Dear Annie: My husband had a friend, “John,” whom he had known since the late 1980s. Hubby was not only a good friend and hang-around buddy to John, but he also helped John in countless ways — with advice, with money and in emergency situations where John needed a hand with something. John was always self-centered and quite full of himself (for no reason), but Hubby overlooked that.

Fast forward 30 years, my husband gets sick, and, true to form, John thinks about nothing but himself, his own woes, his trivial issues. He rarely, if ever, asked how Hubby was doing or feeling and never offered to help with anything. He would be within a couple miles of our house and wouldn’t stop in for a visit.

Go forward again for another few years, and my husband passes away. Almost six months later, John has yet to reach out to me to offer condolences, share a funny story about Hubby, ask if he could help with anything. He did reach out because Hubby had borrowed a couple of tools that he wanted returned. Yet he will ask other friends how I am doing.

I recognize John for being a selfish and self-centered jerk; he always has been that. But do I have to keep him in my life just because he was Hubby’s friend? I truly loathe the man, have for years, because he has not a thought or a care for anyone but himself. My friends are caring, empathetic people, not shallow and self-serving. I have made it perfectly clear I’m fine ridding the toxicity from my life, and as a recent widow, I don’t need to worry about John’s lack of care or sympathy.

A couple of mutual friends have said, “That’s just John.” Considering he brings nothing to my relationship with him except anxiety and depression, is it OK to simply stop communicating with him? — Too Sensitive or Insensitive?

Dear Sensitive: First off, I am very sorry for the loss of your husband. Yes, it is 100% OK to stop communicating with John if you don’t want to. He was your husband’s friend, not your friend, so unless you enjoy his company, there are plenty of other people with whom you could spend your time and energy.

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“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].

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