DEAR MISS MANNERS: I often entertain friends in a very informal manner. However, I always have the menu planned, and I very strongly discourage people from bringing food. When people ask, “What can I bring?” I say, “Just yourself,” and I mean it.

For Halloween, I always host a trick-or-treating party with a Thanksgiving menu. Last year, a guest showed up with an unsolicited pumpkin soup. It was a large party and I was not prepared with bowls, so the soup was placed on the stove. Some guests mistook it for gravy and poured it on their food!

This year, I really tried to get guests not to bring anything, but I still ended up with a spinach dip, a cake, cookies and muffins. When I hosted a ladies’ coffee, I ended up with an extra banana bread, which I enjoyed guiltily after the event. Usually the food goes to waste.

If they are going to bring something anyway, is it better to ask for something I could use at a later date (wine, beer, soda, etc.)? Or should I keep trying to impress upon them that they can just relax, show up and I will be happy to have their company?

I need a polite, funny response as the holidays approach.

GENTLE READER: Good luck in getting them to understand that not every party is a cooperative effort, or even that a hostess’s preferences should be respected.

Flowers and chocolates are the traditional hostess presents. Then wine — which had previously been considered insulting, as if decent wine would not be provided — was added.

But assigning your guests other things to bring creates different problems. Miss Manners suggests you replace that clear “Just yourself” with an even clearer, “Please don’t bring food. I won’t have room for it.”

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.