Goodman: Would Jesus be a five-star recruit ... and other stuff

Goodman: Would Jesus be a five-star recruit … and other stuff

This is an opinion column.

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Jim Harbaugh says some funny things.

On Saturday out here in Los Angeles, Michigan’s coach was asked a question about Jesus, aka the Son of God, aka the Prince of Peace, aka the Iron Bowl’s biggest fan. The context of the question centered around Harbaugh’s Christian faith. Why was Jesus such a big part of Harbaugh’s life, or something like that. It was really loud at media day for the Rose Bowl and no one could hear anything inside the big outdoor tent that was constructed in the parking lot of the stadium.

Harbaugh said that Jesus was wise, which is a great answer, but then Harbaugh’s brain went in a different direction. So it goes.

“I have a feeling that if Jesus were to come back now in this era, I suppose that many of the biblical analogies he’d use would be about sports as well as agriculture, maybe a combination of the two,” Harbaugh said. “Solomon would have been a great coach, too. I have that feeling. Jesus would have been a five-star.

“He would have been a five-star player, no doubt about it. He would have been a Hall of Fame coach.”

Hmm, that got me thinking.

Would Jesus even play college football as a young deity, or would it be another sport like bass fishing? It’s impossible to know for sure. We can only speculate at this point. If Jesus had grown up as a sports fan in the U.S., then something tells me that he would be a walk-on combo guard at Samford or Loyola Chicago.

No.4 Alabama (12-1) takes on No.1 Michigan (13-0) on Monday in the Rose Bowl. Big game. Would Jesus want Michigan to win the game or Alabama? This is an actual question that I asked Harbaugh as a follow-up to his theological musings.

“Ooooh!” Harbaugh said, and then he raised his eyebrows in amusement, smiled and walked away.

One thing seems likely. Jesus would have the ability to steal signs, but would instead let his opponents win. In a slightly related subject, I spent a lot of time with Alabama’s team priest during media day, but we mostly talked about writing.

BEST-ANSWER AWARD

The last three days out here in Tinseltown have been all about questions, questions and more questions. Players and coaches met with reporters every day. The award for best answer to a reporter’s question goes to Alabama defensive coordinator Kevin Steele.

Steele is a great coach. They don’t get any better. Steele loves being a coach so much that he told me the name of his boat is “Coach.” He then said that instead of Pop-Pop or Grandpa, Steele’s grandchildren call him Coach. That’s an incredible nugget of insight into what makes Steele tick. He’s all ball, and I love it. I have great respect for Steele. Can’t say it’s mutual, though.

At one point, Steele was a candidate to be Auburn’s head coach after serving as the Tigers defensive coordinator. Auburn instead hired Bryan Harsin. It was the wrong call. Now Steele is back at Alabama, and his influence on Alabama’s defense is obvious. There is an extra level of toughness that comes with players who are coached by the ultimate coach. I asked Steele what it was like to be back in the Iron Bowl. His answer was incredible.

“Seen a few. Even as a kid,” Steele said. “I grew up going to it, so I’ve seen a few of them. I know I’ve been at Nebraska-Oklahoma. Coached there.

“I’ve been at Florida-Florida State. Coached there. Clemson-South Carolina: coached there. LSU and Alabama: I’ve coached that game. So I’ve been in some rivalries. I grew up watching UCLA and USC, Michigan-Ohio State, those. Notre Dame-Southern Cal: I understand that.

“But [the Iron Bowl] for me is uniquely different, uniquely different. It’s just got a spirit about it that won’t ever die, even on 4th and 31.”

For the love of Hollywood, now that’s how to deliver a line.

PREDICTING NEXT COACH

I’ve been extremely impressed this week with Michigan defensive coordinator Jesse Minter. The guy is intense, and his handshake is, too. I don’t have the typical hands of a writer because one of my hobbies is kneading bagel dough by hand. Bagel dough is a low-hydration dough, and it takes about 20 minutes to knead it properly. Minter has a bagel-strength kinda handshake.

Based on things more important than handshake strength, I’m going to go out on a limb and predict that Minter is in line to sooner than later be a head coach of a Power 5 team. His defense at Michigan this season speaks for itself, which is an obvious prerequisite, but in interview settings this week Minter has been a quick thinker who commands a room.

Minter was asked this week about the difference between Alabama’s offense over the last month compared to earlier in the season. He gave a great answer about Alabama quarterback Jalen Milroe.

“I think anytime you’ve got a first-year starter at quarterback, you kind of find as you go what they do really well, no different than if you have a first-year starter at safety and you’re trying to figure out the things that maybe he does best,” Minter said. “As they’ve gone, tailored the offense to his skill set, his ability to throw the ball downfield, his ability to make those plays, his ability to get involved in the run game, I think in key moments this year they get him involved in the run game when they need to, and that’s their ability to create an extra hat in the run game.

“It shows up in big moments and big games. Expect to see it.”

Noted, coach.

Minter, who is 40 years old, has already coached in the NFL, and that’s something that modern-day athletic directors like to see on the résumé. Something else impressed me about Minter, though, during my brief conversation with him at media day. Minter coached at Vanderbilt before going to Michigan. Recruiting to a place like Michigan is easy. Recruiting to Vanderbilt? Now that’s a different bagel all together.

I’ve been talking to coaches for 25 years. Minter has a knack for delivering great one-liners. It’s a gift. Being good on camera is important in this game. I asked Minter how he would sell me on Vanderbilt. His answer was pure, no-nonsense gold.

“They got a seat at the table,” Minter said.

In the rapidly changing world of college football, that’s all that matters. Just ask Sewanee and Tulane.

A BIG THANK YOU

A quick note on my weekly newsletter, which I’ve enjoyed this season and has grown tremendously thanks to faithful readers who love interacting about college football, other sports and every-day stuff like bagel-strength handshakes. Happy New Year subscribers, and I’m looking forward to ringing in 2024 together.

The newsletter comes out every Thursday at 4:20 p.m. “Joe Goodman’s SPORTS! Happy Hour” is the only sports letter that drops at 4:20 and hits like 4:20. It’s a tough gig. What can I say?

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It’s New Year’s Eve. Stay hydrated, America.

Joseph Goodman is the lead sports columnist for the Alabama Media Group, and author of the most controversial sports book ever written, “We Want Bama”. It’s a love story about wild times, togetherness and rum.