Dear Annie: Our granddaughter died after an addiction, was our tough love approach wrong?

Dear Annie: Our granddaughter had been on drugs for several years. She had been in and out of jail and rehabs. She had two children, ages 1 and 2. She basically abandoned them, so we all decided tough love and prayer were the answer.

She was found by the side of the road where someone dumped her, dead or dying from a drug overdose. Now we all feel guilty that we should have done something other than the tough love approach. She was only 23 years old.

What should we have done? — Heartbroken Grandpa

Dear Heartbroken: I’m terribly sorry for the loss of your granddaughter. Death is always painful, but it’s especially devastating given how young she was.

You and your family are not the first to hope a tough love approach would be the answer, but addiction is a cruel beast, and your granddaughter was so much more than hers.

It’s easy following tragedy to think of all the things you wish you’d done differently — maybe staging an intervention, helping your granddaughter get into treatment or obtain counseling — but you must remember, in that moment of time, you did what you thought was best. What happened to her is not your fault.

Right now, try to focus on grieving and honoring her memory, coming together with your loved ones to cherish the light and beauty she brought to this world and to your family.

Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].