Dear Annie: I had an affair

Dear Annie: I have been married for 15 years.

A little over a year ago, I started having an affair with an ex-girlfriend. The affair ended a month ago. It is over and done with.

I am not sure if I should tell my wife about it or just keep it a secret. I feel that if I tell her, nothing good would come from it, other than being truthful. However, I see it destroying the trust she has in me. I can’t think of a good reason to tell her. What should I do? — A Cheater in Upstate NY

Dear Cheater: Ask yourself what your intentions are in confessing.

Are you doing it to relieve yourself of guilty feelings? The feelings are there, whether you tell her or not. The real question to ask is why you cheated in the first place. That might be better flushed out with a therapist.

Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].