Dear Annie: I have been married to my husband for well over three decades. We have two sons, one in his early 30s and the other in his early 20s. My husband “Gus” hates his sons with every fiber of his being. Gus destroyed their childhood by wanting nothing to do with them. To this day, Gus ignores them or does whatever he can to hurt their feelings.

I am at a point where I can’t take it any longer. My oldest has moved out and created a good life for himself. My youngest is still at home and desperately wants a relationship with his dad. What would make a man hate his sons so much? My husband will absolutely not go to counseling as he doesn’t think this is a problem. Please offer some advice. My heart can’t take much more. — Brokenhearted Mom

Dear Brokenhearted Mom: In addition to the way he treats your boys, your letter also begs the question — how does Gus treat (SET ITAL)you(END ITAL)? Without his cooperation or openness to improving his relationships with his sons, I’m afraid we’ll never truly know the underlying reasons for your husband’s lack of love or paternal instinct.

Instead of trying to force Gus into being the father your sons deserve and likely disappointing them even more, focus on making sure they know how much you love and support them, especially your youngest still under your roof. I strongly suggest counseling, for yourself and your kids, to help you all start to heal from this unfortunate trauma and learn how to create boundaries that protect you from Gus’ emotional abuse.

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“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].