DEAR MISS MANNERS: What’s the polite, kind thing to do when one must miss a funeral for reasons such as illness or injury?

My aunt’s mother just passed away, and the funeral is in a few days. However, I’ve come down with a bad cold and, in the interest of not making others sick, I plan not to attend unless I recover far faster than expected.

I want my aunt to know that I care enough to attend, but I don’t want to make this about me. Is a text appropriate? A note after the funeral?

GENTLE READER: Assuming that you have already written a condolence letter, a phone call would be more personal than a text — and more polite than a note afterwards, when everyone will have wondered where you were.

“I am so sorry that I won’t be able to attend, but I’m afraid I have a dreadful cold and I don’t want anyone to catch it,” you might say. It goes without saying, Miss Manners hopes, that you avoid using hyperbole (e.g., “I’m feeling deathly ill”) for obvious reasons.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at missmanners.com, by email to [email protected], or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.