volatile and intense personality. She has a husband who is disabled, and they live on the husband’s disability income.
No one in the house has any hobbies or even leaves the house except to go to many, many doctors, none of which “work for her.”
We do our best to support them as we can, which usually means having them over for dinner, helping to keep their cars running, generous gifts on their birthdays and holidays, but several times a year this daughter will come at us aggressively about some perceived slight.
We’ve come to believe that there is not enough time, money or love in the world to make any significant difference in their lives or our relationship. We are currently on a communication break because she showed up unannounced at our house screaming at the most recent imagined slight.
We’re not sure if or how to renew the relationship without just setting ourselves up for the next attack. How do we maintain a relationship with her without feeling like we are just beating our heads against the wall?
– Exhausted Parents
Dear Parents: As parents who’ve witnessed her lifelong struggles – be they the result of emotional or mental imbalances, personality issues, or some combination thereof – you naturally want, and feel a responsibility, to relieve her suffering. It’s frustrating and painful for you and for her that you can’t.
But this is not a failure on your part.
Continuing to hold a very clear, strict boundary about communication will help everyone involved. That may look like telling her “If you are upset, write it down in a letter – not a text. We will read it when we’re emotionally ready to and then we can jointly figure out how to address it, if at all.”
It will probably be hard for her to understand that the narrative in her head isn’t one that you are responsible for nor one that you have to be a part of. But processing those feelings is her work to do.
An equal part of this healthy boundary is recognizing the places where you and your husband are trying to fix things that are beyond your control and releasing them. You would likely do anything to solve her problems, but being available to be browbeaten whenever she wants is not a solution. If you can work on letting go of the expectation you have of yourselves, you’ll also find it easier to maintain a boundary that can actually lead to change.
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
An updated report from the National Weather Service was issued on Friday at 2:23 a.m. for strong thunderstorms until 3 a.m. for Pickens and Sumter counties.
Residents can anticipate wind gusts of up to 40 mph.
“At 2:23 a.m., Doppler radar tracked strong thunderstorms along a line extending from near Prairie Point to near Paulette to near De Kalb. Movement was northeast at 50 mph,” according to the weather service. “Gusty winds could knock down tree limbs and blow around unsecured objects.”
Locations impacted by the alert include Aliceville, Carrollton, Pickensville, Memphis, McMullen, Garden, Panola, Bevill Lock And Dam, Geiger, Gainesville Lake Campground, Warsaw, Dillburg, George Downer Airport, Owens and Cochrane.
The weather service states, “If outdoors, consider seeking shelter inside a building. Torrential rainfall is also occurring with these storms and may lead to localized flooding. Do not drive your vehicle through flooded roadways.”
Preparing for impending lightning strikes: Expert safety recommendations
Each year, lightning strikes the United States approximately 25 million times, with the majority of these electrifying events occurring during the summer months. Unfortunately, lightning is responsible for claiming the lives of approximately 20 people annually, as reported by the weather service. The threat of lightning becomes more pronounced as thunderstorms draw nearer, peaking when the storm is directly overhead and gradually waning as it moves away.
To ensure your safety during a thunderstorm, keep these recommendations in mind:
Lightning safety plan:
When venturing outdoors, it’s vital to establish a clear plan for seeking shelter in case of lightning.
Monitor the sky for threatening signs and listen for the sound of thunder. If thunder is audible, it’s an indication that lightning is nearby.
Seek shelter promptly in a safe location, preferably indoors.
Indoors safety measures:
Once you’re indoors, avoid using corded phones, electrical devices, plumbing fixtures, and stay away from windows and doors.
These precautions help reduce the risk of electrical surges, as lightning can follow conductive pathways.
Wait for the all-clear:
After the last lightning strike or thunderclap, wait at least 30 minutes before resuming outdoor activities.
Lightning can strike even when a storm has seemingly passed, so exercise caution.
When indoor shelter isn’t available:
If you find yourself outdoors with no access to indoor shelter during a thunderstorm, take these steps to maximize your safety:
Avoid open fields, hilltops, or ridge crests, as they expose you to greater lightning risk.
Steer clear of tall, isolated trees and other prominent objects. In wooded areas, stay close to lower stands of trees.
If you’re with a group, ensure individuals are spread out to prevent lightning current from transferring between people.
Camping in an open setting during a thunderstorm is strongly discouraged. If no alternative exists, set up camp in a valley, ravine, or other low-lying areas. Remember that a tent offers no protection against lightning.
Do not approach water bodies, wet objects, or metal items. Although water and metal do not attract lightning, they conduct electricity effectively and can pose significant risks.
In summary, when facing the threat of lightning, preparedness and vigilance are your best allies. By following these guidelines, you can significantly reduce the likelihood of lightning-related incidents and prioritize your safety.
Navigating rainy roads: Safety tips for wet weather
When heavy rain strikes, safety is paramount. Equip yourself with these guidelines from the weather service to navigate wet roads and avoid hazards:
Beware of swollen waterways:
In heavy rain, refrain from parking or walking near culverts or drainage ditches, where swift-moving water can pose a grave danger.
Maintain safe driving distances:
Adhere to the two-second rule for maintaining a safe following distance behind the vehicle in front of you. In heavy rain, allow an additional two seconds of distance to compensate for reduced traction and braking effectiveness.
Slow down and drive with care:
If it is raining and the roads are wet, slow down. Take your foot off the accelerator and let your speed drop gradually. Never use the brakes suddenly because this may cause the car to skid.
Choose your lane wisely:
Stay toward the middle lanes – water tends to pool in the outside lanes.
Prioritize visibility
Enhance your visibility in heavy rain by activating your headlights. Be particularly vigilant for vehicles in blind spots, as rain-smeared windows can obscure them.
Watch out for slippery roads:
The initial half-hour of rain is when roads are slickest due to a mixture of rain, grime, and oil. Exercise heightened caution during this period.
Keep a safe distance from large vehicles:
Don’t follow large trucks or buses too closely. The spray created by their large tires reduces your vision. Take care when passing them as well; if you must pass, do so quickly and safely.
Mind your windshield wipers:
Overloaded wiper blades can hinder visibility. If rain severely impairs your vision, pull over and wait for conditions to improve. Seek refuge at rest areas or sheltered spots.
When stopping by the roadside is your only option, position your vehicle as far off the road as possible, ideally beyond guardrails. Keep your headlights on and activate emergency flashers to alert other drivers of your position.
By following these safety measures, you can significantly reduce risks and ensure your well-being when heavy rain pours down. Stay informed about weather conditions and heed advice from local authorities to make your journey safe and sound.
Advance Local Weather Alerts is a service provided by United Robots, which uses machine learning to compile the latest data from the National Weather Service.
The way we present ourselves tells people how we want them to see us and gives suggestions as to what to do with us. This is just the way of the material world. Maybe we don’t like to give labels, but we must because processing is impossible without them. To keep things from falling into chaos, the world demands a taxonomy. Today’s decisions meet the demand.
ARIES (March 21-April 19). As security guards know, a good part of the job is just staying awake. To passively wait around for something to go wrong is to risk being drowsy when it’s time to activate. Do the rounds. Check things out that don’t appear to need it.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20). You wonder if there’s a better use of your energy and talent to be mined. When a challenge is a good fit for you, you feel it. You just know. Your native capacities will rise to meet the moment.
GEMINI (May 21-June 21). The perks of being honest about what you want and really going for it are many. There’s a wonderful stability and freedom that comes with following your true path. And today you’ll find support in unexpected places.
CANCER (June 22-July 22). You are so conscious of needing to earn your way, you sometimes hold back from going for what you really want. Pretend you don’t need a reason. Pretend that you being you, and wanting what you want, is enough. What then?
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). There’s a difference between helping because you want to and feeling like you must because no one else will step up. Service feels like a burden when it’s expected instead of appreciated.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). The potential for failure is part of what makes the journey worthwhile, and by allowing yourself to fail or succeed on your terms, you redefine what’s possible and create space for your full expression.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). Anyone who tries to make you believe you don’t have options probably isn’t presenting your best one. The first step in claiming your power is recognizing in what ways you are free and able. The next step is in noting your points of leverage.
SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). Hindsight is always 20/20. You made a choice with the information you had at the time. Don’t let the weight of judgment land solely on your shoulders. You did your best in the moment, and that’s what matters most.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). Prioritize your needs without guilt or apology. Step into your power as someone who chooses rather than merely reacts. Keep building a life that honors your worth; you’re setting the tone others will soon sing to.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). People have a different reaction to you than you’re accustomed to. This is proof that you’re stepping into a new role. Over time, people will adjust to new dynamics — or they won’t. Either way, you’ll be freer.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). You’ll boldly break the ice, be quick to respond or be first in line — moves that lead to a position of favor, not despite their intrinsic risk, but because of it. To initiate takes courage. Famously, fortune favors the bold.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). You know what it means to be loyal to others, but loyalty to yourself is something you embody unthinkingly to tremendous effect. Loyalty helps you keep nurturing your talents, advocating for yourself and following through with projects to the end.
TODAY’S BIRTHDAY (JAN. 31). You’ll succeed spectacularly in your aims to use your talent to make a difference. Witnessing your work, people will be moved to joy, tears, action and financial contribution. More highlights: A fortuitous reversal, travel reunites hearts and begins beautiful new relationships, too. You’ll make bright and novel contributions to a group project. Virgo and Sagittarius adore you. Your lucky numbers are: 3, 31, 39, 46 and 12.
Holiday Mathis’ debut novel, “How To Fail Epically in Hollywood,” is out now! This fast-paced romp about achieving Hollywood stardom is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit creatorspublishing.com for more information. Write Holiday Mathis at HolidayMathis.com.
Andrew Murchison scored 11 of his 13 points in the fourth quarter, and McGill-Toolen ended the regular season with a 51-34 win over visiting Faith Academy on Thursday night.
Prior to the game, the school celebrated coach Phillip Murphy’s 400th win, which came against St. Paul’s earlier this season.
Suddenly, South Alabama’s 4-0 start to Sun Belt Conference play seems like a long time ago.
The Jaguars dropped their third straight game and fourth in six outings on Thursday night, falling 62-58 Louisiana-Monroe at the Mitchell Center. It was South Alabama’s second loss in four days to the Warhawks, who came into Thursday in last place but swept the season series for the first time since 2018.
“Success is very fragile,” South Alabama coach Richie Riley said. “We were playing at a high level for a month, month and a half, and we’ve (not been able) to sustain it. It’s a long season, and we’ve got to find it again.
“We’re hurting ourselves right now losing these games. We’re hurting our (Sun Belt tournament) seed, we’re hurting our position in the league. We’re just giving away a lot of games.”
South Alabama trailed nearly throughout on Thursday, falling behind by 13 points in both halves before a furious rally in the final 10 minutes. The Jaguars (14-8, 6-4 Sun Belt) actually took the lead at 52-51 with 5:27 remaining and were tied twice in the final 2:36 behind several big shots by Judah Brown, but could not finish off the comeback.
Tyreese Calhoun scored a game-high 22 points — including six 3-pointers — and accounted for seven straight ULM points at one stretch. His step-back jumper with 1:22 remaining gave the Warhawks (6-17, 2-8) the lead for good at 60-58.
South Alabama had several opportunities to tie or take the lead late, but missed two shots and committed two turnovers in the final 1:07. ULM’s Jalen Bolden stole the inbounds pass with 5 seconds left, then teammate Coltie Young — who scored 17 points — buried two free throws to ice the game.
Brown led the Jaguars with 21 points, while JJ Wheat added 12 and John Broom grabbed 10 rebounds. However, Barry Dunning and Myles Corey — South Alabama’s top two scorers this season — provided just 9 points on Thursday after averaging a combined 27.6 entering the night.
After averaging more than 75 points per game through its first 18 games of the season, South Alabama failed to reach 70 for the fourth straight contest. Since halftime of a 64-63 win over Troy on Jan. 18, the Jaguars have been outscored by an average of more than six points per half.
“We’re just not shooting the ball very well,” Riley said. “We have to do what we do and that’s move the ball side to side. … We’ve got 5 guys out there that can dribble, pass and shoot, and it’s been really good for us until recently. We’re trying. We’re playing different lineups, we’re making a lot of adjustments. It’s not for lack of effort.”
South Alabama is at Louisiana at 7 p.m. Saturday, the first of three straight road games that will also take the Jaguars to Coastal Carolina on Feb. 5 and to Akron for a Sun Belt-MAC Challenge game on Feb. 8. USA’s next home game is Feb. 14 vs. Marshall.
An Alabama man who committed COVID-19 loan fraud to the tune of $379,000 while he was a federal prison inmate was sentenced Thursday to nearly 16 years in a federal lockup.
Adrian Lacey, 46, of Semmes, was sentenced to 186 months in federal prison after being convicted in federal court in Mobile in May of conspiracy to commit wire fraud, wire fraud, aggravated identity theft and money laundering.
Lacey’s conviction came the same month he was due to be released from the federal prison system.
U.S. Bureau of Prison records indicate Lacey is no longer in federal custody, but the sentence handed down by U.S. District Court Judge Kristi DuBose means he will once again be behind bars.
While incarcerated in federal prison on prior fraud charges, Lacey orchestrated a scheme using stolen identities to apply for economic injury disaster loans, which were available as relief for business owners impacted by COVID-19 through the U.S. Small Business Administration.
DuBose also sentenced Lacey to five years of supervised release once he completes his prison term.
He was also ordered to forfeit more than $379,000 Lacey and his co-conspirators received through the scheme.
The SBA Office of Inspector General and Homeland Security Investigations investigated the case. Assistant U.S. Attorneys Kasee Heisterhagen and Gaillard Ladd prosecuted the case on behalf of the United States.
The NFC took a 14-7 lead on the AFC on the first night of competition at the NFL’s Pro Bowl Games, and players from Alabama high schools and college had a lot to do with that.
Green Bay Packers running back Josh Jacobs (Alabama) opened the event for the NFC by going five-for-five on trivia questions about the Pro Bowlers. That gave his partner quarterback Jared Goff of the Detroit Lions 50 extra seconds in the Pass the Test event.
In that event, the six quarterbacks tried to hit targets carrying point values from one through five with the football. Goff used his extra throwing time to score 44 points to win the event, worth three points to the NFC.
In Helmet Harmony, Green Bay Packers safety Xavier McKinney (Alabama) and defensive lineman Rashan Gary matched all three of their answers to help the NFC take the lead. The AFC needed Baltimore Ravens cornerback Marlon Humphrey (Hoover, Alabama) and safety Kyle Hamilton to match all their answers, but they differed when asked: “Which teammate would you want by your side during a zombie apocalypse?”
In Relay Race, a four-by-40 event with a football instead of a baton, Detroit Lions running back Jahmyr Gibbs (Alabama) handled the anchor leg in one of the NFC’s victories. Pittsburgh Steelers safety Minkah Fitzpatrick (Alabama) ran for the AFC’s winning relay team. In the AFC’s two losses in the three relays, Denver Broncos cornerback Patrick Surtain II (Alabama) and Cleveland Browns wide receiver Jerry Jeudy (Alabama) were part of botched handoffs.
In addition to the one point from Relay Race, the AFC got three points from New York Jets defensive tackle Quinnen Williams (Wenonah, Alabama) when he won the Big Spike, an event that measured the force of a spiked football slammed down by six linemen.
The conferencea split the six points available in two dodgeball games, and the NFC won Satisfying Catches for three points.
The Pro Bowl Games continue at 2 p.m. CST Sunday at Camping World Stadium in Orlando. ABC and ESPN will televise Sunday’s events.
Four events remain before the flag-football game. The score at the end of the 10 skills games will be the starting score for the flag-football game.
Fitzpatrick, Gibbs, Humphrey, Jacobs, Jeudy, McKinney, Surtain, Lions strong safety Brian Branch (Alabama) and Houston Texans wide receiver Nico Collins (Clay-Chalkville) are scheduled to play in the flag football game.
Humphrey also is scheduled for Punt Perfect on Sunday. In Punt Perfect, one punter and one non-punter from each conference punt from the 35-yard line, attempting to place as many punts as possible in one minute (or 12 punts) into a set of six buckets in the end zone. Each bucket is worth one point, with every fourth punt worth three points.
Williams is set for Tug of War on Sunday. A five-on-five competition positioned above a foam pit, players are challenged to pull on the rope to move the opposing team in their direction.
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Mark Inabinett is a sports reporter for Alabama Media Group. Follow him on X at @AMarkG1.