Dear Annie: A few weeks back, I had to cancel plans to visit my friend and attend a musical festival in Wisconsin. My employers basically told me that if I went, there wouldn’t be a job for me when I came back. (They were mad I was out for a few weeks because I just had a shoulder replacement.) While I only needed a couple days off for the festival, my job was in jeopardy. I was devastated for a very long time, especially since my best friend “Janice” surprised me with the festival tickets and airfare. No one hurt, cried or felt more guilty over this than me.

Before my shoulder replacement, Janice told me she wanted to visit sometime at the end of the summer. I responded very enthusiastically because it’d give me time to heal and we could do things!

As I was being operated on, Janice texted my daughter, “Savannah,” that she was coming to help out. Savannah and my son both agreed I would not want this but would check with me.

This was one of the first things I had to deal with post-surgery. I immediately said NO. A visit would disturb my healing. I live in a tiny one-bedroom apartment. Savannah was already there to help and was sleeping on the floor. I refused to have Janice do the same, and I wouldn’t be able to relax with company. I’d feel as if I’d need to entertain, and I’d get zero rest.

Savannah relayed that to her. I, too, texted Janice the exact same thing that night. THEN, knowing her plans were to leave the day after my surgery, I texted her at 5 the next morning and, in a very detailed manner, reiterated how detrimental it would be for me to have a visitor, especially one staying for many nights. I didn’t hear back and was relieved to know she would honor my wishes/boundaries.

She texted me that she left anyway and was in Ohio. I asked why she still left after my text, and she said, “I’m more persistent than you and Savannah are stubborn.” This was NOT about stubbornness! She then made me feel guilty about needing to cancel the festival trip and said she “had no idea how she would explain what went wrong THIS time.” This time?!?! I wasn’t even aware of her plans. Why are my wishes my fault? I wasn’t rude. I conveyed what I needed nicely and asked for her to honor that, all BEFORE she left!

I was angry and, ONCE AGAIN, explained my wishes and was VERY firm telling her not to come. The next day, she texted that she was in a hotel half a mile down the road. I was both livid and creeped out. This is emotional manipulation. All I want is to heal in peace, which I have been unable to do. This entire scenario has me so worked up I can’t rest. My heart is racing, and I can’t sleep at night.

Her “persistence” is exhausting, not just with this but with other things that have occurred in the past. Her refusing to take no for an answer has me truly reconsidering this friendship. Am I overreacting? For now, I’ve blocked her, but I’m still nervous about her showing up. She was STILL down the road a day later, and I’m STILL creeped out. — Furied Friend

Dear Furied: You are certainly not overreacting. A true friend would have, as you noted, honored your wishes and boundaries despite their own “persistence.” It was selfish of her to so blatantly disregard your requests and make you uncomfortable when your health and well-being should’ve been the top priority. While I’m sure her intentions were meant to be good ones, her response to these two situations was highly inappropriate and raises undeniable red flags.

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“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].

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