Texas A&M is such a buzzkill.

Jimbo Fisher talked so much trash about Nick Saban in that news conference over the summer, and Texas A&M is always giving fans in the SEC more junk to chew than the wall of beef jerky at Buc-ee’s, and now the game against Alabama is finally here and Fisher’s team looks about as awkward as a Fightin’ Aggie Yell Leader on a first date.

“What are you doing with your leg, Kipp?”

“Ol’ Rock calls it a knee pop.”

“And what’s with the overalls?”

“They’re like PANTS.”

[Knee pop.]

“For our RANTS.”

[Knee pop.]

“While we PRANCE.”

[Knee pop.]

“But we got no CHANCE.”

[Shoots hand pistol.]

Don’t get me wrong. It’s a lovely tradition, Midnight Yell Practice. Some people call the Yell Leaders a little too cultish, but I like to think of them as Jimbo’s Jedi knights of the SEC. Endearing. Brave. Mistreated. The Starkville Space Pirate is always robbing them of glory, but they did help blow up Darth Saban’s Death Star a time or two.

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Saturday’s game is at 7 p.m. at Bryant-Denny Stadium, and so much has happened since Texas A&M upset Alabama in 2021. It got ugly in the offseason, and no doubt there is bad blood between the coaches, but here’s my question, are Alabama and Texas A&M now rivals? Isn’t that the subtext of this weekend? I know that’s what Texas A&M desperately wants, but it’s going to take more than words.

Over the summer, Fisher called a news conference to call Saban despicable after Saban publicly accused Texas A&M of cheating. As SEC sideshow shenanigans go, it was one of the most memorable days for the league. Just like last season, though, Texas A&M is going into this weekend’s game unranked and Alabama is the No.1 team in the AP Poll.

Alabama is still the Empire, in other words, and, in the end, aren’t Jimbo’s Jedi knights just annoying priests who dress in funny clothes, dance around and believe in magic? One unlikely victory and mysterious forces of energy on the dusty recruiting trail isn’t enough to measure up to the Crimson Tide.

Or even LSU.

Here’s the difference between Texas A&M and Alabama, and it’s by more than a few degrees. Texas A&M fled the Big 12 for the SEC because the Aggies were sick of being taken advantage of by the rival Texas Longhorns. The University of Texas is bailing on the Big 12 for the SEC to be in the same conference as Alabama.

If Texas A&M and Alabama are the newest rivals in the SEC, then that might go down as the single greatest accomplishment of Fightin Aggie Texas A&M football since it joined the league.

After this latest loss in Starkville, Texas A&M is now 2-5 against Mississippi State over the last seven years.

Fisher is 5-5 in his last 10 games against SEC opponents. That shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone, though. Historically, Texas A&M is really good at being loud on Friday night and then average on Saturday.

People are starting to question Fisher’s ability to build a consistent winner at Texas A&M, but in reality he’s a great recruiter and a good football coach. Does he cheat? Saban put that out in the world this summer. Anyone who can make Saban that angry is doing something right.

Saban wore a Master’s polo to his Monday news conference. This being Texas A&M week for Alabama, the coincidence reminded me of Saban’s famous one-liner about Fisher.

That’s not how this whole rivalry between Saban and Fisher started, but a joke about golf is where the row got a little mouthy.

Fisher told some Texas A&M boosters back in the spring of 2021 that the Aggies were going to kick Saban’s butt at Kyle Field. A couple days later, Saban was asked about Fisher’s bravado and Alabama’s coach went straight for the throat. What did Alabama’s coach think of Fisher’s prediction?

Certainly Ol’ Rock the Good Ag didn’t mean football.

“In GOLF?” Saban said.

[Knee pop.]

We all know what happened after that.

Unranked Texas A&M, which began the 2021 season 0-2 in the SEC, upset No.1-ranked Alabama 41-38. Texas A&M then landed the No.1-ranked recruiting class, and Saban accused the Aggies of buying players. Fisher called his infamous news conference the next morning in response to the accusation and proceeded to call Saban a narcissist and, in so many colorful words, suggested Alabama’s coach had plenty of dirt underneath his fingernails.

The dirt washes away. Insults fade. Yelling is fun for the fans, but doesn’t change a thing.

To rival Alabama takes mastering the only tradition that matters in the SEC, winning.

Joseph Goodman is a columnist for the Alabama Media Group, and author of “We Want Bama: A season of hope and the making of Nick Saban’s ‘ultimate team’”. You can find him on Twitter @JoeGoodmanJr.