Editor’s note: The Press-Register holds exclusive global rights to reportage of the Masked Observer, a mysterious denizen of the leisure class who covers the local Mardi Gras scene.

One would think mystical beings aren’t ever burdened with thoughts of aging. After all, the Masked Observer and his retinue look as spry and springy as they did 30 years ago when they manifested out of the Mardi Gras mist on Feb. 10, 1993. Sure Dark Hallway, the Observer’s testy body man, has always been a gruff, but his beard shows not an ounce of gray. If he has one.

As for Floral Headpiece, what can anyone say about the Crewe d’Observe’s social secretary that hasn’t been said, or fantasized about by young men dragging stale dates around the dance floor? She’s the rarest of breeds — a doyenne of incredible insight and class willing to put up with a crescendo of annual antics.

It’s not her timeless beauty that has the Masked One contemplating bygone eras as the 2023 Carnival season wanes, but his cigar sommelier, Arturo.

Not one to usually grace these pages (or pixels), Arturo rolls the Observer’s exquisite panetelas, and as evening fell on Fat Tuesday the quirky Cuban remarked that it was time to switch to a thicker stalk, such as a robusto. Asked why, his only remark was that “thinner, more delicate cigars are a young man’s game and you no longer qualify.”

The gall! How dare he point out an obvious truth and make reasonable inferences from it? We all exist to illuminate the greatest celebration in the land, and reality has no right to interfere. Yet Arturo isn’t wrong, and as these words are inked in the final edition of the Mobile Press-Register, the Masked Observer’s blessed underwriter, a peek in the rearview mirror isn’t the worst idea in the world. Especially considering it’s the most sought-after column of the year, announcing the season’s Mellow MoonPie Awards.

Starting things off, the Mellow MoonPie for Carnival Conception goes out to the Carnival Krewe du Rue. Taking the best elements of the Original Don Q society and alchemically manifesting something fresh, the Krewe showed out big at its first event, which appropriately kicked off the Carnival season. If you want to announce yourselves, especially in soulful circles, the best way is to put on a sprawling second line, which the organization executed masterfully. This is the soiree to pine for during the off season, trust us.

An honorable mention goes out to the Deaf Mystics of the Galaxies, Mobile’s first krewe for the deaf and deaf-blind. The group’s rationale in naming itself was that “just as there are many planets in our universe, there are many types of people in our community.” The Observer couldn’t have said it better.

Although they certainly didn’t originate the trend, the Affable Accessory Mellow MoonPie goes to Neptune’s Daughters for their total embrace of the old school neck-strapped “sports” bottle. Talk about a revolutionary bit of merch, and a practical approach to inebriation, it has three times the volume of an average bar cup, and it leaves your hands free for loading plates or twirling dates. They’ve been regularly spotted at other fêtes, but the merry mermaids weald them like spears, clearing passage and obtaining priority no matter how long the bar line is, and the bartenders are quick to refill.

The Mellow MoonPie for Costume Cavalcade usually ends up in the hands of a pirate or skeleton, but this year’s statuette goes to a group that only cavorts with the former, while developing its own signature style. Stylish is but one eligible adjective to describe the Pelican Girls, who process with the upstart Massacre Island Secret Society on Dauphin Island. Elegant in their 18th Century gowns with accompanying casquettes, a mere laugh or touch from one of the lovely ladies has become akin to catching Elvis’s handkerchief or Bruno Mars’s sunglasses.

Speaking of the Man from Mars, he once again reigned supreme throughout Carnival, with hit after hit sparking jukes and jives on both sides of Mobile Bay. And so he’s earned the Galactic Boogie Mellow MoonPie for keeping our Mardi Gras playlist relevant for at least half a decade, from the Condes to the Comrades. Now, throw your pinky fingers up at the moon and howl in Bruno’s honor!

The Mellow MoonPie for Disregarding Danger, usually reserved for motorcycle cops who do wild, twirly maneuvers in-between the barricades, instead must go to a Daughter of Neptune or, considering the group’s 2023 theme, a Daughter of Oz. This member of the Lollipop Guild in impossibly short shorts attempted at least three times on the parade route to stand atop the rail in front of her float station . . . while underway! While the videos of such might not have reached viral status worldwide, during the Daughters’s Sunday night ball, they were undoubtably the most viewed. Of course, the Observer doesn’t advocate reckless behaviors such as this, but what made him finally bestow the award was the mermaid’s humility and gratitude to her floatmates who kept her from sailing into the night (and into the float’s wheel wells).

The Amazing Aperture Mellow MoonPie goes to the new trend of free photo booths at balls. There’s still a cool factor to analog processes, and what’s more “vintage” than piling into a booth with your buds and getting silly selfies in physical form? Smile, the answer is obviously “nothing.”

The Mellow MoonPie for Mystic Mileage goes to the revelrous crew from Las Vegas who posted up all of Mardi Gras weekend in front of the Riverview Hotel. It was a pair of grandparents who piled their grandson and granddaughter onto a plane to experience their first Carnival. And what drew the Observer’s attention was how skilled the young man — an emerging star at goaltender for his local club team — and his champion dancer sister were at catching throws. May Elexis and Felix bless their grandparents’s souls for bringing them thousands of miles to have their minds blown. Please come back soon.

Speaking of stellar families, the Triple Decker Delight Mellow MoonPie for 2023 goes to the three generations of Marry Mates, who all populated the same Saturday night float and brought the house down on the Expo Hall dance floor well into Sunday morning. As hard as it might be to imagine that families from Tillman’s Corner could be so dedicated to one another, these folks proved it true.

Last but never least, the Mellow MoonPie for Jovial Journalism goes cumulatively to the men and women of the Fourth Estate who have spent their lives in service to truth and craft, as it best served their readers and the greater Mobile area community. The Observer’s only been here 30 years, and while he just flits about poking fun and pulling back loose curtains, Mardi Gras has always been feverishly covered by the great folks at the Press-Register who, despite politics and layoffs and an about-face of their entire industry, continue to tell the stories and chronicle the chaos of the city’s signature season.

They are a community of their own, and have always operated with an admirable degree of respect toward their audience. And they always managed to have fun while they did it! This may be the final print edition of this newspaper, but their spirits continue, as does the gratitude we all feel to their dedication. As for the Masked Observer, he barely feels worthy to share a byline with, or to have his words curated by, these stellar folks. It is his hope to continue covering Carnival for this organization into a fourth decade, if for no other reason than to once again heft the flag of his colleagues and carry it proudly into battle. Or Bienville Square.