JD Crowe: Trump Bibles: Thank your orange slumlord and grifter

This is an opinion cartoon.

Don’t look now, but Donald J. Trump is hawking Bibles. $60 will get you a seat at the grifter’s fable, just in time for Easter!

“Happy Holy Week! Let’s Make America Pray Again. As we lead into Good Friday and Easter, I encourage you to get a copy of the God Bless the USA Bible,” Trump wrote in the Truth Social post, alongside a link to a website selling the book for $59.99 (plus tax and various other charges.) It came a day after Trump seemingly compared his legal plight to Jesus Christ’s persecution. – from Newsweek.

Trump offers his own personally endorsed – by the orange devil himself and country music dude Lee Greenwood – MAGA grifter translation of the King James version Bible to the public. If you loved Trump Steaks, Trump Wine and Trump University, you’re gonna thank Trump, your slumlord and savior, for the Trump Bible.

Just in time to help pay off a few of his amoral criminally insane, abusive diversions that he has never been held accountable for … until recently.

Growing up, we had several salesmen and sales ladies knock on our door.

Our mama was mostly a stay-at-home wife and mother, but she was a natural sales lady, a great teacher and school room mom – and a fabulous BS detector. When a salesperson showed up at our door, it was game on.

We had vacuum salesmen who threw dirt on our carpet, cleaned it up and scurried away in shame. But never without a glass of sweet tea and a lesson in courtesy. We had shoe salesmen who talked too much and were shushed away easily when they figured out there were too many feet in our house and not enough money or sweet tea to make a deal.

And then we had Bible salesmen. There was a special place in hell and our mama’s heart for Bible salesmen. She lured them in. Let them tell their heartfelt stories. But if they couldn’t quote scripture, she sent them next door to our neighbor, Mr. Hall.

Mr. Hall was an old fellow who lived in a make-shift Silver Stream on the other end of our pasture. He was the closest thing to a Grampa I ever knew, and he was a never-ending storyteller in search of a listener. A Bible salesman didn’t have a chance in Mr. Hall’s lair.

I’m not sure Donald J. Trump would have survived an interview with our mama. If he did, she would have sweet tea’d him to death, asked him real questions about his religious beliefs and made him wait for our Dad – a Primitive Baptist preacher – to get home from his day job at the factory. And then we would have had a show. I’m not sure how it would have gone down, but I reckon it woulda been a reckoning.

Recent JD Crowe toons

Kay Ivey’s stand in the schoolhouse door – al.com

Alabama libraries are under attack by slimy ‘bookworms’ – al.com

Latest Alabama star in transfer portal hits Nick Saban hard – al.com

Tommy Tuberville knows a satanic cult when he sees one – al.com

Alabama Republi-chickens are scared to death of DEI – al.com

‘This one time at Space Camp:’ Alabama ‘Don’t Say Gay’ bill is a bad joke – al.com

‘Burn the freaking books:’ Alabama libraries under fire from witch hunters – al.com

True Stories and stuff by JD Crowe

The mysterious ‘Bubble Guy’ of Fairhope and the art of bubble Zen – al.com

How I met Dr. Seuss

Robert Plant head-butted me. Thanks, David Coverdale

I was ZZ Top’s drummer for a night and got kidnapped by groupies

Check out more cartoons and stuff by JD Crowe

JD Crowe is the cartoonist for Alabama Media Group and AL.com. He won the RFK Human Rights Award for Editorial Cartoons in 2020. In 2018, he was awarded the Rex Babin Memorial Award for local and state cartoons by the Association of American Editorial Cartoonists. Follow JD on Facebook, Twitter @Crowejam and Instagram @JDCrowepix. Give him a holler @[email protected].