Dear Annie: Trying to get pregnant is straining my relationship

Dear Annie: I’m struggling badly with something that occurred over a week and a half ago. I’m a mom. My son is 15. I’ve been dating a man for two years now, but I’ve known him for over six. He has no kids and has always expressed his interest in becoming a dad.

A year ago, we decided to try for a baby, but I was a bit hesitant considering my son is 15 and I was 35. In my head, that’s kind of old, particularly for me because I’m not very healthy. I have sickle cell disease, so I’d capped my latest age to give birth at 32. He’s a good man to me, and my son’s very fond of him. He told me I wouldn’t have to worry about a thing and that he was preparing for a child for a while now, but it simply didn’t happen. I also knew he would be a great dad, so we agreed to try, and now I’m 36 and expecting.

My issue is that we had an argument the other day and he texted me that he regretted getting me pregnant. I was so hurt. I couldn’t believe he would say such a thing after none of his other relationships produced a child.

Now I’m not speaking to him because I’m very upset, and I told him I will not add his surname to the baby’s birth certificate if he’s so regretful. He’s tried to apologize and reached out to my mom to vent his frustration, but I don’t want to hear from him. I didn’t wait 15 years just to have some guy say such a horrible thing to me.

Do you think I’m going too far? — Baby Blues

Dear Baby Blues: Your feelings are valid and understandable given the hurtful words exchanged.

Words, especially in moments of anger, can leave lasting scars. Communication is crucial here. It’s important to address the hurt and the root cause of the argument to understand whether this was momentary frustration or indicative of deeper problems.

Evaluate the relationship’s overall health and what future you see with him. Is this a one-off or a red flag? Consider if you can overcome this with time, conversation and possibly counseling. The choice on how to move forward should align with what’s best for you and your child.

Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].