DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m wondering how to address my 10-year-old granddaughter when she says things that are unkind to me.

She has a habit of putting down her younger brother (saying he’s stupid, lazy, fat, etc.), for which I’ve admonished her. We’ve always had an excellent relationship, but I notice she’s now directing these types of comments my way, particularly about my innate physical characteristics. (She comes from a family of great beauties, and I’m not overly attractive.)

I’m reluctant to give her the power of knowing she can wound me, but I’m not quite sure how to handle this passive-aggressive behavior. Suggestions?

GENTLE READER: Yes, two. First, that you recognize that this behavior is aggressive-aggressive, not passive-aggressive. And second, that you dissuade yourself of the idea that the power is hers if she knows she can wound you.

Miss Manners hopes that at 10 years old, this child is not beyond learning empathy — or at the very least, the consequences of damaging relationships. As her grandmother, you have the standing to tell her that this is hurtful and that insulting people is not acceptable.

You may add that others — e.g., her friends — may not give her the second chance that you will.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at missmanners.com, by email to [email protected], or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.