Dear Annie: My wife says we wonât be having sex until I stop drinking

Dear Annie: My wife wakes up every weekday at 5 a.m. and goes to work at 6 a.m. I don’t know what time she gets out of work, but she goes to her house (she owns a separate house) and, according to her, takes a nap. She usually comes home around 8 p.m. That is 14 hours a day that she is not here!

The other day when she called, I heard another voice in the background. I should mention she has several suitors that live by her house. She spends most of the weekends at her house, saying she is doing yardwork.

I should also mention I have four beers every night. This is nothing new; I have always had several beers or cocktails, and she knew this when we started dating.

She is 67 years old, and I am 73. We have been married for seven years. Now my drinking has suddenly become an issue with her, and she says we will not be having sex till I stop drinking! I get the feeling she has disdain for me. I get a quick kiss every morning before she leaves for work, but that’s it. I don’t know what to do. Any suggestions? — Basically Alone

Dear Basically Alone: There are a couple of issues to address here, and it seems likely that they all relate back to your drinking. Four beers every night classifies you as a heavy drinker, and the fact that you are unwilling — or unable — to stop this habit is certainly a red flag. I would seek out a local Alcoholics Anonymous chapter and start attending meetings.

Additionally, the trust and communication between you and your wife is lacking, to say the least. Acknowledging your dependency on alcohol is a necessary first step, but couples therapy is also essential. These issues are compounding — your drinking is driving your wife away, and the stress of not knowing your wife’s whereabouts is causing you to keep drinking. If things don’t change, this vicious cycle will only get worse.

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“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].