Dear Annie: I find it pretty difficult to talk to my mom about anything lately. Every time I try to talk to her about anything, it turns into an argument. She wants to bring up my past and what I’ve been through with my son’s biological father. She always wants to bring up my past trauma and thinks it’s going to affect me differently somehow. All it does is make me angry and yell at her because she wasn’t there to protect me.

How do I let things go and try to have a better relationship with my mom and not have this affect my relationship with my new husband and son? — Heartbroken Daughter

Dear Heartbroken Daughter: It makes sense that you want to look forward instead of backward when it comes to your relationship and your son. Your mom needs to know what you do and don’t want to talk about — and that if she doesn’t respect your wishes on this, then you won’t be conversing at all. You get to choose what topics are safe when it comes to rebuilding your relationship with her.

Your son needs you to choose the present, not dwell on the past, so it’s OK — even necessary — to explain this to your mom.

Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].