Dear Annie: My spouse has become a viral social media sensation. They have been quite popular, and I recently learned of many “friendships” that have developed with members of the opposite sex. One in particular has become, and I quote, “the best friend I have ever had.”

The last year has been filled with many struggles on my end, and I fell into a very deep depression. My spouse chose to ignore this and reach out to these “friends.” They claim they are all platonic.

We have been trying to work on our marriage, but I am really hurt by this. I love this person with all of my heart and really want to make our marriage work. We have had some amazing heart-to-heart conversations recently, and I think they are starting to understand how badly I am hurting by the way they have behaved.

I just don’t know if I can trust the words they say. My intuition says yes, but my head makes me cautious.

Social media is not positive for our marriage, but they won’t give it up. Please help. I am already so heartbroken. — Lonely and Sad

Dear Lonely and Sad: Social media, or any online connection, doesn’t hold a candle to the real heart-to-heart conversation you have had with your spouse. Continue to be open with your feelings and listen to your intuition. If the social media is part of your spouse’s job, then asking them to give that up is not the solution either. The solution is to have personal boundaries on what your partner can and cannot allow on social media.

Talk about what you both feel comfortable with. Healthy communication and trust are great muscles to work in a marriage, and your spouse’s newfound social media fame is certainly giving you the opportunity to do just that. Best of luck to you. In addition, I would encourage you to seek the help of a professional therapist if you are suffering from depression. Try to surround yourself with friends and family when you are feeling down.

Dear Annie: In recent columns, you have addressed the issue of helping a disabled child. I agree that we need to take care of ourselves before we can help others. In my own case, at age 66, I ended up having knee surgery after assisting my physically disabled son during an emergency. Because of that surgery, I am not as much help to my son as I used to be.

Every disabled person’s condition is unique, and some disabilities are progressive, so things can get worse over time.

But what a parent does now can provide security for what comes later, especially after the child is an adult and the parent unable to help. One suggestion is to do research to find alternative caregiving sources, such as durable medical equipment (DME), transportation options, proper medical care and a permanent living place.

Do these things while you can afford them rather than waiting until they are absolutely necessary — because the child’s illness has progressed so much. In a recent letter from the 63-year-old mother of a disabled daughter, I would suggest that, if possible, Mom pays off her car loan or home mortgage payment. Remodel her home for upcoming physical changes unique to her disease. Provide whatever DME she needs. Load up her bank accounts. Look to patient groups for specific disabilities as they have information, as well as medical staff, doctors and social workers.

Another mom, hopefully doing the best for her beautiful disabled son. — Another Mom

Dear Another Mom: Thank you for your very helpful suggestions, and best wishes with your son. He is lucky to have such a wise and caring mother.

View prior ‘Dear Annie’ columns

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].

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