Dear Annie: I’m stuck in the middle of some serious family tension. My cousin constantly makes little digs about my sister-in-law and my brother behind their backs. For example, she’ll say things like, “Wow, your sister-in-law really knows how to spend money, doesn’t she?” — with a smirk, like she’s trying to be funny, but it’s clearly meant to cut. Then she’ll press me for details about their lives — what they’re doing, what they’ve said, how they spend their time.

I never know how to respond. I don’t want to betray my brother’s trust, but I also don’t want to create drama with my cousin. I feel like I’m walking a tightrope, and someone’s going to get hurt no matter what I do.

How do I stay out of the middle without turning this into a bigger mess? — Torn and Tired

Dear Torn and Tired: You’re in a tough spot — but not a unique one. Many people find themselves caught between loyalty and gossip, especially when family is involved.

Let’s be clear: Your cousin isn’t just “joking” when she makes snide remarks about your sister-in-law. That kind of passive-aggressive behavior is a way of stirring the pot without taking responsibility for it. And by asking you to spill personal details, she’s dragging you into something you want no part of.

Here’s what you do: stop playing along. The next time she makes a comment, gently say, “I’d rather not talk about them when they’re not here.” If she keeps pushing, change the subject. You don’t need to confront her with fireworks — but you also don’t need to be her sounding board or informant.

You can’t control your cousin’s behavior, but you can control your role in it. Protect your peace and remember: Silence is sometimes the strongest boundary of all.

Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].