DEAR MISS MANNERS: Every graduation season, my nonagenarian mother receives invitations to at least one graduation. (She has over 20 grandchildren.) Last year, she attended one college graduation, an hour’s drive away, during which she was unable to see the graduates. Another graduation, further away, was missed with the parents’ blessing. Now a niece is finishing her specialty in medicine and dearly wants my mother to attend the ceremony. My niece is stationed 10 hours away by car. My mother declined. Now my sister and my sister-in-law — the graduate’s mother — are pressuring her to go. One of them told my mother that her spiritual adviser said that turning down an invitation was insulting and hurtful and should never be done.

Well, that’s just nuts! I’m pretty annoyed.

Is my mother’s refusal of this invitation a faux pas of exponential proportions, as has been suggested?

GENTLE READER: Imagine a world in which it was wrong to decline any invitation: An acquaintance invites you to come over for a house-painting party. A rejected lover invites you on a trip. A teenager invites you to go skydiving.

“Just nuts,” as you have already concluded.

So instead of brooding, Miss Manners recommends explaining gently to your relatives that while your mother is gratified that they are eager to have her, repeated urging — though meant to be flattering — is only making her feel bad that she is not physically up to going.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at missmanners.com, by email to [email protected], or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.