Dear Annie: I’ve been with my girlfriend for 15 years. The first few years were wonderful — no complaints. We worked together and spent a lot of time together, and everything felt great.

Then, out of nowhere, she started falling asleep — bam! — nodding off in social situations, especially when we were out with my parents or their friends. It was humiliating, almost as if she were on something. I looked into it — no medical issues, no substance use. It only seemed to happen when she didn’t want to be somewhere.

This has put me through a lot of embarrassment. I even asked her kids about it, and they just chuckled, like this was normal for her. I didn’t grow up around this kind of behavior; it feels completely dysfunctional to me. There have been times I’ve had to kick her under the table to wake her up or just sit there, wanting to cry from the embarrassment.

I told her she needs counseling, and she is seeing a psychiatrist now, but how long does it take to see real change? I’m at my wits’ end with her and these antics. I’m also starting to feel like she’s trying to hurt me in other ways, too. — Not a Sleeping Beauty

Dear Not Sleeping Beauty: You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t force it to drink. Your girlfriend is seeing a psychiatrist, but if she’s not truly committed to change, nothing will improve. If this behavior is her way of avoiding situations she doesn’t like, then counseling won’t help unless she acknowledges the issue and wants to fix it.

Ask yourself the question: How much longer are you willing to wait? You can’t spend your life kicking someone under the table and hoping they’ll wake up, both literally and figuratively. If she won’t make the effort, you have a choice to make: accept things as they are or move on to a relationship where you’re respected, not embarrassed.

Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].