Dear Annie: I’m sick of my parent’s toxic marriage

Dear Annie: I wanted to take a moment and let you know how much I enjoy your column; I think you give the best responses to your readers. I do not have a question, but rather some valuable advice for your readers. You see, I grew up in a home with a toxic marriage modeled by my parents. I remember being about 10 when my mom found out about my dad’s affair and we rode around with a baseball bat, searching for the “other woman.”

Fast forward, they just celebrated 50 years together, and my dad calls me complaining about my mom, and my mom calls me complaining about my dad. I am frankly TIRED of it. If you are in a bad marriage, consider this your approval to end it. I married a man who my counselor said was cut from the same cloth as my mom. It is true! We model and are drawn to it and don’t even realize it.

My mom always taught me that you stay no matter what. I am about to graduate college and will be a social worker. I am so excited to empower/teach others to end what does not serve them. Love is not enduring unlimited abuse, and you don’t get a trophy for the years you stay. This really damages the children; they typically grow up modeling the same stuff they’ve seen, and when you put them in the middle, it sucks! The more I heal, the more dysfunction I see. — Willing to Walk

Dear Willing: Thank you for your letter and wise words. I’m sorry to hear about all the traumas you’ve experienced but am glad they have given you such a strong sense of self-worth and awareness of what you deserve. I agree it’s so important to protect ourselves, our mental peace and overall well-being. Here’s to letting go of the things that do not serve us.

Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].