DEAR MISS MANNERS: My father, my three siblings and I are having a surprise 80th birthday party for my mother. One of her cousins responded that they were coming, but also asked what restaurant my mom likes, because she wants to bring a gift card for her.

My parents don’t need anything and I know my mom would prefer not to receive gifts. I politely responded that it was a very nice thought, but no gifts were necessary. She said that I should tell her the name of a restaurant, because she was going to bring a gift card regardless.

Is it rude on my part to ask people not to bring gifts? Or should she back down?

GENTLE READER: No. Yes. But isn’t your real question: How do I get this cousin to stop pestering me?

Miss Manners has an answer for that one, too, which is, “You know, I’m not sure she would actually use it.”

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at missmanners.com, by email to [email protected], or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.