Dear Annie: I’m hurt and angry. My son and daughter-in-law will not let me see my grandchildren. It has been five years since I last saw them.

This all started after I had a fight with my daughter-in-law when my son lost his job. She demanded that I help him financially, but my finances were such that I could not afford to do so.

At that time, she said some very mean things about my son. I got angry and stuck up for my son. Well, that did not go over well. They both asked me to leave their home, which they shared with my daughter-in-law’s parents.

Now my son says that I ruined his life when I divorced his father over 10 years ago.

I have only seen my grandchildren two times in the past five years — at my daughter’s wedding and my mom’s funeral. I’m getting older, 69, and miss seeing my grandchildren grow up. — Tired and Hurt

Dear Tired and Hurt: Hurt people hurt people, and your son is hurting. Your daughter-in-law was afraid and hurting when her husband lost his job.

There is a lot of fear and hurt going on. Instead of talking about those feelings, people are just saying mean and hurtful things to each other. It really gets you nowhere.

Try to keep the dialog open with your son and daughter-in-law about how you feel. Make “I” statements instead of “you” statements.

For instance, it is OK to say, “I feel tired and hurt, and I have a lot of love to give to both of you and the children.” It is not OK to say, “You did this wrong” or, “You were mean when talking about my son.” Good luck.

Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].