Dear Annie: My boyfriend’s great but his mother isn’t, how do I address it with her?

Dear Annie: I have been dating my boyfriend for four years and am very lucky to call him mine. He loves me well, gets along with everyone he meets and is very giving. His mother, on the other hand, is a taker, financially and emotionally. She hates her job and where she lives but is not willing to make a change. She relies on her two sons emotionally, calling them multiple times a week to complain about her job and life in her town. Family vacations are a drag due to the conversation being dominated by her constant discussion of her weight or fancy dinners she suggests but never picks up the tab for.

I’ve mentioned my concerns to my partner, and he validates them but is not willing to talk with his mother. I’m happy to have a conversation with his mother, more along the line of how therapy would be a great resource (I’ve done it before and it rocks), but I do not want to overstep. I fear the boundaries I’m beginning to put up are going to pull my family away from her in the future if she doesn’t seek help. — Hope to Help

Dear Hope to Help: I can hear the frustration in your words, and it’s understandable that you’re feeling torn between wanting to help and not wanting to overstep boundaries.

Expressing your concerns to your partner — and having him validate them — is a great first step, even if he’s not quite ready to address his mother directly. In the meantime, consider having a gentle and non-confrontational conversation with your partner’s mother. Next time she brings up something she’s unhappy with in her life, tell her how much you have found therapy to be a helpful resource. Opening up about your own experience with therapy might be enough to encourage her to give it a try.

Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].