Dear Eric: This is regarding “Also an Animal Lover”, whose neighbor was feeding wild animals in her backyard. I lived next door to a woman who would feed deer and one day my wife counted 32 deer in our backyard ravaging our flowers and bushes. I called the state Department of Environmental Conservation (DEC), and their investigation uncovered that she was also harboring raccoons in her garage and slept with a bear cub in her bedroom! Thankfully the DEC gave her a citation, the animals were removed and her deer feeding was curbed. Your correspondent needs to do more than just website suggestions; she needs to contact her state environmental authorities to get them to curb her neighbor’s behavior.
– Responsible Animal Lover
Dear Animal Lover: This is extreme and extremely dangerous. In many states, it’s also illegal to feed wild animals, so even if the neighbor is not harboring them in her home, she still puts herself at risk of a citation or fine, in addition to the clear danger presented by some of the animals themselves. If she won’t listen to reason, the authorities need to intervene.
Dear Eric: Here’s an idea for the letter writer, “No Lifeguard on Duty,” regarding friends inviting themselves over to use their pool. When growing up in Monrovia, California, our next-door neighbor had a pool, which we could see over our fence. We longed to be in it. Our neighbor had a system whereby she would put out a white flag on a pole, indicating that all in the neighborhood were welcome to come use the pool. Children had to have a parent with them. All of our neighbors were friends, so there was lots of socializing going on those afternoons. It was unspoken that you brought your own towel, water or drinks and used the bathroom prior to coming to the pool. We kids LOVED “White Flag Day,” and it solved the problem of people asking if they could come to use the pool.
– Thankful for a Generous Neighbor
Dear Thankful: I love this suggestion! It was a very popular one! It seems that the readership of this column is chock full of people who have Pool Flag Neighbors. Having never lived in an area with pools, this is very interesting. I’ll be sure to look out for those flags, too, this Fourth of July.
Other readers pointed out the liability pool owners assume and cautioned that the owners should think twice (at least) before letting friends use it when the owners weren’t home. The risk involved could serve as a good way of politely declining requests.
Dear Eric: Regarding your response to “What to Say”, who didn’t know how to address a friend’s Ozempic weight loss: A couple of years ago, I lost about 60 pounds by sticking to a very strict diet (something I will never do again, it was that unpleasant and detrimental to my quality of life). I was astounded when nobody appeared to notice. Well, at least they didn’t say that they noticed. So, after all that I suffered for that result, I was actually kind of hurt. A “You look great” comment would have been much more than enough, and much better than nothing at all.
Now, after gaining all that weight back due to not being able to continually and severely restrict my diet, I am using semaglutide. If and when it is as successful, I hope that somebody notices and mentions it in one way or the other. I don’t know too many people who would be offended by a “You look great” comment.
– Looking Great
Dear Great: The issue isn’t so much offense, per se, so much as making a statement that isn’t received as a compliment. While some might receive such a comment in the spirit given, others might not want friends or strangers commenting on their bodies, or they might have complicated feelings about their journeys, or they might have lost weight unwillingly, as through illness. I gave the advice I did not to have everyone walking around on eggshells, but to remind folks that we don’t always know what’s going on in people’s lives or minds.
This is also true in your case – you wanted a compliment, and you didn’t receive one and those around you didn’t sense that. Sometimes, I find that a desire to be complimented is wrapped up in a desire to be more authentic with those around us. Do you, perhaps, have an opportunity to share your pride at your accomplishment with a friend or loved one? Or even share the good parts and the frustrating aspects of the journey you’re on? It’s not bragging to say, “I’m doing this thing for me and I’m really happy with it.” And doing so extends an invitation for others to celebrate with you in the way that you want to be celebrated.
Dear Eric: I am writing after reading the letter about how to handle beautiful greeting cards you don’t want to just throw away (“Greeting Cards”). I’d love to suggest an option that, for me, is heartwarming. When I feel the love expressed, I turn the card over and on the back write a little note. Example: “Dear ___, you sent me this card on my 80th birthday and it touched my heart. Thank you. (personal note follows). Love Forever.” Then I place the card in a folder to be distributed to the sender when I pass away. I have an individual folder for each family member. It’s my hope that they’ll feel the love returned even after I am gone.
– Feeling the Love
Dear Love: Oh wow! The foresight and creativity of this solution took my breath away. I simply adore this! You’ve created a sort of ouroboros of love, looping back on itself forever.
Others suggested that children’s hospitals, senior centers and schools may have donation programs set up for repurposing old cards. And – important! – I used the term “throw out” in my original answer. Let me clarify: if you’re throwing the cards out, throw them in the recycling bin.
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