Dear Annie: I have two granddaughters six years apart in age, one a teenager, one a young adult. For a number of unfortunate reasons, the older sister is quite hostile and unkind toward the younger sister.

She is extremely envious of any positive attention her little sister gets. This has not improved over time. The older sister did not have many of the advantages that the younger sister has had. The older sister did not graduate from high school, but she got her GED. The younger sister is thriving in high school, in fact, is set to graduate a year early, and has earned several academic awards.

Graduation is coming up, with a small family celebratory dinner afterward. Honestly, I’m having fantasies of gently suggesting the older sister not come. She will not be there to celebrate her younger sister. The experience will fuel her envy, and I don’t think she will be able to resist making mean comments to and about her little sister. Plus, I want to be able to celebrate my youngest granddaughter, but I feel constrained about doing that given how the older one feels. I also don’t want to be critical of the big sister in this situation where she’ll already be hurting a lot.

Do you have any advice? — The Green-Eyed Monster

Dear Green-Eyed Monster: It’s easy to see where you’re coming from, but disinviting the older sister would likely fuel further resentment. Having a gentle discussion with her beforehand would be the kinder approach. Consider telling her, “This event is meant to celebrate your sister. If that’s something you can’t fully support right now, it’s OK to sit this one out.” That gives her a choice, but with boundaries, and makes the expectations for the evening clear.

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“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].