Dear Annie: Should I give him a second chance?

Dear Annie: My husband of almost 20 years died in a motorcycle accident. Since then, I was unintentionally reacquainted with my first kiss/boyfriend, “Fred.” We met again, literally, the same week my mom died. We both fell hard in love with each other.

After enduring numerous horrific drunken hurtful situations with Fred over a period of five years, who never told me he blacks out when he drinks alcohol, I am finding myself wondering how much of our five-year relationship he remembers. Does he remember it as I do? We live apart in our own houses.

He helps me a lot. He’s my mechanic, landscaper and handyman, and he’s also a friend. He knows that I’ve been dating and seeing other men the entire time we’ve been apart. Knowing that he experienced a traumatic head injury, do I dare try a relationship with him again? He doesn’t drink any longer. He said he has no apparent desire to. Do I give him another opportunity to make a life together? — Second Chances

Dear Second Chance: I’m very sorry that you suffered the loss of your husband.

Fred sounds like he is trying. The fact that he does not drink anymore is huge and would change the dynamics of your relationship. However, without more specifics about this traumatic head injury, it if difficult to know how that could change your relationship.

Are you ready to support him through any subsequent mental, emotional or physical traumas? If you love him, he loves you and you’re both going into this relationship with your eyes open, then go for it. If he starts drinking again or if you’re not on the same page, then it’s time to say goodbye to Fred.

Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].