Dear Annie: My kids think Iâm an idiot

Dear Annie: I have two adult children who are married to great people; they both have wonderful jobs and beautiful children, who I just adore. So, what’s the problem? They believe they have all the answers and that Mom (me) is an idiot! They don’t outright say it, but their actions and comments suggest it. They believe they are successful despite me, not because of me. They have actually said that.

I chose to be a stay-at-home mom who gave up a career to be there for her children. I educated them, loved them, clothed them, fed them, nursed them, played with them, laughed with them, cried with them and did everything else that a mother should do.

Here I thought I’d be able to pass down some words of wisdom. Share with them my failures so they wouldn’t repeat them, my successes so they can learn from them. But what I get is laughter or eye rolls. I feel I have become obsolete. Does this happen to everyone as they get older? Did we make our parents feel this way? — Feeling Worthless

Dear Feeling Worthless: As you get older, yes, the dynamics of the relationship of parent and child do shift. You sound like an amazing mother, and I’m sure it is a big part of your children’s success. Maybe they don’t want to hear lots of pieces of wisdom (most times, people have to experience things to figure them out for themselves); rather, they just want to be with you — as a mother and friend and not a lecturer who has all this wisdom to download on them. Regardless if they are your children, spouse, friend or sibling, no one should make you feel so put down and worthless. Please tell them that and ask that they not put you down, while at the same time focus on enjoying and loving the moment rather than offering lectures.

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“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].