Editor’s note: The Press-Register holds exclusive global rights to reportage of the Masked Observer, a mysterious denizen of the Leisure Class who covers the local Mardi Gras scene.

The Mardi Gras season is only as good as its queens and leading ladies. This has been gospel since time immemorial, and it always becomes evident as the season picks up steam. Well folks, this train is screaming down the tracks, and the momentum is due to the Bay Area’s lovely lasses. Carnival’s second big Friday brought some rain and chilly temps, but the social events were red hot and included two excellent tableau moments, thanks to a pair of queens that trumped all the elements.

Order of Inca

Call him twisted, but when a trusted source told the Masked Observer that the Incas were honoring the second “dead queen” in the organization’s history, he had to smile. Throughout the wily group’s 66-year history, they have come up with a number of lascivious tableaus, and it seemed early on that this would fit in nicely.

The order’s theatrics are among the Observer’s favorites, and from the get-go all the traditional elements rang in concert: the pounding drums, the ceremonial horns, the exploding confetti cannons, the beloved voice of longtime emcee Ron Reams, who was celebrating his 40th year at the podium. As the Civic Center arena bulged with guests, it was revealed that the night’s theme would be “Inca Tells A Story,” with that narrative being a classic allegory of epic proportions.

As the plot unfolded, the crowd witnessed the cautionary tale of what could happen to an innocent young lady whose dad has poor taste in second wives. The downy ingénue in question was Snow White, who was subsequently poisoned — her lifeless body encased in a glass coffin and transported on the shoulders of seven loyal dwarves. Following the solemn procession which left the her lying in state, Snow White’s handsome prince made a dramatic entrance on a magnificent black stallion.

The hushed crowd murmured in amazement as Charming cantered around the arena with his mount’s long tail trailing through the layers of confetti before they arrived at center stage, where the prince kissed his damsel in distress to properly resurrect her.

“What a stud,” Dark Hallway said in an awed whisper. “It takes one to know one.” Floral Headpiece elbowed the Masked One’s burly bodyguard in the rib cage at his indiscretion before pointing to the stage where Snow White was transformed into lovely Queen Stephanie.

“What an opener!” the social secretary exclaimed reverentially, as the radiant queen greeted her adoring subjects to begin the soiree. The Incas’ tribal leaders, all in towering feathered headdresses, showered the royal couple with doubloons and confetti before yielding the spotlight to the New Orleans band Chee-Weez, who have become one of the Crewe d’Observe’s favorites and showed out in full court jester costumes and makeup. Thousands of guests swarmed the halls and noshed on lavish spreads in the numerous hospitality suites before returning to dance with the merry Weez and the 12 South band, which pranced through its trademark well-choreographed stage moves.

Apollo’s Mystic Ladies

The best nights are those who the retinue is invited to sup from Carnival’s golden goblets on both sides of Mobile Bay. So the group sailed to the Eastern Shore to celebrate the Apollo’s Mystic Ladies’ 23rd anniversary. This was a big year for the Ladies, who premiered their emblem float — “rain be damned” — and made tremendous hay along the streets of Daphne.

Back at the city’s Civic Center, the guests took great advantage of the AML’s hospitality, noshing from the giant communal buffet while the krewe unloaded and made its way inside. Always of note to the Observer is the haberdashery worn by the male guests, which ran the gamut from top hat to cowboy hat. Gazing at a 10-gallon version atop the head of a tall, sculpted lad otherwise in costume de rigueur, Floral Headpiece made reference to her new binging addiction, the TV drama “Yellowstone,” and one of its star characters.

“Every woman needs a little Rip in her jeans,” Headpiece said, ogling the young fellow.

Inside the packed main arena, the Apollos revealed its theme, “Fantasy and Fairy Tales.” Throughout callouts, the lasses danced to friendly tunes such as the “Golden Girls” theme, “Thank You for Being a Friend,” and “Lovely Day” by the great Bill Withers. And then Queen Daphne 23, the luminous Beth, brought the house down with a spectacular rendition of “Man! I Feel Like A Woman!”

At first, the song sounded just as Shania Twain recorded it, before a leggy mermaid nearby was overheard to her friends. “Everyone in her family can sing, and they’re all amazing at it!” she said, and the evidence definitely bore that out as she crescendoed to its big finish, to “yee-haws” all around. Emcee Shelby Mitchell was equally dazzled, and proclaimed to the attendees that it was the first time she’d ever witnessed a queen sing her own procession anthem.

As the splendid evening came to its conclusion, and Dark Hallway mined the Georgia Roussos chafing dishes for “pocket morsels,” a conversation was heard that harkened back to one of the Masked Observer’s first sojourn to Daphne for AML antics. One Lady was laughing to another about the time they were fined for “chucking chicken wings” off the float during the parade.

“Not only did take cash out of my pocket,” she said. “But the danged Masked Observer put it in his headline in the paper!”

Ahh, memories . . .