Dear Annie: My stepchildren cut their father out of their lives

Dear Annie: My stepchildren cut their father out of their lives. It started with his daughter, who did this after her father would not co-sign a car loan. Her own mother had refused as well. Since then, he has reached out to his daughter but gets no response. She doesn’t like me, and when she chose to cut out her dad, I told her that she wasn’t hurting me — I had a wonderful father — she was only hurting herself.

Her siblings did the same. Don’t these adult children get it? If they want to hurt their stepmother, they are not. They are only hurting their father.

My husband worked through his sorrow with a counselor, and he enjoys our family life (with our children). It is very sad that they are punishing themselves and making their stepmom’s life easier. — Stepmother Trying to Help

Dear Stepmother: You are right that the main person she is hurting is herself. If she has children and never reconciles with her father, then depriving her children of a relationship with their grandfather would be very cruel. Grandparents offer another source of love, and the more love we receive, the better. This is especially true for small children.

His daughter will also regret not having a relationship with her father. Sadly, there is nothing you can really do except to keep comforting your husband and encouraging him to reach out to his daughter. Hopefully, she will come to her senses after she figures out that her car loan situation was only the catalyst for expressing her anger.

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“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].