Dear Annie: I’m worried about my daughter’s boyfriend
Dear Annie: I’m really struggling with how to handle my daughter’s relationship. She’s in her early 20s and is smart, funny and ambitious. I’m so proud of her. But I just can’t seem to get behind her boyfriend.
He’s not unkind, but he’s … aimless. He can’t seem to hold down a steady job, he leans on her emotionally (and sometimes financially), and he doesn’t seem to have any clear goals for the future. Meanwhile, she’s working hard, finishing school and making plans — and I’m worried he’s dragging her down more than lifting her up.
I’ve tried bringing it up gently, but she gets defensive and insists I don’t understand him. I’ve backed off because I don’t want to damage our relationship, but I see how exhausted and stressed she’s become since being with him. She’s not quite herself these days, and that worries me more than anything.
I don’t want to overstep or seem like the overbearing mom, but I also don’t want to watch her give her heart — and her energy — to someone who might not be able to give much back. Is it OK to be honest with her? Or should I just stay quiet and hope she figures it out on her own? — Trying to Stay Supportive
Dear Trying to Stay Supportive: It is hard to watch someone you love make choices you would not. But remember, this is her relationship to navigate. You have expressed your concerns gently, and that is enough for now.
What she needs most is to know you will be there, without judgment, if and when she sees things differently. Sometimes the best support is quiet presence, not persuasion.
Trust her to learn. Trust yourself to love her through it.
Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].