DEAR MISS MANNERS: I treated a friend to lunch, but when we entered the restaurant, she mentioned that someplace else was better. I was a little taken aback and thought it was just an unconscious slip, but then this happened again with a different friend.

What could I have said to indicate that their comments were rude without offending them?

GENTLE READER: It is impolite to tell others that they are being rude, but perhaps Miss Manners can accommodate you by making them feel foolish instead.

Look concerned and ask, in a quiet voice, if they would prefer to go somewhere else instead. As this will likely be occurring while the waiter is walking you to the table, your friend will immediately understand the consequence of answering in the affirmative.

This will only work if having to tell the waiter you are leaving will be more embarrassing for your friend than for you, but she trusts you will know this before attempting the experiment.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at missmanners.com, by email to [email protected], or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.