DEAR MISS MANNERS: Due to the small size of our home, we host two holiday parties each year, essentially splitting one big gathering into two events so that we can see everyone.

We send different invites to separate guest lists. It is always a little uncomfortable when friends talk to each other and wonder why one of them was invited on this day and another on a different day.

Could I send an invitation that lists both parties, and let the guests RSVP as to the one they would like to attend? Of course, that would require guests to respond. Many don’t even send regrets, which is all we currently ask.

I want to let my friends feel open to come to whichever is most convenient for them. Is that tacky?

GENTLE READER: You are asking for a lot of trouble on behalf of people who do not even trouble themselves to answer your invitations.

Even if this new plan prompts them to respond, what if they all want to attend on the same day? Lopsided attendance would defeat your judgment about the best use of your space.

If it were Miss Manners, she would invite only polite people, thus giving only one party. Perhaps a very intimate one. But you presumably want them all, as you have been kindly overlooking the rudeness of ignored invitations year after year.

So here is a kinder suggestion: Scrawl the phrase “‘A’ list,” as if by accident, somewhere on both sets of invitations.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at missmanners.com, by email to [email protected], or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.