Dear Annie: My husband has five kids from a previous marriage.

One was — well, I’ll say never overly friendly. The other four I thought we were good. But things blew up over something dumb.

Now three of his girls do not talk to me. Which for me is fine. They think that I am too controlling with their father.

But they are also taking out their anger on their father by not talking to him either. This makes me more angry. I would like to tell them that they all need to grow up. It’s not like they are young. These are grown children with families of their own.

My husband says I should let it go. But I know he is so hurt by how they are acting.

Should I leave it alone or finally tell them to grow up? This is something that is not going to blow over. — Tired of Trying

Dear Tired of Trying: Wanting to insult your stepdaughters is not really trying.

It’s being judgmental and not looking at how your behaviors might have caused their frustration with you and your husband.

You never once referred to them as your stepchildren, only your husband’s kids. This leads me to believe that you have never been accepting of them.

Instead of telling them to grow up, reach out to them and say that you and your husband would like a relationship with them.

If it is too far gone with you, at least try to repair their father’s relationship. In addition, encourage your husband to reach out to his children and not be so passive, pretending everything is fine.

Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].