Dear Annie: I grew up with a mother who was an abusive alcoholic and drug addict. She also struggled with anorexia and severe mental illness, which made my childhood incredibly painful and traumatic.

For years, I resented her for the damage she caused and the anger she directed toward me and my siblings.

Later, I learned that as a child, my mother had been sexually abused by her brother. While this knowledge doesn’t excuse her behavior, it did help me understand the deep pain she carried and why she acted the way she did. In time, it allowed me to find some forgiveness and compassion for her.

How can others in similar situations — dealing with abusive or toxic family members — work toward understanding, healing and forgiveness while still protecting themselves from harm? — Seeking Peace

Dear Seeking Peace: By forgiving your mother and understanding her pain, you have given yourself the greatest gift of all — peace through forgiveness. This does not mean you must maintain a close relationship with someone who continues to harm you.

True growth and healing take time, and therapy or counseling can be invaluable in helping you process your emotions, understand your reactions and develop healthy coping strategies.

Thank you for sharing your experience. By printing your letter, I hope it inspires and helps others in similar situations.

Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].