Dear Annie: My partner’s mother constantly demands attention, and everything revolves around her. Whenever we’re busy or focused on other things, she lashes out — often hurting those around her, including her grandchildren. She plays favorites, manipulates situations to her advantage and pulls the extended family into her drama. If anyone refuses to engage, they become a target, too.

I’ve tried addressing this directly. Despite multiple attempts to keep the peace, she’s tried to bribe her son to leave me and has used our children as leverage in manipulative ways. She’s crossed the line repeatedly, with no regard for anyone but herself.

At this point, our kids avoid her; they don’t want to call or visit. Still, she plays the victim and refuses to acknowledge the pain she’s caused. After years of trying, I finally drew the line and only speak to her about the kids. When my partner stood up to her, too, she went silent again, cutting all of us off.

Now she’s back at it. I offered to talk face-to-face, but she continues the same toxic cycle. I’m doing my best to protect my family, especially our children, but I also don’t want to completely shut her out. The situation feels hopeless; she takes no responsibility, and the kids want nothing to do with her.

What would you do if someone you loved kept hurting your children emotionally yet refused to change or even acknowledge the damage? — Lost on How To Move Forward

Dear Reader: It sounds like your mother-in-law is struggling with a deep need for control and connection — but unfortunately, she’s expressing it in ways that hurt the people around her, including your children. That’s painful, and I’m sorry you’ve had to carry this for so long.

You’ve tried — more than once — to reach out, set boundaries and keep the door open. But when someone refuses to take responsibility for the harm they cause, it becomes necessary to protect your family’s well-being. That doesn’t mean cutting her out completely, but it does mean making peace with the fact that you can’t change her.

Continue to lead with kindness, but stay firm in your boundaries. If she’s ever ready to approach the relationship with empathy, then there’s room for healing. Until then, your job is to protect your children’s peace — and your own.

Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].