Dear Annie: My mother-in-law is 96 years old, and her daughter lives with her. She has been in the nursing homes and hospitals, and has had a nurse assistant to help take care of her. Her daughter refuses to let anybody come to her brother’s house where she is staying.

My husband has been having many problems with his sister. She told him to call before he comes to see his mother and that anybody who wants to see her has to call and make an appointment. The sister’s children are the only ones allowed to see her or come as they please.

My husband worries so much that he can’t see his mother when he wants to. His mother had to have both legs amputated and is not getting proper care. Is there anything we can do for him to see her? All of the grandchildren can’t see him either. — Worried in Louisiana

Dear Worried: Your sister-in-law’s controlling, cagey behavior feels like a red flag to me, too. You’d think she’d feel relieved that your family’s so willing to help with their mother’s care and would encourage as many visits as possible, considering your mother-in-law’s age and serious health conditions.

There is strength in numbers. Your husband and his other shut-out siblings should communicate firmly and directly with this sister about their worries and figure out a plan that incorporates them more in their mother’s life and care. If this sister’s intentions are pure — as she seems to think they are — she should be open to something that would so clearly benefit their mother.

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