Dear Annie: She isn’t ready to commit

Dear Annie: I’m 75. When I was 19, I worked with a lady. We were friends, nothing more. She left and got married. I did, too. We both went in different directions. Her hubby was killed in an accident after her three children were born, and she hastily got married again but it didn’t work out. We had a casual thing till she met another man she was with for 13 years. Then he died of cancer. As for me, my marriage lasted 36 years, but my wife and I drifted apart. I remarried again, a marriage that lasted for seven years. Then we both were single, her for 12 years and me for another seven.

I’m a surfer and put up a post on social media, which she saw. She asked if it was me from long ago. We eventually got together and have been seeing each other for the last nine months. I have only been really in love twice. She has turned out to be the second woman I fell in love with. My problem is she loves me but won’t fully commit. She says she can’t go there again but wants me in her life. When she feels she’s getting too close, she backs off. We do the man-woman thing, but after, I have to go home and can never stay over. How do I break this barrier down? — Long Ago Love

Dear Long Ago: Navigating a relationship where one partner is hesitant about full commitment can be challenging. It’s clear you both share a deep connection, but her past experiences are causing her to protect herself from potential heartache. The key here is patience and understanding.

Instead of focusing on breaking down her barriers, concentrate on building a foundation of trust and security between you. Show her through your actions and consistency that you’re there for her, and communicate openly about your feelings and desires for the relationship, without pressuring her for more commitment than she’s ready to give.

Remember, relationships evolve at different paces for everyone. With time and continued support, she may become more open to a deeper commitment.

Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].