Gen Z-ers might be taking their birthdays too far and it’s all playing out on TikTok. Many have been sharing their set of birthday rules on the social platform for months, ranging from a 7 shot minimum to no salads and water for dinner.

Twenty-four year old Tiktok user and “The Corporate Baddie” Deandre Brown says that the birthday person should pay for the whole dinner. While twenty-five year old comedian and Tiktok user Daniela Mora wants you to know that on her day, “you are the step sisters with the weird noses” and she’s Cinderella.

Regardless of where one stands on the topic, these birthday rules according to other creators are opening the door for larger conversations about social classes, friendship and how toxic social media can be.

Blame it on social media

When comparing how birthday parties of the past compare to today, 29-year-old comedian Jasmine Ellis, who posted their own Tiktoks discussing the topic, said that it used to be about just having fun and being in the moment.

“It wasn’t about capturing the moment later to prove to people you had a good time. So many parties are about pictures these days that I kind of wish people would pay for a photographer, the same way they do for a wedding,” Ellis said, sharing that there should be a predetermined time for pictures so the rest of the event can be enjoyed fully. “The quest for content has made everything less fun and birthdays are just a symptom of that.”

Birthday celebrations can turn from an intimate time to celebrate to an all-out brawl, as seen in social media influencer Victor Christian’s Tiktok where the group is arguing over splitting a $4,600 dinner bill.

Other viral Tiktoks been criticized for the lack of consideration for the birthday guests. Tiktok user and Youtuber Janeé,” for example posted her birthday trip rules on April 8.

“It’s my trip. It’s my birthday. We’re going to do everything that I want to do. I do not care about what you want to do. Come back on your own time,” they said. Other rules included not taking pictures for anyone else and not coming if you don’t have the money for a luxury experience.

Comments ripped into her rules, with Tiktok user Isidora Obradovic stating, “so you’re paying then, right? Cause I know your friends are not expected to endure this on their own dime lmao.”

A report from Forbes found that an estimated 4.9 billion people use social media platforms around the world in 2023. These platforms not only create a place for people to share these birthday ideas, but to also share their “perfect life,” according to a 2023 article from Psychology Today.

Numerous Tiktok posts share how to get the best birthday post, like from Tiktok user Nicole Meso. However, constantly recording and posting your life rather than living in the moment can do more harm than good, according to a Medium post from data analyst Vanessa Dailey.

Does classism and entitlement play a role?

Twenty-seven year old wellness and lifestyle content creator Aley Arion, who also posted their own videos sharing their opinion on the topic, stated that the root of these controversial rules could be entitlement.

“I think when you have the right friends and right people around you, it’s understood that you will be taken care of. But I think if people have been let down in the past or people haven’t necessarily shown up for them when it’s ‘their day,’ then they have these big rules and high expectations that make it hard to be let down on the day of,” Arion said.

A YouGov survey conducted on Nov. 2022 found that 47% of those surveyed overall felt neutral about their birthday. But being let down on your birthday can lead to negative feelings surrounding the special day, or even birthday depression. Also known as the “birthday blues,” its symptoms include crying more than usual, a lack of interest in what you usually enjoy, and isolation.

While posting on your birthday and getting the likes and recognition could provide some satisfaction, it is only temporary, according to a study by anthropologist Daniel Miller.

Celebrating your big day has become more about getting recognition on social media rather than your loved ones, as seen with X user and reality TV star JeLaminah.

“It seems like every year one of my family members on my dad’s side gets mad at me for not posting them on social media for their birthday. For the life of me can someone explain why people get mad about this?!? Especially when I pick up the phone and call you for ur bday,” they said in a Nov. 14 post.

Social media is exposing these rules, for better or for worse, according to Arion.

“I do think some of the people who are the big voices when it comes to conversations come from a particular economic class, where splitting the bill or taking care of the whole table is nothing to them because that’s just how they move economically. I think that’s just exposing the different class differences that do affect birthday culture,” Arion said.

The highest paid influencers on Tiktok brought in $55.1 million collectively in 2021, according to a 2022 Forbes article. Seeing how others are having extravagant lifestyles on their birthday and beyond across social media platforms can bring up feelings of envy, according to a 2018 article from JSTOR. The unhealthy comparison of what one sees online to their peers and celebrities they admire can also lead to a lower self-esteem, depression and anxiety, according to a 2020 Nursing Times article.

Social media and its influencers can set unrealistic expectations for their followers to try to replicate, which can make you feel like a failure, including on your birthday, a 2019 article from PennMedicine states.

How to take the drama out of your birthday

It remains to be seen if birthday culture will go back to what it used to be or evolve to be more social media centric. However, Ellis says the first place to start is with who you are surrounded by.

“I think we’ve gotten to a point of over connectivity that makes everyone feel entitled to attend everyone’s everything. It feels like a failure if you throw a birthday party and you don’t have a lot of friends surrounding you…I’m OK with my birthday gatherings being small and intimate. I’m OK if my birthdays are just being celebrated between me and the friends,” Ellis said.

Arion has her own set of rules she follows on her birthday to ensure a drama-free day.

“A rule of mine is on the day that I was born, no one gets to touch that day,” Arion said, naming the COVID pandemic as a reason why her views on her birthday have changed. “If you’re having a party, send out little house rules that you’re expecting your guests to go in with …Remember that it is your day, but if you’re inviting people to be part of your day, just be courteous to that.”