Yesterday was a big election day. Winners are riding high. Losers are licking wounds. Journalists are skipping breakfast and trying to burn off last night’s newsroom pizza.

Y’all probably know most of the big headlines. What we’re going to announce today are the winners of the Down in Alabama Election Awards.

Presenting the awards

The votes are in and our very exclusive panel of judges has made its selections. I have eight envelopes before me with the winners of the 2024 Down in Alabama Election Awards:

The Bobby Ewing Comeback Award:

It goes to Donald Trump, who emerged from a 2020 election loss to Joe Biden, his efforts to turn that into a win that put him on the outs with even many Republicans, criminal indictments and two assassination attempts to reclaim the White House.

As of this newsletter’s deadline, it’s apparently the first majority won by a Republican presidential candidate since George W. Bush’s 2004 victory. Trump also fared better in Alabama (more than 64%) than he did in 2016 and 2020 (around 62% each time).

Nick Saban Rat Poison Award:

This award was previously known as the Don’t Believe Your Own Hype Award.

It goes to national presidential race pollsters, who apparently have underpolled Trump for a third consecutive campaign season.

Pioneer Award:

It goes to Democrat Shomari Figures for his win over Republican Caroleene Dobson that made him the first to represent Alabama’s radically redrawn 2nd Congressional District. Figures’ win, which was expected, is a seat flip for Democrats in the House of Representatives — and gives the Dems two of Alabama’s seven House seats for the first time in more than a decade.

Robert Bentley Mea Culpa Award

It goes to ES&S Election Systems, a company that took responsibility for misprinted ballots that were delivered to some St. Clair County precincts.

The ballots in error had omitted a proposed statewide constitutional amendment and a proposed local constitutional amendment. ES&S printed corrected ballots, and the affected precincts stayed open two hours later so folks there had more time to vote.

Milton Waddams Award:

It goes to Pelham native and Clemson head football coach Dabo Swinney for being told by South Carolina precinct workers that they did not have a ballot for him and for quipping, “They done voted me out of the state.”

According to Swinney, he was apparently marked as having already voted because his son, who shares the name William Swinney with Dabo, had voted the week before.

Cooter Brown Award:

The winner is Marshall County, which voted to go completely wet. It’s been a dry county with five cities that allowed alcohol sales. I guess that made it “moist.” That leaves Alabama with 22 counties that are still some degree of dry. No counties are completely dry.

Willie Nelson Award:

Goes to 55.9% of the Florida voters for voting in favor of a proposed amendment that would’ve legalized recreational marijuana. The problem for them is that a state constitutional amendment requires 60% of the vote. That probably is a letdown to any Lower Alabamians who were looking forward to state-line weed runs.

Finnegans Wake Award for Clarity:

It was an easy win for this ballot passage: “Proposing an amendment to the Constitution of Alabama of 2022, to grant certain sixteenth section and indemnity school land that is owned in fee simple by the Franklin County school system, is located in Fayette County and Walker County, and is for the exclusive use of schools in the Franklin County School System to the Franklin County Board of Education; and to provide for the distribution of any proceeds and interest generated by this land to the Franklin County Board of Education. (Proposed by Act 2024-301)”

We addressed this statewide amendment of hyperlocal interest the other day. Not everybody read, though, and were confused at the polls. For the record, the electorate voted “yes,” and the Franklin County Board of Education can sell some out-of-county land it owns.

Roy Moore Polling Place Arrival Award

U.S. Rep. Barry Moore, who rolled up in a garbage truck. Moore pointed out that he has a background in the sanitation business, and obviously the Enterprise Republican was responding to President Joe Biden’s calling Trump supporters garbage and Trump’s own garbage-truck photo op.

The people have spoken, and so have we. God bless our union and y’all fight nice.

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