Dear Annie: Lack of intimacy is ruining my marriage

Dear Annie: I have been married to my spouse for two decades and in a committed relationship with him for 23 years. We are parents to a 17-year-old son. While our relationship is characterized by mutual love and respect, I am concerned about the state of our physical intimacy.

Despite repeated attempts to initiate discussions on the topic, my husband becomes defensive and dismissive, asserting that I place undue emphasis on sexual intimacy and that it should not be the primary focus of our marriage. This lack of intimacy has adversely affected my emotional and physical well-being, although I maintain a deep affection for him as a person.

While I acknowledge his lower libido, I believe that a healthy level of intimacy is essential for any marital relationship. I am seeking your professional guidance in addressing this sensitive matter and exploring potential solutions to rekindle the physical aspect of our marriage. — Intimacy Concerns

Dear Intimacy Concerns: If direct conversations have ended in defensiveness, consider broaching this topic together in couples counseling. A therapist can facilitate discussions and provide strategies to help both of you understand each other’s needs better.

Meanwhile, try to increase physical affection in non-sexual ways, like holding hands or hugging. These can be steppingstones to more intimate moments. Keep an open dialogue, emphasizing to your husband your desire to nurture and strengthen your bond together as a team. With professional guidance and patience, you have a good chance of finding a balance that suits both your needs.

Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].