Dear Annie: I was left out of my father-in-law’s obituary, and I know it was done out of spite

Dear Annie: My name is “Stephanie,” and my husband’s name is “Travis.” Travis and I have been married for 27 years. About six months ago, I was blindsided with divorce papers. He and his mom made the decision. Yes, you read that right. Anyhow, my husband and I still live together, and the divorce has not moved forward for various reasons. His entire family has completely disowned me, with the exception of my father-in-law, who didn’t get involved.

Travis’ father, my father-in-law, suddenly passed away recently. It was heartbreaking. I sent food, etc. because that is who I am. When the obituary came out online and in the paper, my name wasn’t in it. My husband’s name and our children’s names were, of course, but my name wasn’t. I am so hurt by this. My father-in-law and I always had a good relationship, and I feel like Travis and his mother did it out of spite. I know they did. In my opinion, that was disrespectful to both his father and to me.

How could people be so cruel? How do I move past this? What are your thoughts? Thank you. — “Stephanie” Left Out in PA

Dear Stephanie: I’m sorry for the loss of your father-in-law, especially during an already difficult time for you and your marriage. After almost three decades of calling Travis’ family your own, you have every right to feel hurt, excluded and disrespected by their behavior. Ultimately, this action speaks much louder of their character than of yours.

Initiate a conversation with Travis to express how this exclusion made you feel and establish a way to interact and cohabit as you move toward finalizing the divorce. It is disappointing that the people you’ve been closest to have started to act in unrecognizable ways, but remember, you can only control your reactions and behavior. Lean on your true friends and loved ones while you grieve both your father-in-law and your marriage.

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“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].