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Miss Manners: Is it rude to stop sending presents to family?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Over the years, our family has grown considerably. Our nieces and nephews have children of their own now, many of our friends now have grandchildren, etc. I used to send presents to everyone, but now that I’m retired, I’ve decided to stop. I’m wondering if this is rude.

I had some recipients who never said “thank you,” but others who were truly touched by my thoughtfulness. The problem is that they all talk to each other. I didn’t want to play favorites or hurt anyone’s feelings, so I stopped completely.

Most of these kids are overly spoiled and barely know us, anyway, since we live out of state. But I think I have hurt one relative, whom I love to pieces, by not sending gifts anymore. I told her why, and she says she understands, but I feel so guilty.

I do text everyone “happy birthday” and send cards, just not presents. What is your opinion on gift-giving etiquette for seniors?

GENTLE READER: Astonishment that it took you this long to realize that sending presents to people who never react to them is a thankless task (as it were).

“Playing favorites” carries the implication of an arbitrary choice conferring an undeserved advantage. That would be hardly the case if you chose to give presents to relatives who appreciated them, but not to those who ignored them.

Of course you can retire yourself from the whole effort. Miss Manners would consider the need to save money and/or energy good reasons for doing so. But like you, she regrets the cutoff for the one recipient who appreciated your efforts.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at missmanners.com, by email to [email protected], or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.

General

As Embassy Suites nears completion, Gulf Shores prioritizes walkable streetscape for tourists

The home of Alabama’s hottest vacation destination will unveil its shiniest new attraction in 2025, directly across from its popular public beach.

But ahead of the opening of a $140 million Embassy Suites resort hotel in the summer 2025, Gulf Shores needs to do one a few more things, including sprucing up West First Avenue, which runs for about two blocks north of the project site.

General

Huntsville area began $2 billion in new construction in 2024. Here are the top 6 builders

Almost $2.2 billion in construction started in the Huntsville area in 2024, according to permits pulled by Southern Exposure Information.

Homebuilders made up three of the top six construction firms in Madison, Limestone and Morgan counties. A total of 6,374 permits were issued during the year:

General

The New Year’s Eve celebration in Alabama that changed Mardi Gras forever

While folks in New Orleans claim they started the tradition of Mardi Gras in the U.S., historians say French colonists began celebrating the festival not long after first spotting Mobile Bay in 1699. Two years later, a hearty group of French soldiers and Canadian hunters built a fort on the bluff and formed a colony in 1701, 27 miles away from the site of the current city, according to Jay Higginbotham in his seminal 1977 book “Old Mobile.” The book mentions brief Mardi Gras celebrations in February 1701 and 1702.

First Mardi Gras at Old Mobile

The first official celebration, a feast, was held on the traditional date in February in 1703.

“The merrymaking, of course, was nowhere near as elaborate as that which they had enjoyed in France. Dancing would not become part of the celebration until 1705,” Higginbotham wrote.

But at one point in its long history, Mobile’s Mardi Gras was held on New Year’s Eve – and that’s when parades and mystic societies began.

The site of Old Mobile was then part of French Louisiana and, later, the Louisiana Territory. Mobile was moved to its current site in 1711. It would come under British rule and then Spanish. In 1817, the Alabama Territory was formed and 1819 when Alabama became a state.

The original site of Mobile, Ala., was 27 miles from its current location. This marker at the site is located on private property and permission is required to visit.Kelly Kazek

The site of the colony is now located on private property owned by a manufacturing company but there is a historic marker noting that first colony. Dr. Greg Waselkov at the University of South Alabama has led several archaeological digs at the area. Relics can be found on display at the university’s museum.

New Year’s Eve, 1830

Mobile’s place in the history of Mardi Gras, also called Carnival, would be solidified when a cotton broker named Michael Krafft unwittingly created the first mystic society and led the first Mardi Gras parade in this country. Such societies, now known as krewes, became popular in celebrations in Mobile and New Orleans. Mardi Gras begins on Jan. 6 and ends on Fat Tuesday, which stemmed from a French Catholic tradition and is based on the Easter season.

But Carnival was also a popular way to celebrate the coming of a new year. It was on New Year’s Eve 1830 when Michael Krafft started the tradition of parading. Krafft, born in Bristol, Penn., in 1807, moved to Mobile to sell cotton.

On Dec. 31, Krafft and friends Thomas Niles, Robert Roberts, Henry Dagget, Daniel Geary, Nathanial Ledyar, Richard Currie and Amual Kipp celebrated at Antoine La Tourrette’s restaurant, located in Southern Hotel in Mobile. As morning broke on the first day of 1831, the rowdy group staggered over the cobble-stoned streets of the port city of about 3,000 people. According to legend, writes Ann Pond in her book “Cowbellion,” the men passed a hardware store and spotted articles suspended outside the store to advertise its wares, as was tradition at the time. Versions vary as to whether Krafft deliberately or accidentally dislodged a rake, a hoe and cowbells from the display but they became part of the drunken parade and the men called themselves the Cowbellion de Rakin Society.

Michael Krafft's grave — People often tie Mardi Gras beads around the grave of Michael Krafft in Mobile’s Magnolia Cemetery. Krafft is credited with starting mystic societies and parades for the festival.Joey Brackner | Alabama Department of Archives and History

Pond wrote: “’Mysticism’ was new to the traditional street festivity and revelry was new to the practices of the Masons. But their combination was the reason the Cowbellions evolved into something much more significant than any of the other forms of holiday revelry known at the time.”

Krafft later moved to New Orleans and died in 1839. He is buried in Mobile’s historic Magnolia Cemetery. The headstone is often decorated with Mardi Gras beads.

General

What time do grocery stores close on New Year’s Eve? Hours for Kroger, Aldi, Publix, Target, Walmart

New Year’s Eve is a time for parties and celebrations as we say goodbye to 2024 and welcome 2025.

If you’re getting ready for your celebration and realize you need to grab a few things, you should have several choices as most major grocery stores are open Dec. 31, though some chains will have shortened holiday hours. Here’s a look at what stores are open on New Year’s Eve:

Aldi – Open 9 a.m.-7 p.m.

Costco – Open until 6 p.m.

Dollar General – Open regular hours

Kroger – Open, hours may vary

Publix – Close at 9 p.m. on New Year’s Eve

Sam’s Club – Closing at 6 p.m. New Year’s Eve

Sprout’s – Open 7 a.m.-8 p.m.

Target – Open regular hours 8 a.m.-10 p.m.

Trader Joe’s – Open 9 a.m.-5 p.m.

Walmart – Open regular hours, 6 a.m.-11 p.m. in most locations

Whole Foods – Open 8 a.m.-9 p.m.

Drug stores Walgreens and CVS will be open regular hours but pharmacy hours may be on an altered schedule, so check ahead.

General

Dense fog advisory affecting Southeast Alabama until Tuesday morning

A dense fog advisory was issued by the National Weather Service on Tuesday at 5:01 a.m. in effect until 9 a.m. for Coffee, Dale, Henry, Geneva and Houston counties.

The weather service adds, “Visibility one quarter mile or less in dense fog.”

“Low visibility could make driving conditions hazardous,” explains the weather service. “If driving, slow down, use your headlights, and leave plenty of distance ahead of you.”

Fog safety: Tips from the weather service for safe travels

When a dense fog advisory is issued for your area, it means that widespread dense fog has developed and visibility can plummet to a quarter-mile or less. These conditions pose challenges for travel, so exercise extra caution on the road or consider postponing your trip if possible.

If you must venture out in foggy conditions, keep these safety tips from the weather service in mind:

Reduce speed:

Slow down and allocate extra travel time to reach your destination safely.

Visibility matters:

Ensure your vehicle is visible to others by using low-beam headlights, which also activate your taillights. If available, employ your fog lights.

Avoid high-beams:

Refrain from using high-beam lights, as they create glare, making it more difficult for you to see what’s ahead of you on the road.

Maintain safe gaps:

Keep a considerable following distance to account for sudden stops or shifts in traffic patterns.

Stay in your lane:

Use the road’s lane markings as a guide to remaining in the correct lane.

Visibility near zero:

In extremely dense fog where visibility is near zero, the best course of action is to first turn on your hazard lights, then simply pull into a safe location such as a parking lot of a local business, and stop.

Limited parking options:

If no designated parking area is available, pull your vehicle as far off the road as possible. Once stationary, deactivate all lights except the hazard flashers, engage the emergency brake, and release the brake pedal to ensure your tail lights are not illuminated, reducing the risk of other drivers colliding with your stationary vehicle.

By adhering to these recommendations from the weather service, you can navigate foggy conditions more safely, reducing the risk of accidents and ensuring your well-being.

Advance Local Weather Alerts is a service provided by United Robots, which uses machine learning to compile the latest data from the National Weather Service.

General

Miss Manners: What does a white wedding dress even mean anymore?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a close friend who is getting married, for the third time, later this year. In between her marriages, she has had lengthy relationships with other men.

I’m OK with all of that, except for one thing: She is treating this third marriage and its ceremony as if it’s her first. She is planning on wearing a traditional white wedding dress, despite the fact that she has two grown children from the other marriages. She has signed up for a bridal registry and is planning on having a lavish post-wedding celebration.

Am I an old-school traditionalist, or is the meaning of the white wedding dress a thing of the past?

GENTLE READER: Far in the past. Big white dresses have been the uniform for all brides for decades now. Whether previously married, elderly, pregnant or surrounded by their children, they all don the uniform.

And you know what? Miss Manners is not sorry.

After the white dress fashion was started by Queen Victoria, the idea got around that it symbolized virginity. But the vulgarity of reading the dress as truthful or not about the body inside was astounding. People — even wedding guests, who presumably liked the couple — speculated about whether a particular bride was “entitled” to wear white.

It was disgusting. So let’s not start that up again.

Just between us, yes, Miss Manners finds all the overblown, costumed pageantry somewhat comical. But she does not want to spoil the fun of those who enjoy it.

General

Dear Annie: Thank you

Dear Annie: What an amazing soul you are, and your duty to do for others before yourself speaks loudly of your ability to be truly unselfish.

Thank you for the experiences and advice you have shared with the world. It surely is a beautiful light to help guide those who struggle through the dark paths. — Grateful

Dear Grateful: Thank you for the kind words. It is an honor that so many readers share their stories each week.

Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].

General

Dear Annie: After 17 years of therapy, I still can’t connect with my feelings

Dear Annie: I’m a 45-year-old male and have had many traumatic events in my past, including abuses too bad to name. My problem is, as I was growing up, I was so mistreated that I never learned how to feel. I had to suppress everything I was feeling and disconnect from my emotions and body to survive.

Now that I’m grown and have been seeking mental help for almost 17 years, I still can’t connect with anything inside. This has led to relationship failures, lost jobs and more. I live every day on a flat plain of numbness, and yet I believe that I am worthless and undeserving of anything I receive from anyone. That includes kindness, love, help or gifts.

I have been through five therapists and as many psychiatrists. No one has been able to diagnose or help in any way. Each and every one of them has come up empty-handed and told me that I should seek help from “someone better” without giving referrals or suggestions as to whom I should be talking to.

As a result, I have begun to distrust the world of psychological treatment.

All I want is to live a “normal” life and not run everybody out of it. — Numb and Lost

Dear Numb and Lost: Thank you for writing to me. First off, no one has a “normal” life. Everyone has stuff. But what you want is to be out of pain. I am sorry that you had to endure all sorts of abuse. No person or child should ever have to. The question is, how do you heal from that?

Congratulations on trying to find help. It looks like the five therapists you saw were probably not trained in trauma. You might try and find a somatic therapist. Somatic therapy is a type of therapy that helps treat post-traumatic stress by releasing bodily sensations that come up in everyday life. The therapist works from the inside out, starting with your body instead of just talking and reliving the traumas over and over again. I would recommend reading Dr. Peter Levine’s book, “Waking the Tiger.” Another good book for trauma is “The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel van der Kolk. Both could be great resources on your journey toward feeling better. It’s a cinch by the inch and hard by the yard.

Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.

General

Today’s daily horoscopes: Dec. 31, 2024

On the eve of a new year and the start of a fresh lunar cycle, the cosmic magic is a gift for improvisation. Use it to act as though you already have what you want. The best scenario is to take your show to the general public because people will treat you as though you already are the person you want to become, and fate will unfold in kind.

ARIES (March 21-April 19). In relationships, the classroom is always open, and lessons abound. From small interactions to significant milestones, there is endless space for growth. The willingness to learn and improve strengthens bonds and keeps your connections alive with curiosity and care.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20). Emotions come in hot, and you process them well, especially by writing them down. By putting pen to paper, you give yourself the space to reflect, analyze and untangle the various threads of your experience.

GEMINI (May 21-June 21). The loved one who tests your patience the most is the one who needs it most right now. It will take an almost saintly level of self-control and restraint, but you have what it takes to offer the understanding they need.

CANCER (June 22-July 22). Ideas have value even if they are never fully materialized. Of course, many ideas would be impossible to bring to life, and many more are best left in their ethereal form. Even then, the spark of creativity can lead to brilliance that will change the world.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). Your personality will resonate like a melody, attracting those who complement your tune. You’ll meet people who amplify your best qualities and bring harmony to your interactions. The best part is, they’ll consider themselves lucky for encountering you.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). Just a reminder: You are worthy of love whether or not you fulfill another’s expectations. Focused on the beauty of your being, true affection sees beyond roles and services. Reconnect with your intrinsic value, independent of external validation.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). While others meticulously plan their appeal, you find that your natural state holds the most charm. Embracing simplicity brings out your most confident and radiant self. This ease will draw admiration and inspire others to follow your relaxed lead.

SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). The Italian proverb reminds us that when the game is over, the king and the pawn share the same fate. Today you’ll embrace humility, seeing how power and status pale next to shared humanity.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). Setting things straight works wonderfully in a linear situation, such as a library shelf. As for the biological and emotional world, a holistic, spherical or radiant approach will serve you well. Feelings are like balls — hard to stack, easy to roll with.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). Love is versatile. You can seed, need, bleed or feed it. You can want it or flaunt it. You can give it, you can live it. And if you can experiment with the many tones and colors of love without risking its loss, you’ve truly won.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). As the air sign you are, you’ve intimate knowledge of the many sorts of wonders that can arrive on the wind. Zephyrs of good fortune will whisper through your mind, lending ideas for a brilliant next project or relationship.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). A moment of foresight will be a valuable gift. Your perception sharpens as you envision the future of a relationship with vivid clarity. The insights you gain now will guide your next steps, whether toward deepening the connection or adjusting course.

TODAY’S BIRTHDAY (Dec. 31). It’s a year when opportunities will either be flowing or overflowing. You’ll have work that allows you to get paid for doing your favorite things, including thinking deeply into issues and creating truly innovative fixes. Family makes you proud, carrying on legacies of heart and principle. More highlights: Adoring eyes, mutual attractions and sublime attention. Aries and Gemini adore you. Your lucky numbers are: 19, 3, 4, 1 and 28.

CELEBRITY PROFILES: John Denver’s legacy remains vibrant, celebrated through annual events such as the 2024 John Denver Celebration Week in Aspen, which featured concerts and tributes marking 50 years since his iconic album “Back Home Again.” The Capricorn star’s environmental impact continues through initiatives such as the Windstar Foundation and reforestation projects, embodying his passion for sustainability. Anthems like “Rocky Mountain High” still inspire millions, blending artistry with advocacy for nature and humanitarian causes.

Holiday Mathis’ debut novel, “How To Fail Epically in Hollywood,” is out now! This fast-paced romp about achieving Hollywood stardom is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit creatorspublishing.com for more information. Write Holiday Mathis at HolidayMathis.com.