Dear Annie: For years, my natural birth father and I had a difficult time getting along or seeing eye to eye. He had remarried a wealthy woman who had a daughter, and from the time I can remember, they have been first in his life. My sister and I came second.

His wife and her child became his main priority, including when my stepsister, “Chrissy,” gave birth to her children. I had three sons of my own, and he was present for their births, but shortly after the third was born, the father of my kids and I split up because he was always in trouble with the law and went to serve prison time.

I moved on with my life and tried not to ask for help, and be as independent as I could, though I did along the way have to call my father in need of rent help when I couldn’t find a job. He reluctantly helped, but the sad part is that he hardly sees or knows his grandsons. He did little to stay in touch, and that was only when I begged him.

Later, I met a wonderful man and got remarried, but my father wouldn’t come to my wedding, claiming I wasn’t at his second wedding, which was true because I had to work to support my sons as a single parent. The list goes on. I basically went on with my life and didn’t beg my father anymore to visit with us or his grandchildren.

Recently, my father was hospitalized in the intensive care unit for heart issues, and we were called upon to help with his grocery and care needs. And we were only invited to do so at times “he’d requested” because my stepsister Chrissy had birthday parties going on for her kids and I guess we just weren’t good enough to be present more than what he wanted.

As the holidays approach, I want to let things go and just temporarily be there for him, because he is my father and elderly now. But I’m feeling upset and resentful more and more. I know no one owes their grown children anything, but the lack of communication from my dad, or any kind of visits when we asked, have led me to just feel like closing the door. I can only handle so much rejection and hurt, and I’m not sure of the proper way to handle this. Any feedback, thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. — Hurt in Ohio

Dear Hurt: If you can, suspend your resentment of him while he is in poor health, and focus on whatever good he did – such as being there when each of your sons was born. But keep in mind that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Stop giving your father consent to make you feel rejected and hurt. Yes, his actions have been hurtful. Acknowledge his limitations for love with you, and move on to finding people who fill your cup and will gladly help you. The front windshield is much bigger than the small rearview mirror. Stop looking in the rearview mirror and forge forward to a better life filled with people who support and love you.

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“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].

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