DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is an appropriate and polite response to a compliment that I know is disingenuous? And upon receiving such a compliment, am I required to return one that is equally disingenuous?

I ask because someone I know invariably compliments me on something I’m wearing, my hair, etc. I’m not a stylish person and my hair tends to be a mess. Her compliments have the consequence of making me feel self-conscious, looked-over and, ultimately, lied to.

GENTLE READER: The safe answer is, of course, “Thank you,” which Miss Manners points out can be delivered in a way that subtly undercuts the literal words.

Mind you, she does not recommend such an approach. The point about ambiguously delivered compliments is that they are ambiguous — and can be misread. Better to return genuine thanks to someone who appreciates messy hair than to insult someone who does not.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.